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The stork deleted it and my post because the expectant mom is considering her options I believe.

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The stork deleted it and my post because the expectant mom is considering her options I believe.

ok, "few". I am daydreaming a lot lately, but... . :rolleyes: hee hee

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Another licensed agency in Texas is seeking an adoptive home for a baby due this week whose mother has some very serious problems. We are sharing the case history here, at their request, in hopes of helping to locate a home for this infant. However, please note that this case will not be handled through Abrazo, and the other agency's fees are not known. The case should be considered only by those seeking a special needs placement as well as legal risk, since ICWA cases ensure a birthparent's right to rescind their relinquishment for 6-12 months. If any Abrazo families are genuinely interested in this high-risk placement opportunity, please fax a written request to Angela (210/342-6547) tomorrow, informing her of your desire to have your homestudy forwarded to that agency for prompt consideration.

Agency is expecting the birth of a White/part Native American child this week. The birth mother is registered Cherokee. The Cherokee Nation has advised that they have no family available to adopt this child and have said that we may consider Non-ICWA compliant families. She is also part-Delaware Indian and the Nation gave verbal consent to consider Non-ICWA compliant families. She will not execute her relinquishment until at least 10 days following the birth of her child in compliance with ICWA.

Social History: This information was gathered from the family, the birth mother, and various records from hospitals and social agencies that have worked with her and her family. The reliability of self-report is certainly questionable because of the family's mental health issues. Much of the information in the various records was provided by the family and is also

suspect.

Childhood: The birth mother's parents were married at the time she was born. There is a history of poverty; lack of employment; alcohol abuse; neglect, arguing, fighting, social and cultural deprivation, and mental health issues that prevented and interfered with her parents' ability to provide a "normal" childhood. There is indication in the records that the birth mother spent time in foster homes because her mother was at times hospitalized because of her mental health issues and unable to care for the birth mother and her brother. The father's whereabouts were rarely clarified. The dates of her stays in foster care/children's homes are unknown. Those records are not available to the agency.

Adolescence: The turmoil continued but she was allegedly raped twice by a neighbor when she was 13 years of age. Her family failed to report the incidents and no treatment was sought. She subsequently began to suffer depression and the onset of her mental health issues lead to her first hospitalization at age 14. According to hospital records, she was admitted to the mental hospital directly from foster care. Throughout her adolescence and childhood she was hospitalized and treated for MH issues that eventually lead to her current diagnoses. Hospital records indicate that she was in foster homes from age 13 on until she reached adulthood but the foster care records are not available to the agency at this time. She reportedly attended special schools and dropped out during her 10th grade year. She later clarified that she was in Special Education and considers herself a slow learner. Throughout childhood and adolescence she was somewhat non-cooperative with authorities at school and withdrawn from her peers who viewed her as "different."

Adulthood: Her parents divorced in 2000 although records indicate that her parents were separated off and on since 1984. She, her mother, and her brother reside in the family's dilapidated home. They each receive disability income because of their mental health issues. This is their only source of income. The birth mother has often been seen in the soup lines at various social agencies in the community where she receives her only meals. She does not know how to cook or prepare meals.

The birth mother is a pleasant young woman who functions on a somewhat limited basis because of her mental health issues and deprivation experienced in her home as she grew up. She is a 34 years old, obese, White female who has been diagnosed as having paranoid schizophrenia, including psychosis and hallucinations, in addition to borderline personality disorder. Prior to her pregnancy she was diagnosed as alcoholic but she has reportedly been sober since December 2008, about the time she became pregnant.

In her most recent mental health hospitalization her intellectual functioning was estimated at "below average" while in the same record she is referred to as having "average intellect." (Her records from 1989 indicated a Full Scale IQ on the WISC-R of 86.) Her family subsists at poverty level with high levels of family dysfunction, complicated by lack of education, social deprivation, and nutrition. There is an extensive history of mental health diagnoses within her immediate family, including her mother and her brother, as reflected in their ability to function and support one another, and her maternal grandfather's suicide.

She has made suicide gestures in the past but appears to be functioning reasonably well during this pregnancy. She was removed from antipsychotic and psychotropic medications during this pregnancy and maintained reasonably well.

