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kristal

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kristal last won the day on September 19 2011

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About kristal

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    Compadre
  • Birthday 10/09/1985

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    Female
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    Texas

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    Anything about parenting

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  1. Monica, it is OK to say you are dissatisfied with your adoption decision. I also agree with you that there should be a longer waiting period before a mother can relinquish rights and that initialing next to something stating that your mental state isn't clouded doesn't make any sense because if your mental state is clouded you wouldn't recognize/care. I'm very sorry you are in this situation. I started a thread on regret (which I was actually logging on to write in.) You might find it up your alley. http://abrazo.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=4419&hl=regret&st=15
  2. I have a strong feeling that this post wont go over well but this is a section for women considering adoption, and this topic is called "Is Adoption the Wrong Choice." The Case Against Adoption: Research and Alternatives for Concerned Citizens Heres the direct link, opposed to embedded: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/257390/the_case_against_adoption_research_pg6.html?cat=17 Another interesting bit of information: "True some birthmothers did marry, and have other children. However, according to research, far too many did not have another child, 20 to 30% by choice (Anderson, Deykin), and others suffered a secondary infertility rate 170% higher than the general population (Deykin). " http://www.ansrs.com/statistics.htm
  3. I would say to anyone considering placing a child for adoption that they should really know what they'll be facing AFTER relinquishment, not just days later but weeks, months, years. This decison you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. I've copy and pasted the following from http://www.adopting.org/birthmother_grief.html check the link out for more detailed information. My nights were broken Split by the wail of my phantom baby's cries Half asleep I would stumble to the crib that wasn't there Awake Aware now I would return to my bed With empty, aching, arms I wondered as I hugged my pillow close and rocked myself to sleep If you were out there truly crying If your cries had somehow traveled to me If you were now being rocked and comforted by another Or if those tears and cries were welling up from a place deep within me and spilling into my dreams. BR, 1995 Losing a child to adoption is one of the most significant losses that birthparents will ever have to face. For most of us it is also our first experience with the intensity of grief. While grieving is the normal reaction to loss, it hardly feels that way. Sleeplessness, nightmares, depression, anxiety and anger are all ways that grief may manifest itself. The road to healing is as individual as the person experiencing it. . Today, open adoption is often presented to birthparents as a way to lessen the grief of losing a child to adoption. Ongoing contact with the child and the adoptive family is often portrayed only in ideal terms. However, being able to see your child and even eventually develop a relationship with him or her, does not change the fact that you are no longer the child's parent. In fact, the loss of being Mom or Dad is often painfully obvious to us with each visit, from the infant who will only stop crying when the adoptive mother picks him up, to the toddler who has become Daddy's little girl. The grief we feel for our children includes not only missing the times we had with them as their mother or father, but mourning for the times we will not have with them as their parents. One of the first steps in dealing with any loss is in knowing how grief may manifest itself. While I will be discussing various phases of the grieving process, it is important to remember that everyone goes through it in their own way, and in their own time. Your emotions may run the gamut, from sadness, to anger, guilt, relief and anxiety, all in one day! There is no set time table for processing your loss.
  4. kristal

    Who Birthmoms Are

    Thank you, I really appreciate you saying/acknowledging that
  5. kristal

    Who Birthmoms Are

    Thank you
  6. kristal

    Who Birthmoms Are

    I don't think this is a very good post about "Who Birthmothers Are" Yes this woman placed children for adoption but I don't think it'd be appropriate to have a section titled "Who Adoptive Parents Are" and put articles about adoptive parents abusing and killing their adopted children. In fact that kind of story under a title claiming to represent the people in it just serves to scare other people about the person in the topic. Its insinuating that all birthmothers are like this one, because this is WHO birthmothers ARE
  7. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language

    I meant more along the lines of "Oh I hope that all the birth mothers who are only placing because of life's circumstances get those issues resolved before they have to place their child" That's what I'm talking about. I'd hope most people want the lives of the placing parents to get better, but it seems no one ever wishes that before the placement if thats all it would take to change the outcome.
  8. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language

