“Okay, pretend I’m just a kid and tell me all about adoption?”
It’s harder to do than it sounds. Adoption is sometimes complicated, after all. (Which may explain what sometimes makes it hard for parents to explain adoption to children?) And helping anyone know “all about adoption” could take a lifetime.
In this case, though, the question was coming from someone facing an unwanted pregnancy. In Texas these days, an unplanned pregnancy can change someone’s life forever, So she was thinking about adoption for her baby. She wanted to know all about adoption to make an informed decision. But she wanted to know all about adoption in terms she could easily understand.
So here it goes.
All About Adoption if You’re Pregnant
How do I even start an adoption? Click here to learn more
If you’re pregnant, in Texas, you can make an adoption plan before the birth and learn all about adoption here. You can receive counseling free of charge. You can sign up to work with a licensed nonprofit adoption agency like Abrazo. Here, you can choose the adoptive parents you want for your child. Some expectant moms may qualify for limited financial help with living expenses. You can meet the adopting couple you chose and pick the baby’s name together. You can consult with any attorney about the adoption paperwork in advance.
Still, a baby has to be at least 48 hours old before any legal adoption decision can be made. So you can’t legally give up your parental rights or commit to adoption until at least 2 days after the birth. The legal paper you sign is an irrevocable relinquishment form. It is a confidential document that forever gives up legal rights to a child. Abrazo’s attorney takes paperwork to court on behalf of the birthparents (the parents who placed their child for adoption) . Remember, though: there’s no reclaim period or do-overs after signing a child over to a licensed Texas adoption agency. (So don’t sign if you’re not sure it’s really best for your baby.)
A child placed for adoption can go right home with the chosen adoptive parents. As a safeguard, though, Abrazo remains the child’s legal guardian and supervises until the adoption gets finalized. Adoption isn’t an easy choice to make, and again, it’s permanent. So it’s normal for birthparents to get in their feels afterwards. Some experience grief or depression (even if they’re totally happy with the family they chose,) That’s why it’s so important to get counseling, and to only do an open adoption with people you know you can trust, since in Texas, contact agreements are voluntary and not legally-enforceable.
All About Adoption if You’re Adopting
Abrazo primarily works with couples with documented infertility, which means they are unable to medically conceive a child of their own. They start by submitting Abrazo’s preapplication form (called the AP Inquiry.) Approved preapplicants get sent the full application, which is much more in-depth. Once accepted, they go through background checks and fingerprinting, and hours of trainings about adoption and parenting. They also must complete a series of interviews with a licensed social worker, who writes up a homestudy approving them to adopt. And they create a 6-8 page profile about themselves, just for prospective birthparents to review.
Once chosen by a prospective birthparent, the adopting parents receive a case assessment. This is so they can decide whether or not the case feels like a good fit? When they commit, they are “matched” with the prospective birthparent. They spend the time until the due date getting to know each other through calls, texts and visits. If they are invited to be at the hospital for the birth, they are there as the mom’s support team (but not as the baby’s “new parents” since they aren’t that until the legal papers get signed,)
When the paperwork is done, the baby can go right to the adopting parents. (If they’re from out-of-state, they must remain in Texas a week or so, until the ICPC offices in both our state and theirs approves the baby’s move across state lines.) For the next 6-12 months, Abrazo continues to supervise the baby’s adjustment to the new home. After the post-placement supervision is complete, the adoptive family returns to Bexar County to finalize the adoption in court.
How Adoptees Feel About All This
Across their growing up years, it’s common for adopted kids to have lots of different feelings and thoughts about being adopted. The healthiest adoptees have always known their adoption story and their birthfamily. Nobody kept anything (or anyone) a secret from them, so it’s always been their “normal” (just as it should be.)
This doesn’t mean they don’t have questions. (Just like any other kid!) Adopted kids often wonder who they look like, why they got adopted in the first place? They’re often curious what life might have been like if they weren’t adopted? Wondering these things is normal, and it’s important for them to be able to talk about this, without worrying that it wanting to know might hurt their parents’ feelings.
Some adoptees are happy they got adopted. Others are not. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to feel about adoption. Many kids who are adopted are still very close with their birthfamily members; others may not choose to be involved. Many Abrazokids grow up having visits with their birthparents every year. They consider their birthfamily to be just more relatives that love them. (Which they are.) Again, this is just normal for kids in open adoptions. Here at Abrazo, we’re all about adoption, so it’s great to see how it benefits Abrazo’s adoptees.
Want to Learn All about Adoption?
If you want to learn more about how adoption works, we suggest you start by doing some homework. Order the book Adoption Unfiltered on Amazon, or ask about it at your local library. Listen to this podcast with adoptee and adoption expert Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao. You can also find a load of free information about adoption in the Child Welfare Information Gateway. And don’t forget that you can always call the friendly folks at Abrazo (1-800-454-5683) to talk about how adoption works, as well. Only you can decide if adoption is right for you and your child, so if you know all about adoption, the better choice you’re likely to make.
