When it comes to having more kids, how do you know when enough is enough?
Babies don’t just happen when the timing is “right,” of course.
For people with infertility, babies don’t “just happen” at all. Couples with infertility have to make very conscientious choices about how to get a child. They face the same issues about having more kids in the future.
For people with hyperfertility, babies “do” seem to “just happen” and often, at the worst possible times. Women for whom birth control doesn’t seem to work face agonizing choices. Are they prepared to parent/parent again or not? And how should they deal with unplanned pregnancies in the future?
Whether having more kids is the question or the answer, adoption can be an ideal option, when it’s done the right way and for the right reasons. Abrazo helps connect parents who need to place with parents who need to adopt. As a licensed agency, Abrazo provides placing parents with needed housing, medical care, counseling and other assistance, during pregnancy and after placement. Adopting parents receive counseling, adoption education and post-adoption support, as well.
When Another Kid is One Too Many
The majority of Abrazo birthparents are loving parents. Most have other children whom they’re choosing to parent. This may surprise those who think of birthparents as being kids who are incapable of parenting. However, the birthparents who place children here while opting to parent others do so in hopes of stabilizing life for all their kids.
This can be hard for adoptees to understand, sometimes. “Why did she give me up but keep the others?” adoptees sometimes ask. The unspoken fear, of course, is that the adoptee was somehow rejected by the birthparent(s). Yet the truth is typically that the decision had nothing to do with the adoptee. Usually, it had more to do with the timing, with economics, or the nature of the birthparents’ relationship at the time.
Some birthparents mistakenly try to erase post-placement grief by immediately having a “replacement pregnancy.” This ultimately is far less effective than good post-adoption counseling, though. No matter how well-intentioned, another baby will never replace the child that was placed. (And all the children in such circumstances may struggle with feeling “shorted,” in time.)
By the same token, though; some birthparents who place feel guilty about having done so. This leaves them feeling unworthy of ever having more children in the future, even if they’re more stable and ready for children later on. If this is you, please know: the child/ren you placed for adoption don’t want your sacrifice for them to forever cost you the chance of ever parenting later on. (Trust us.)
How do you know when there’s still room for more?
In a world full of children who need loving and stable homes, how do you decide when to adopt again, or when to be done?
For some folks, the answer is clear; they only ever intended to raise as many children as they’ve got. Or their age and energy levels, or their job demands and bank balances, answer that question early on.
For others, though, adoption can become something of an addiction, odd as this may sound. The excitement of adopting and the gratification that comes with it drives some families to adopt again and again. This is not uncommon of “special needs families,” who depend upon the adoption subsidies provided in order to become full-time adopters.
The ultimate question should always be determined by the best needs of the child/ren involved: how can the potential adoptee’s best interests best be met? The best answer is often adoption– but sometimes not. Sometimes the answer is adoption, but by someone else.
And sometimes adoption is the right answer, yet the child who needs you most is one whom you would be least likely to pursue.
Needing to be needed?
If you’re thinking you need more children, here’s where you’re needed most.
The four siblings featured in the photo above are Cynthia, Johnathan, Melondy & Stephanie. They’re one of many sibling groups already freed for adoption, and waiting for a family here in Texas. These kids, like so many, were involuntarily removed from their original home, so the costs of their adoption through the State will be virtually free for whatever family qualifies to adopt them, since the taxpayers subsidize the costs. (Click here to learn more.)
The children featured in the Heart Gallery for every state are truly the kids most in need of being adopted. They’re not babies anymore; many are children who maybe ought to have been voluntarily placed for adoption at birth, but who weren’t and ended up in the system instead. As a result, thousands of older kids and sibling groups across America need loving homes, too.
Having more kids is a decision that should always be made with much forethought and careful consideration of all your options. Call Abrazo if having more kids is a discussion that just might require our help.