Abrazo is in need of more childless couples seeking to adopt. (But not just any will do.) We’re seeking emotionally stable, financially-secure, childless married couples age 25 or over, who have documented infertility, and are committed to open adoption. (That’s saying a lot, isn’t it? Sorry/not sorry.)
Yes, we know that there are lots of great families out there who already have kids and want more. And plenty of would-be adopters could have “kids of their own” but want to choose gender. And there are probably just as many lovely single folks who are ready to give all their love and attention to a child with or without having a spouse.
Yet the majority of placing parents with whom we’re worked since 1994 usually have a solid preference. They want for their babies to go home with traditionally-married couples with infertility, who have no other children in the home (yet.)
But why just childless couples seeking to adopt?
Abrazo does work with those who have secondary infertility or who have adopted previously, of course. But like most programs, we find potential birthparents have less interest in putting their child up for adoption with families who already have kids.
Why is it that childless couples seeking to adopt seem to have an advantage over everybody else in the adoption process? It’s a question often asked by families with kids who are trying to adopt, as well as singles seeking to adopt a baby. The short answer to the question of why childless couples seeking to adopt usually get chosen faster than people who already have children is this:
Any parent placing a baby for adoption naturally hopes their child will be the most special, most needed and most adored kid in the adoptive parents’ lives.
Most mothers who give a baby up for adoption already have other kids, themselves. They know that it’s commonly the firstborn whose arrival will have the biggest impact in the lives of a couple who cannot become parents any other way. Birthparents naturally want to know that their loving sacrifice on behalf of their child will truly be life-changing for the adopting couple. (Not just check a box for some couple who want more kids or whose children desire another sibling.)
Exceptions to the rule
At Abrazo, we encourage the expectant parents who come to make adoption plans to look over profiles of all our homestudy-ready adoptive parents, with or without kids.
There are some factors that can make childless couples less appealing, of course. Prospective birthparents are often less attracted to hopeful adoptive couples who have a gender preference, or those who are very racially restrictive (the “we only want a white baby” types), and/or who only want to do a closed adoption. Adopters who are either too young or too old also raise concerns, as do newlyweds. We also find most prospective birthparents fear that adopters who can “have their own baby” probably will someday. They rightfully worry about an adopted child having to compete for affection with a couple’s biological offspring.
Placing parents who are looking to match for the “right” reasons are not focused on how much money the adoptive couple makes or how fancy their house may look. (Indeed, many prospective birthparents worry about adopting parents who travel a lot resenting how much a new baby may curtail their trips.) Some, for whom their own sibling relationships mean a lot, may specifically seek a family with other children. Experienced mothers planning to place more often realize the value of choosing adopters who are already experienced parents, themselves.
How to Pick the Best Adoption Match
We have found the way to pick the best match is to interview at least three prospective adoptive couples. Whether you like to converse “freestyle” or have a prepared list of questions to ask, what you want to look for is which couple is the most open with you and feels like somebody you can truly be friends with, for life.
Our advice to placing parents is to only consider adopting couples who have no problem sharing their identifying information upfront– things like their last names, their actual place of employment and their city of residence, plus their real phone numbers (not just Google phone numbers.)
But don’t stop there. Ask them to Skype or FaceTime with you, so you can check out whether they match their photos. There’s no “legal” reason that adopting couples can’t be totally transparent with you. (And those who choose not to are telling you something about how they’ll handle entire adoption process, so beware.)
When you’ve found the “right” adoption match, be sure to meet them in person and spend plenty of time together before the baby’s born and papers must be signed. Whether or not you’re planning for open adoption, you need to know upfront who they really are and whether they’re honestly worthy of your child (and your faith in them.) And if you have doubts, don’t be afraid to walk away from a match. Better safe than sorry!
Because even if you start out only considering childless couples seeking to adopt, the best choice you can ultimately make for your baby is to pick someone you can truly trust, for life.