San Antonio was shaken by the news of a live newborn in our city who became one of a relatively small national number of babies who need homes. In the sixth largest city in America, a homeless mother was desperate enough to walk away from her child. Who does that, and why?
There really aren’t any easy answers. (We all wish we knew.) But no parent should have to suffer a lifetime of guilt and regret over leaving their baby to be found by strangers, dead or alive. (Anywhere in Texas, Abrazo can help, day or night: just call 1-800-454-5683, and our services are free and confidential.)
Our Promise to Desperate Parents & Babies Who Need Homes
This is Abrazo’s message for the babies who need homes, and for their bio-parents in need of options.
Dear Baby: some infants happen to mamas who are totally ready to parent. Some babies get born and stay with the parents who made them. Other newborns come to mamas who aren’t, but that’s never an infant’s fault. Other babies are born and get to grow up with families who always wanted a child but couldn’t make one themselves. (That’s called adoption, by the way.) How ever you get to the family that’s yours, you belong, and that’s what matters. Your life is a miracle and you are very loved. Remember that, little one… always.
For bio-parents who need options: you are not alone. Authorities in Texas have made unexpected pregnancies far more difficult for females these days. But you still have a number of alternatives, if you are unprepared to parent the baby you are having. Parenting IS optional. There are caring agencies like Abrazo that offer free, non-judgemental services (everything from counseling to housing and medical care and more) for those who adoption plans. And rest assured, there are far more couples hoping to adopt than there are babies who need homes. So whatever a baby’s needs may be, there is always a family ready to care for him or her.
That’s what Abrazo does best: find loving parents for babies who need permanent homes. And we extend love, grace and support to those babies’ mamas, as well.
Choose a Loving Home Instead
Just this week in northeast San Antonio, authorities found an abandoned baby on a trail. This baby was newly born to a homeless mother who was not thinking clearly. Here’s the thing: Abrazo actually knows her. She’s not a bad person– not at all But she’s someone who truly wasn’t in any shape to be someone’s mom; not mentally, not physically, not emotionally and not materially, She wouldn’t intentionally hurt a child, we know that. But for her, as for other mothers who suffer from trauma and other afflictions, she wasn’t leaving a baby on that trail… just moving on from a problem she couldn’t possibly handle.
Females with unwanted pregnancies often suffer from pregnancy denial and dissociation, according to a fascinating study by Diana Kaplan (“Dissociation” is defined by Spinelli as “a psychological coping mechanism by which the brain blocks a person’s conscious awareness of a fact, usually a highly threatening fact… As a consequence, dissociation can prevent a new experience from triggering the conscious re-emergence of a past trauma.) In the most tragic of cases, these mothers may commit neonaticide (the termination of their child’s life) while others fail to protect the baby due to the shock/trauma of an unexpected or undesired birth, medical neglect, low IQ or insanity.
To the psychologically-troubled women who are most likely to abandon or harm their newborns, there’s little difference between a dumpster or a designated dropbox (or a suitcase), after all. In their minds, this is about escaping a problem with the potential to cause them harm… much like a frantic teen we were called to help years ago, who unexpectedly delivered in a toilet at her home and tried to flush the baby she saw only as a discharge. That newborn was saved when her mother heard her daughter’s cries and rushed to the bathroom. (He grew up happy and healthy with one of Abrazo’s adoptive families, by the way.)
How to Help Moms Whose Babies Need Homes
It’s all too easy to judge the females who abandon their young, by saying “she could have just taken the baby to a fire station or left it in a baby box.” But there’s a lot more to it than that. It’s just not that easy if you’re that traumatized female who had no prenatal care, no babydaddy sticking around to help, no baby showers, no family help, no home. She didn’t have the mental clarity to plan ahead, and she was in such a desperate panic, she couldn’t even see what she’d discharged from her body as a tiny living being.
See, this is why the Safe Haven argument falls short, because the females who have the thought processing skills to seek out and use baby boxes tend to not be the mothers who are at actual risk of endangering their babies. Rather, they are usually the conscientious parents who will most regret having abandoned their child/ren (as urged by the State and those who profit from the sale and leasing of those pricey baby boxes.) These are the mothers who could have most benefitted from the services of an ethical adoption agency that continues to provide care and counseling for years to come and makes certain the children grow up with reliable medical history. (Just like Abrazo does.)
As Michelle Oberman, a California law professor who has done extensive research on Safe Haven laws nationwide notes: “it feels to me like such a limited and heartless response to say, ‘We don’t care that you’re unhoused, addicted or mentally ill — just drop off your baby and we’ll let you go on your way.’”
How To Better Protect Babies Who Need Homes
Here’s the facts: the babies who need homes due to Safe Haven abandonments have actually been relatively few in Texas since the Safe Haven laws were implemented first here in 1999. (That’s a good thing,) Despite such laws and the widespread promotion of legalized baby abandonments, there is little or no evidence that Safe Haven saves the lives of the infants most at risk. (One “baby box drop” in Idaho in October 2024 yielded the corpse of a baby believed to be already deceased. Whomever left that child there likely didn’t realize there are cameras on each baby box, and that “no consequences” promise doesn’t apply to everyone who uses those boxes. And it may not have even been the baby’s parent, either.)
It would be far better if Texas (and every other state) used the money that’s invested in fancy ATM-like baby dumping drawers to instead extend services and assistance to at-risk moms, to those who suffer from poverty, addiction, abuse, mental illness and trafficking. Better to provide them the assistance they need to either not get pregnant or to have a safe place to live and get care for themselves and babies really at risk of abandonment,
The baby left on that trail off Austin Highway in San Antonio is already in CPS custody; the State will eventually place him with a ready family. His mama is in jail, facing multiple charges and endless social judgement. (She may be in such a fog she does not even understand why she’s there, yet.) Her own family may totally wash their hands of her, this time. She’s obviously in a mess of trouble. She won’t have to endure it alone, though, because Abrazo is already reaching out to offer her counseling and support. No, she didn’t place her child here, but she surely deserves compassion and care, too, and that’s what we’re called to provide the mothers who need it most.
