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Everything posted by kristal

  1. Monica, it is OK to say you are dissatisfied with your adoption decision. I also agree with you that there should be a longer waiting period before a mother can relinquish rights and that initialing next to something stating that your mental state isn't clouded doesn't make any sense because if your mental state is clouded you wouldn't recognize/care. I'm very sorry you are in this situation. I started a thread on regret (which I was actually logging on to write in.) You might find it up your alley. http://abrazo.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=4419&hl=regret&st=15
  2. I have a strong feeling that this post wont go over well but this is a section for women considering adoption, and this topic is called "Is Adoption the Wrong Choice." The Case Against Adoption: Research and Alternatives for Concerned Citizens Heres the direct link, opposed to embedded: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/257390/the_case_against_adoption_research_pg6.html?cat=17 Another interesting bit of information: "True some birthmothers did marry, and have other children. However, according to research, far too many did not have another child, 20 to 30% by choice (Anderson, Deyk
  3. I would say to anyone considering placing a child for adoption that they should really know what they'll be facing AFTER relinquishment, not just days later but weeks, months, years. This decison you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. I've copy and pasted the following from http://www.adopting.org/birthmother_grief.html check the link out for more detailed information. My nights were broken Split by the wail of my phantom baby's cries Half asleep I would stumble to the crib that wasn't there Awake Aware now I would return to my bed With empty, aching, arms I wonde
  4. Thank you, I really appreciate you saying/acknowledging that
  5. I don't think this is a very good post about "Who Birthmothers Are" Yes this woman placed children for adoption but I don't think it'd be appropriate to have a section titled "Who Adoptive Parents Are" and put articles about adoptive parents abusing and killing their adopted children. In fact that kind of story under a title claiming to represent the people in it just serves to scare other people about the person in the topic. Its insinuating that all birthmothers are like this one, because this is WHO birthmothers ARE
  6. I meant more along the lines of "Oh I hope that all the birth mothers who are only placing because of life's circumstances get those issues resolved before they have to place their child" That's what I'm talking about. I'd hope most people want the lives of the placing parents to get better, but it seems no one ever wishes that before the placement if thats all it would take to change the outcome.
  7. This irks me until no end!! I read stuff like this on the forum all the time too. Nobody ever says they hope things will turn around for the mothers that want to parent their children but are backed into placing them because of life's circumstances. Kinda a heavy flip side.
  8. That was really considerate of you to do something special for your daughter on her daughter's birthday.
  9. When I was pregnant I moved into the housing provided by them four hours away from anyone I knew, and shortly after wards was put on bed rest. I was very lonely and Renee took me out to eat and out to paint pottery (on weekends I might add) I was never comfortable going to my doctors appointments alone so one time when Mike couldn't make it, Pamela came with me. After placement I had a really hard time and Elizabeth arranged for me to have extra counseling (outside of the normal 6 weeks where they still help you out.) To this day I know if I needed someone to talk to that they would be just a
  10. Whoops!! I just noticed all the typos! Karina was helping, she doesn't really have that down yet though! Sorry, I hope you can understand what I meant though!
