ElizabethAnn 690 Posted January 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 30, 2009 The other thing I would say is that before placement, thoughts about openness after placement are just guesses. I would be open to changes in the plan so to speak. After birth and after placement, birthparents may feel differently than they expected to feel. Set yourself up to roll with the punches. Amen! Relationships are fluid, and the terms of contact are always subject to change, in every significant relationship that we have in life... the challenge in open adoption is to strike a happy balance between the needs of both sets of parents, in the best interests of the child they share. Nobody can possibly predict before a major life loss what they'll need afterwards; how they'll adapt and when they'll recover. Birthparents may need time to regroup, and in keeping with Kubler-Ross's theory, they may bounce between stages of denial or sadness or anger or bargaining or acceptance for months (or years) after relinquishment. Yet, when adoptive parents keep that door open and continually culture that garden of interest (even when they're getting little or no response), they nourish the possibilities that the birthfamily will survive that long, cold winter and that a relationship will blossom in time, enabling the child they all love so to reap a harvest of blessings in the end. Whether that harvest is the joy that comes with a genuine and close personal relationship with one's birthfamily or even if it's just the comfort that comes with knowing your parents never abandoned hope of providing you with reconnection to that birthfamily, your child will thank you, in time! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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