Kristal, I think it is key that placements are made because parents believe it is what they need to do. I can't fathom all the thoughts and emotions that go into making an adoption plan. I only know what I hear from our girls' moms and a few others that have placed. Our girls' moms still have difficult moments, but they are content with their decision and are happy with the way we are raising the girls and with their decisions. From what I have gathered on the forum from the Abrazo Chicks, they tend to have families think through their reasons for placing and discourage it when it is due to feeling like they "have to."
If it is a temporary issue, there are some programs that might help or family/friends that could provide assistance for a time until things turn around. I don't know how stressful a relationship would be if an adoptive parent knew that the birthparent regretted placement.
There is no diplomatic way to say this--It totally sucks that adoption exists, but without it I would have such an emptiness in me. I did not want my joy at being a parent to be at another's expense. To this point, I am thankful that we are working through those issues with our girls' first families and doing our best to keep those relationships going and giving space when asked to.
I appreciate your sharing another perspective of this often difficult process!