Physical Health History

The birth mother has been diagnosed as morbidly obese, alcoholic (in remission and not during this pregnancy), asthmatic, far sighted, suffering from poor dental hygiene, having frequent tinea infections because of poor physical hygiene (fungal infection). She is approximately 5'8" with brown hair and eyes and a freckled complexion, weighing about 265 pounds.

Family Social, Educational, Genetic History

Father: Father is described as an alcoholic who is mentally, physically, and sexually abusive. Peggy reported to one hospital that he also abused marijuana and cocaine. He resides out of state and is minimally involved at this time. She claims that in 1984 she witnessed her father trying to kill her mother and that traumatized her greatly.

Mother: Birth mother seems very dependent upon and connected to her mother who is mentally ill, having many of the same or similar diagnoses as the birth mother. The mother is on disability income because of her mental illness. She and her daughter have a conflictual relationship but seem to "need" each other and they live together, along with her brother. They are each other's primary support systems. The mother has been indiscriminate in her sexual behavior, some of which the birth mother witnessed growing up. She reports seeing her father molest her mother.

Brother: Learning disabled; high school graduate who cannot read; similar diagnoses as the birth mother. Records indicate that his Full Scale IQ is 72.

Substance Abuse History: The birth mother admits that she used marijuana in the past but this was "years ago" and not related to this pregnancy. She reportedly is an alcoholic but has been sober since October 2008. Her consumption was reported as a weekly binge of whiskey (8 shots each Monday) and consumption of ½ of a 5th of rum each week, resulting in dyspepsia. She has been on a variety of prescription psychotropic medications, as well as pain killers to manage back pain incurred as the result of a car wreck. There is no indication that she abused her prescription meds.

Educational History: The birth mother was in special education classes and dropped out of school in the 10th grade. She missed a great deal of school growing up because of the chaos in her family. She reports taking care of her mother on occasion and missing school to do so. She moved between foster care and her biological family and the impact of those moves is unknown on her academic functioning.

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I pray for this family and their unborn child. Hopefully there will be a family out there that is willing to take the risk so that the baby can have a happy, loving home.

All our prayers,

Donna

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Being part Cherokee this case pulls on my heart! I wish were looking to add to our family.

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Praying for this unborn baby and for this family.

Tracey

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Being part Cherokee this case pulls on my heart! I wish were looking to add to our family.

Jennifer,

I should have known with that beautiful skin you have.... our side of the family is from NC...we have Cherokee blood in our family as well.

Praying for all involved in this families next few decisions in the weeks ahead of time.

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I will send this on to two families I know that are adopting! We have adopted two boys with very similar birth family histories. I am hoping that Abrazo families will take a chance on this little one. The child only needs love and a healthy environment and he/she will be just fine!

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I share your hope this child will be "just fine"-- but I don't think that love and a healthy environment are guaranteed to outweigh all the genetic factors involved. Any family that does proceed with placement planning needs to be fully aware of the likelihood that hereditary issues will arise, and be truly quipped to manage any related mental health challenges.

Obviously, this dear mother and her family have problems that love, alone, cannot conquer. Much as I want to see every child in need find a loving home, I wouldn't advise any of our adoptive families who are truly seeking to adopt "a healthy child only" take this situation on, because this child deserves to have parents who are genuinely ready for the many considerable risks this case entails.

Please note: any families that are interested in considering this case must already possess current homestudies, FBI checks, and all other required pre-adoption documentation.

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This nursery note breaks my heart. This dear Birthmother did not stand a chance, given her environment, to get the kind of help she really needed(s), for herself. Mental health issues require a management team, stable family, good health care, lots of compassion...to oversee medication, whether they are working or not; therapy, whether or not the therapist is a good fit or not; lots of patience and understanding because this is an illness you cannot see from the outside.

There are good Dr.'s and there is good accessable public educational options such as special ed which can provide additional help for your child, if needed. However it takes all of this and more to give any child stuggling with these kinds of issues the chance to feel normal. A parent must become an advocate for their child, all the while maintaining and balancing other needs within the family and marraige. Not impossible but may feel that way at times.

