“I need to know how to do a secret adoption,” she whispered. People have asked Abrazo how to do a secret adoption for nearly three decades now, and they have lots of different reasons for needing to put a baby up for adoption without anybody knowing.
In this case, a single schoolteacher in a private Catholic school was calling from her classroom– while her students were out for recess. She knew she could lose her job for moral infractions, if they learned she was pregnant out of wedlock. The baby’s father was not in the picture. so she’d successfully hidden the secret pregnancy from everyone so far, with baggy clothing. She’d already put in for vacation time (and her doctor had agreed to induce the birth then.) But she needed to get an adoption plan in place, quick.
She absolutely had every right to ask how to do a secret adoption. Abrazo was able to provide her with counseling to be sure adoption was a choice she could live with.
The agency helped her deliver in a private hospital “on blackout” so nobody could find out she was there or why, She was able to keep her job, and her students were saved from losing a great teacher, as a result. Years later, she found the man of her dreams, left teaching, and became a stay-at-home parent when she was truly ready to be a mom.
Why people ask how to do a secret adoption
The reasons are varied. How Abrazo can help depends on the circumstances, of course. And yes, it IS possible to do an adoption in secret and have it still be completely legal– but only if it can be done ethically, and without any expectation that the adoption will be kept a secret from the adoptee. (Adoptees have a right to know they’re adopted, and with DNA testing easily available nowadays, nobody should ever expect any adoption to remain a secret forever.) Remember. though: there’s a difference between secrecy and privacy. Mothers do have a right to privacy, and HIPPA laws do protect patient confidentiality under the laws of every state.
Got pregnant by an affair?
Sometimes, a married woman has gotten pregnant by somebody other than her husband. If she wants to keep the pregnancy a secret from her nosy relatives or to keep her personal business from becoming public gossip, we can help. But there is no way she can legally surrender the baby for adoption in Texas without the consent of one or both men, since in Texas, a legally-married husband has paternal responsibility for any child born to his wife during their marriage. (That’s right: whether or not he’s the bio-dad. Contact an attorney for legal advice, if needed.)
For teenagers who are pregnant and want to give a baby up for adoption without their parents knowing: yes, this can be legally done in Texas. Texas laws require parental consent for abortion (or a judicial override) but there is no “age of consent” for adoption. This means that anyone old enough to get pregnant can secretly plan for adoption without their parents needing to know. Abrazo generally encourages pregnant teens to not keep secrets from their parents, but teens with compelling reasons (parental abuse, family insistence on abortion, etc.) to keep their pregnancy secret do have a legal right to privacy in adoption planning.
Delivered baby unexpectedly
Sometimes, mothers call Abrazo having delivered a baby unexpectedly, with no prenatal care and no advance planning, and that’s not a problem here. One birthmom who birthed a baby in her toilet had no idea she’d been pregnant, and had nothing ready for parenting a child. She considered leaving the baby at a fire station, but didn’t want to have to deal with seeing her secret on the news, so she called Abrazo instead of abandoning the infant under Safe Haven laws. Later, she told Abrazo she felt so much better about having secretly placed him for adoption here, because she never had to deal with guilt nor worry or wonder what became of her child in state care.
Pregnant by a family member?
Years ago, adoption agencies used to get calls from fathers wanting to help arrange adoptions for their pregnant daughters. There’s no problem with loving parents trying to assist their daughters with adoption, if the pregnant female has asked them to help. There is a problem, however, if a father is trying to arrange a secret adoption because he or another family member had fathered his daughter’s baby. Adoption can not be done in secret in violation of state laws requiring family sexual abuse to be reported to law enforcement officials.
Pregnant in the US but not a citizen?
Any baby born in the US can be legally placed for adoption, regardless of whether or not the mother is a US citizen. Abrazo can and does assist migrants with adoption plans free of charge, and we do have translators, if the mother is not Engish-speaking.
Cualquier bebé nacido en los USA. puede ser puesto legalmente en adopción, sin importar si la madre es ciudadana estadounidense o no. Abrazo puede y asiste a los inmigrantes con planes de adopción sin cargo, y tenemos traductores si la madre no habla inglés.
Hiding pregnancy from an abusive boyfriend?
The safety of the mothers with whom Abrazo works is of the ultimate importance to us. Mothers can call Abrazo anytime day or night to help us understand their situation better: 1-800-454-5683. There are circumstances in which the courts may allow an adoption plan to proceed in ways that will protect the mother and the baby, so let’s work together to find a way we can help.
Need to place despite family opposition?
It’s not always a mother who’s needing to place in private. Not long ago, Abrazo assisted a single father with full custody rights who wanted to know how to place without involving his relatives. His job was transferring him, and his child’s needs were far greater than he or his family could manage. He was able to move his child into an adoptive home without interference, and still has the option of communication to keep informed of his child’s progress, exactly as he’d hoped.
Whatever the reason, Abrazo is always ready to listen and assist those who ask how to do a secret adoption– and if we can’t, we’ll tell you why. Our adoption agency supports clients as needed for years to come, ensuring the birthparents, our adoptees and their adoptive parents can all be proud of any adoption that was done here.