In the midst of this unforeseen pandemic, this needs to be said: thank you adoptive parents.
Yes, we know you wanted to adopt. You signed up for that But this is way more than that.
So know this: WE SEE YOU. We know this isn’t easy. It wasn’t expected, none of it.
Please know that we appreciate all you’re doing to keep your child/ren (and ours) safe, healthy and well. We know the kids are in good hands. We know you’re going above and beyond the call for your family and for ours. And we want you to know we’re grateful… (all of us.)
Please Take Note…
Parenting isn’t easy even under the normal circumstances. Adoption isn’t, either.
But these are anything but normal times.
Those who endure the rigors of the adoption process and adapt to parenthood simultaneously already have their work cut out for them. Factor in all the demands of an open adoption, and it’s way more challenging.
Now the stakes are even higher. Middle-class working families who scrimped and saved to adopt are suddenly finding themselves facing challenges similar to those of the birthfamilies who placed with them. In the midst of this crisis, adoptive parents are having to shelter in place, work at home or endure unemployment. Many are living off their savings. Some are cut off from their usual support systems, while others find the isolation testing their marriages in ways they never anticipated.
Recently-placed parents still being supervised are grappling with unknowns about the process, not unlike placing parents unsure what to expect after placement. Adoptive parents of older children are suddenly finding themselves having to essentially home-school, even if they’re still holding down a full-time job outside the home.
It’s a scary time for everybody. (And that’s even before you consider the burden of responsibility parents feel about protecting their children from a mysterious and deadly virus.) Adoptive parents feel a heavy obligation to their child/ren’s birthfamilies, whether they’re still in contact or not. That’s enough to keep anybody awake at night, so on behalf of our staff and birthfamilies, we want to say: thank you, adoptive parents!
Thank you for being there for the child/ren we placed with you. Gracias for caring enough to keep us informed on how things are going, even in the midst of this epic storm. Thanks for going the extra mile to protect your family. Thank you for your courage, grace and resilience.
And Remember: You ARE Making a Difference.
As a family, you are making memories that will truly be historic, for this is an era your kids will refer to for years to come. You ARE making a difference, in ways you can’t even imagine. This is not “all for naught,” even if it might seem that way after a month of house arrest.
It’s unlikely that anyone in your household is taking time to thank you for keeping things going right now. They may not notice how many more meals you’re fixing or how much more laundry you’re doing. They don’t know how worried you may be about your investment accounts. You may not be your best self right now. Maybe you’re finding yourself yelling more often than you want to admit. You might be going stir crazy, or succumbing to some normal pandemic depression, as many folks are.
Please, find a way to take time for you, too, and to take good care of yourself. Whether that means getting away for a walk or sitting in the car for a good cry or taking extra time in a hot shower, you need time to recharge those inner batteries.
You’re Not As Alone As You May Feel
Feel free to also reach out for help as needed. We know you’re doing your best, so please remember: you don’t have to be perfect for us (“us” being your children’s birthparents and your adoption agency staff.) If you need encouragement, we’re here for you. If you’re completely overwhelmed, it’s okay to admit it. Trust us: we get it.
Abrazo’s staff is still in the office every weekday if you need to be able to call and hear another grownup voice. We’re holding Zoom socials every so often, if you need to see a human face outside your own household. If you can’t keep your escrow balance at the required minimum right now or your homework or reports are going to be late, we’ll understand. We’re all in this together, you know.
Our society too often makes a spectator sport of being down on adoptive parents. But these days are a reminder that when it all hits the fan, it’s the people who want(ed) to be parents most who rise to the challenge and hold it all together for everyone. So please know that you who have adopted and forever put the best interests of your child/ren first are still heroes to us all… especially now.
So thank you, adoptive parents, on everyone’s behalf and especially for the kids we all love and cherish.