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An interesting dilemma... a birthmom who placed some years ago has since found Mr. Right and they are expecting a new little someone. The birthmom's mother has kept in touch with the adoptive family (and the granddaughter who was placed for adoption even served as flower girl at her birthmomma's wedding). However, the birthgrandma is now struggling with her daughter's new pregnancy (and the fact that the birthmom is hiding the news from the adoptive family because she doesn't know how to tell them). Birthgrandma is questioning her daughter's right to get pregnant again after all the last experience put them through. Both the birthmom and her mother are worried that the child who was placed may feel rejected (the why-did-they-keep-this-baby-but-not-me thing.) And both are concerned that the beloved adoptive family, who has tried to adopt again without success, may be hurt or secretly resentful that the new sibling will not be joining their home as well. Suggestions, anyone?

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Guest Mommy2

I can only speak from the Adoptive family point of view.  I would think the Adoptive family would be happy for the birthmom.  If they celebrated her marriage together, why would they be shocked that she and her new husband want to start a family.  Her previous pregancy and ultimate adoption plan was what was best for her and her baby at that time.  The adoptive family is blessed with that child and hopefully will be able to see that the birthmom is now in a place in her life that she is ready to be called mommy.  To me this sounds like a happy ending.

Just my thoughts.

Mommy2

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  • 4 years later...

This week, we got a reference letter in for one of our adoptive families who took placement here several years ago and are planning to adopt again. It was written by their child's birthgrandparents, and it moved us to tears. I'm taking the liberty of deidentifying it and sharing it here because I think it speaks volumes about what open adoption is truly about:

Dear Abrazo,

My wife and I have been asked to write you a letter about our feelings regarding ____ and _____ as adoptive parents. For the past two years we've been in contact with them. They have come back to Texas at least four times. They have taken (our daughter and the child she's parenting) on two summer vacations with them so that they have personal contact with (the adopted child.) They came to Texas for (the adopted child's) 1st birthday so that we could be involved in our birthgranddaughter's first birthday.

When the ____s came to Texas to adopt ____, (the adoptive mom) walked up to my wife in the hospital and told her that she was now a part of their family. They have lived up to that statement. They are not only our birthgrandchild's mother and father, but are part of our family, and good friends, too. We went to the _____'s home in ______ for this Christmas. We met most of their family. Both my wife and I believe that we could not have become a part of a better family. We were completely accepted as a part of the Christmas celebration.

We have been able to see that ___ is a very happy and well cared for child. At this time we know our daughter has contacted you and the ____ family about adopted the next child that she will give birth to within the next month. We wholeheartedly agree that the _____s are the right family. The love in their whole family for children is the greatest that I have ever seen. We would like for all of our grandchildren to be raised together in the atmosphere like the ____ family has to offer.

In closing, let me say that the _____ family is the family we would've chosen to be the parents of our grandchildren if we would have picked the parents ourselves. We believe that they have been sent from heaven to help us care for our grandchildren.

Yours truly...

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This is what it's all about!

What a tribute to open adoption and the people who believe in it and live it (both birthfamilies and adoptive families)

Thanks for sharing Elizabeth - what a heartwarmer!!!

Lisa

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