  11. I dont think placing a child for adoption is a positvive experience for the majority of women in that posiyion. However I do think the nutural/adoptive parents play a huge role in weither or not the natutal/birth/first parents veiw it poistivly, by keeping the agreed upon contact and presenting them in a way they want to be toward the child they placed. I know that this wasn't exectly what most people have in mind when they consider adoptiong but by ensuring that the birth/narutal/first parents are comfortable with their decision the adoptive/nutural parents actually help their child have a mo
  12. Nurtural is a word, and it'd be the proper one to use too! NURTURAL Adj 1. resulting from nurture nonheritable, noninheritable - not inheritable I try not to use adoptive parents or birth parents because it just seems so... rude. Like birth parents just makes me feel like I was just there for the birth I popped him out and things were done. And adoptive just seems to unnecessarily reinforce that they aren't biological. I've always like the sound of natural mother, but because it seemed so out of place next to adoptive it made the alternative unnatural, which is even more rude. But natura
  13. I know something I wrote else where caused you to wonder so I did want to clarify. Was money a reason I chose adoption for my son? Yes. Was money the only reason? No. Did not having money make me have to find a way for him to be properly cared for? Yes. If I had had money would I have placed? Probably not. Would parenting, at that point in my life, have been in Colbys best interest? I can't say it would have been, which was why I did place him. Not having the money to care for Colby put me in a situation where I had to start looking at other options. Although I desperately wanted to parent I
  14. Karen I think you need to realize that just because some gives birth to someone or is related to someone that deosn't mean they love them. Women give birth to babies they don't care about at all. I don't think this woman doubts that her mother loves her though, that's the root of her problems according to her statement. The problem is that her mother "loved her so much she gave her away" That hearing that made her think that loving someone meant getting rid of them. Honestly I can see where that could be a problem. I think its hard for you to hear of disgruntled adoptees for the same reason
  15. Thankfully the relationship I have with my son's family has always been open, but I could definitely see how a woman who placed her child and was completely cut off form them would feel that sh had lost her child, because she would have. I could also see how the term exiled would be fitting in that situation too. You have to remember that adoption isn't this joyous celebration on the end of the family that is placing their baby. Even when the triad members are friends and they keep contact adoption is still extremely hard. Like I said I have an open relationship with my son and his family but
  16. Sounds like a clear cut case of American ethnocentrism to me
  17. "Finances are one of the major reasons women feel compelled to place their children for adoption," says Adam Pertman of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a research group. Finances are also prompting more women to question pregnancy and to inquire about abortion. One in 10 married women say they are delaying pregnancy because of the economy, according to a Gallup Organization survey this month. Of all the reasons I chose for placing, money is the only one I struggle with. I think its disgusting that our society is so materialistic that people would place or abort a baby they could
  18. If only you knew how many other people echoed the way you feel/felt. (((Mari)))
  19. I've been following this story a little. Apparently the Pope went to Jerusalem to visit the Holocaust memorial. This was something that people speculated would be a problem for the Pope since he (like so many other German youth) served in Hitlers youth brigade. Many Jews have a problems with what appears to be a refusal to acknowledge them by the Catholic church. I'm just glad its getting sorted out! With a best friend who is Jewish, a son that is Catholic, and I'm non denominational I really do hope we can all start getting along.
  20. Mari, Welcome to the forum! I placed my son Colby through Abrazo over 3 years ago. My mother and I aren't really close, but she came down after placement and stayed with me. She's tried to support me through this the best she can. I know she loves Colby very much (he is also her first grandchild) but I also recognize that she has a hard time seeing him sometimes. I try to be understanding, but it isn't always so easy to deal with her grief through my grief. She doesn't like to talk about it bothering her, but I can tell it does. She has even said she didn't realize that me placing Colby was
  21. I've wondered that too. I always assumed that some couples who are hoping to adopt keep themselves at a distance until placement, since until then they don't know for sure that that baby will really be their baby. Doing so might keep them emotionally safer from the hurt that would accompany a change in placement plans. I think a couple that has kept their distance would have an easier time rejecting placement for no other reason than they don't want to deal with the problems that could be associated with a special needs child. But just not wanting to deal with it is one thing. I also think mon
  22. I always refer to Colby as my son, and Angie as his Mom and Wade as his Dad. Like when they visited at our baby shower I'd point Colby out and "Thats my son" and I'd point Angie out "Thats his Mom." Even when its people I don't know extremely well. Like I'd really wanted to name this baby Bri, I love that name, but I was explaining to someone that I'd feel silly when Colby was visiting and I'd be introducing my kids, Colby and Bri, but that I didn't name both of them, Colby's Mom suggested his name. People will either just accept quietly that I've referred to my son and his Mom (which isn
  23. Questions to ask yourself before developing an adoption plan 1. Do I want to keep and raise my child? 2. What is/are the reason(s) I am considering adoption? 3. Am I aware of the help/assistance that is available to help me during my pregnancy and to help me raise my child? Have I explored all the sources of help available to me? 4. Do I have supportive family members who want to help me raise my child? Have I asked my family members to help me? 5. If not, do you need someone to help you/guide you through the process to find assistance, mentoring, support emotionally, financially
  24. I wasn't closed to the idea of a childless couple, but I realized I wanted a family that had "been there" once I started looking at the profiles. It helped me to see how Angie and Wade parented their older boys, and to know that they already had kids that were turning out fine. I know that not all parents considering placing feel that way, it always seemed to me like most of the other women wanted to give someone the chance to be a first time parent or wanted the exclusive attention of being an only child (however temporary) for their baby. I always assumed it was just one of those preferences
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