    This irks me until no end!! I read stuff like this on the forum all the time too. Nobody ever says they hope things will turn around for the mothers that want to parent their children but are backed into placing them because of life's circumstances. Kinda a heavy flip side.
  9. kristal

    A Birth Grandmother's Role

    That was really considerate of you to do something special for your daughter on her daughter's birthday.
  10. kristal

    The Extra Mile

    When I was pregnant I moved into the housing provided by them four hours away from anyone I knew, and shortly after wards was put on bed rest. I was very lonely and Renee took me out to eat and out to paint pottery (on weekends I might add) I was never comfortable going to my doctors appointments alone so one time when Mike couldn't make it, Pamela came with me. After placement I had a really hard time and Elizabeth arranged for me to have extra counseling (outside of the normal 6 weeks where they still help you out.) To this day I know if I needed someone to talk to that they would be just a phone call away. I read stories about other women's adoption process and I'm appalled that the things other agencies do aren't down right illegal! I have to agree that the ladies aren't perfect, but that they really do try. From a placing parents perspective I think adoption can be a horrible thing, but I am glad that Abrazo is out there to make it a littler bit easier, a lot more compassionate, and much more open.
  11. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language

    Whoops!! I just noticed all the typos! Karina was helping, she doesn't really have that down yet though! Sorry, I hope you can understand what I meant though!
  12. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language

    I dont think placing a child for adoption is a positvive experience for the majority of women in that posiyion. However I do think the nutural/adoptive parents play a huge role in weither or not the natutal/birth/first parents veiw it poistivly, by keeping the agreed upon contact and presenting them in a way they want to be toward the child they placed. I know that this wasn't exectly what most people have in mind when they consider adoptiong but by ensuring that the birth/narutal/first parents are comfortable with their decision the adoptive/nutural parents actually help their child have a more positve veiw of having been placed for and subsquently adopted. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Man from my preseceptive this would be a dream come true! I know the birth certificate is "just a sheet of paper" but still, it hurts to technically not exisit to the child you love True! I love when the exchange of ideas on here goes this way!!
  13. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language

    Nurtural is a word, and it'd be the proper one to use too! NURTURAL Adj 1. resulting from nurture nonheritable, noninheritable - not inheritable I try not to use adoptive parents or birth parents because it just seems so... rude. Like birth parents just makes me feel like I was just there for the birth I popped him out and things were done. And adoptive just seems to unnecessarily reinforce that they aren't biological. I've always like the sound of natural mother, but because it seemed so out of place next to adoptive it made the alternative unnatural, which is even more rude. But natural and nurtural go well together. I think you just might be on to something!!! If you don't mind I think I might start using that.
  14. kristal

    Who Birthmoms Are

    I know something I wrote else where caused you to wonder so I did want to clarify. Was money a reason I chose adoption for my son? Yes. Was money the only reason? No. Did not having money make me have to find a way for him to be properly cared for? Yes. If I had had money would I have placed? Probably not. Would parenting, at that point in my life, have been in Colbys best interest? I can't say it would have been, which was why I did place him. Not having the money to care for Colby put me in a situation where I had to start looking at other options. Although I desperately wanted to parent I realized just how much I'd be putting on that little boy if I chose to. I didn't think it was fair to Colby when I was so uncertain about how things would go for me for me to put Colby through that. So I guess money lead me to adoption but once I was there I was able to accept that there were other reasons I was incapable of parenting Colby at that time.
  15. kristal

    Positive Adoption Language Primer

    Karen I think you need to realize that just because some gives birth to someone or is related to someone that deosn't mean they love them. Women give birth to babies they don't care about at all. I don't think this woman doubts that her mother loves her though, that's the root of her problems according to her statement. The problem is that her mother "loved her so much she gave her away" That hearing that made her think that loving someone meant getting rid of them. Honestly I can see where that could be a problem. I think its hard for you to hear of disgruntled adoptees for the same reason it is hard for me. Because someone very important to us was adopted and we played a huge role in making that happen. Its terrifying to think that maybe we did wrong by that person who we only wanted the very best for.
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