She already has six children she is raising as a single mom, but pregnant again, she’s drawn the line at another, and when asked why, she replied “because adoption is better.” Better than what, we asked? She looked around her cluttered two bedroom apartment, at her preschool-aged twins fighting in the living room and the toddler asleep in his high chair and answered wearily: “better than this.”
It isn’t just that she’s tired, she assured us. With no spouse, no family support, no job, no car, three kids in school and three still at home, she’s got no time for herself. She has little hope of improving life for herself and the children she’s got already. She used to have dreams for the future, she says, but “just getting by and not having to struggle so bad” seems like the best she can hope for. (And she’s only 31.)
She had considered adoption for the twins, she said, but then their father showed up at the hospital at the last minute, promising to bring over diapers and baby clothes if she’d take them home. (She did. He didn’t.) “I know adoption is better for babies than being somewhere they’re not really wanted. I felt bad for a long time, knowing I shoulda just done the adoption instead of letting him talk me out of it. Look all it cost them? They coulda had a fulltime mom and a dad and their own rooms and… well, you know.”
The last baby had been a surprise, so she didn’t have time to put an adoption plan in place, but this time, she said, she was sure that adoption was the best choice she could make. “I want more for this baby. I want more for the children I already have. And I want better for me, too, even if that seems selfish. I gotta believe adoption is better– for all of us, this time.”
Adoption may not guarantee a better future in every situation, but often, it is an optimal option. Here’s why…
Adoption is safer than abortion.
Neither alternative is easy, but for people of faith and for those who believe in life, adoption is better than abortion because it allows a baby to have a new life in a new home with a new family that is prepared to commit to parenthood and vows to love the child they adopt as their own. Abortion services have become nearly impossible to find in Texas since before the Dobbs decision, but adoption agencies are in ample supply statewide. Birthmothers who choose open adoption as it’s done at Abrazo find that knowing where their child goes and keeping in touch with the adoptive family often allows them a sense of certainty that the decision they made for their baby truly was “for the best.”
Adoption is more positive than Safe Haven baby abandonment.
Abandoning a baby in a baby box, firehouse or hospital, even if it’s legal, can cause lasting issues and lifelong questions for the foundling. This makes adoption a far better choice because it assures children that their placement was carefully planned and lovingly coordinated by all their parents. Adoption enables them to grow up with a healthy knowledge of their own birth, ethnicity and their birthfamily medical history, which results in a stronger sense of self-identity, something that’s important for mental health through the lifespan.
Adoption is healthier than losing custody to the State.
When a parent loses parental rights due to Child Protective Services involvement in their child’s life, that child grows up with a painful legacy of loss and shame. Babies that go into CPS care can end up spending a year or more of their life in a foster home before the courts approve a permanent placement, even if only the mother tested positive for drugs at time of birth. However, babies placed for adoption through Abrazo can go straight home from the hospital with the adoptive parents their birthmother chose for them, and the birthparent/s can keep in touch with the adoptive family, too, if they wish– something the State typically does not allow. (And Abrazo adoptions are private, unlike CPS cases, which can result in lasting child welfare records.)
Why adoption is better more than often than not…
Adoption is not a perfect solution in every parenting crisis, of course, and not every adoptee always feels adoption was best for them. Yet research shows that adoption typically results in adopted children gaining significant advantages in the areas of educational opportunity, medical treatment, economic stability and domestic safety. Birthparents can find that the relinquishment experience can result in separation, loss and grief for them after an adoption decision is made, but the majority report that open adoption provides them an element of comfort and allows for ongoing contact between them, the adoptee and the families of both, if they so choose. Adoptive parents who do open adoption likewise tend to report a higher level of satisfaction and a better bond with the child/ren they adopt.
To date, Abrazo has nearly three decades of experience doing ethical, child-centered adoptions that enable birthparents, adoptees and adoptive parents to take pride in the adoptions done here. This agency is proud to have completed thousands of success stories attesting to why adoption is better, because at Abrazo, adoptions get done the right way and for the right reasons.