Love and a healthy environment is a good start, definitely a foundation which can be relied upon by any child, something this birthmother did not have (sadly). However, be ready and willing to seek outside professional help if and when the need becomes apparent... start building a management team as early as possible to oversee your child into adulthood, so that maybe one day he/she can have a family of their own and be a healthy parent, despite their illness.

Karen

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I have seen too many foster/adoptive parents walk away from an adoption when they find a parent has mental health issues. There is no guarantee that your mentally "healthy" birth parent will not end up with a child with mental illness! There is not guarantee that the healthy baby you take home will always be healthy. I am sorry there are no guarantees in life!!! What if you find out the birth parents have mental illness after you have taken placement of a baby? Do you return the baby?? I am sorry I am just frustrated. We really wanted to be parents and really did not care if our child's birth parents were mentally healthy!

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Given that many mental health issues in children and adults are never diagnosed, for different reasons, that information obviously could not be passed on with their offspring to the adopting parents, if it's unknown. However the blueprint may be there genetically.

You're right, there are no guarantees. What happens when your mentally healthy child takes a detour, about the time of puberty?

You certainly don't think of returning your child.

This is life, you deal with it.

Donna, I really like when you say you wanted to be parents so badly that health issues of a birthparent did not set you back. There are many who want to be parents, only under certain conditions. The truth is ... this is rarely controllable. Conditions can and do change.

So many adoptions are done with very little medical information. Is it better to know or not know?

As scary as it is to read this birthmother's struggles, at least whomever adopts this baby will have some knowledge about what possibilities might be in their future. Instead of blindly taking your mentally unhealthy adolescent child, who was always just fine before, to Dr after Dr. trying to figure out what is wrong. The parents with this much knowledge will be better prepared and not lose time in getting the help their child/family may need.

Karen

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I think with so many adoptions, one must take the "leap of faith". So many of us don't have any information on our children's birth fathers. Would this information have affected some of the decisions we've made had it been available on paper? Only each individual can dig within themselves and no for sure. Praying that this family finds a loving home that will welcome the known and unknown into their hearts!

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I think with so many adoptions, one must take the "leap of faith". So many of us don't have any information on our children's birth fathers. Would this information have affected some of the decisions we've made had it been available on paper? Only each individual can dig within themselves and no for sure. Praying that this family finds a loving home that will welcome the known and unknown into their hearts!

Leap of faith...I always say that adoption is not the time to listen to reason...it is time to listen to your heart and what God is saying to you..When we "signed papers" for Carter, we had not yet met him and really wasn't sure what the future was going to bring...but now we have a healthy happy incredibly active 4 year old...and wouldn't have changed a thing. The way I look at it is love can't cure everything but it sure does help.

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Elizabeth-

Any word on this dear BP and her current situation? Thanks for sharing :D

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I emailed the other agency's director to request fee information, in case anyone needed a clear cost estimate in order to move forward? but that agency never responded (nor did one contact Angela to express any interest in this case.) Hopefully other programs to whom the information was sent had more options to offer this child (but no, we've heard nothing more.) Thanks for asking.

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Abrazo was contacted today by a mother who is in desperate circumstances and feels her only best option is to place her son and daughter for adoption. Her little boy is turning four on Sunday, and her daughter turned five in June; both children are of full African-American descent and in good health.

This loving mom was hoping to speak with some of Abrazo's prospective adoptive families this evening, as she is anticipating eviction any day. She placed an infant in an open adoption several years ago, and values her ability to keep in touch with that child's family; however, they have adopted again since that placement and are not in a position to take on siblings.

If you or someone you know is homestudy-ready and might be able to open your hearts to this brother and sister, please contact Angela at Abrazo at once: 210/342-5683! Thanks!

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Hoping and praying that there will a family that can help these little ones. Keeping the whole birth family in our prayers.

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Praying for this momma and the two children that she loves. My heart goes out to her and her children.

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Dear Jesus, please hear the prayers of this momma as she makes a loving (but I'm sure very difficult) plan to place her two children for adoption. I pray that someone opens their hearts and home to these two little ones. Thank you for listening, Lord. Amen.

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Praying for these precious children that they find a loving home and situation that is for the BEST involved. AMEN!!!! :D

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Praying for this momma and her two children. This makes my heart ache for this family. May God watch over them.

Tracey

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