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DebraSmith

newbie here

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Hello everyone! My name is Debra, and I am a birth mom (or will be in August). I saw Abrazo on TV while I was watching an adoption story on Discovery Health. I was working with Gladney (blahh) at the time, but I was very unhappy with the way things were going with them. When I saw Elizabeth talking about open adoption I knew that's what I wanted. I just had no clue that was something that was even done.

So within 2 hours of my first phone call to Abrazo (which by the way was so amazing) I was being contacted by Ap's. All the couples that called me were wonderful people, but there was one couple that I clicked with instantly. Who knew things could be that easy? We both know in our hearts that we are a match, but were just waiting for it to be made "official" so we can meet in person. I know I'm dying to meet them.

What I’m wondering is; are there any other birth moms on here who are still pregnant, have chosen AP's, and are just going through their pregnancy getting to know each other?

I would also like to here from some "been there done that" birth moms who can give me some insight on the road I have in front of me.

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First I'd like to say "welcome!"  I placed my daughter in 1995.  I can't exactly tell you for sure what lies ahead on your journey, each person's experience is different, all I can do is share my experience.  Meeting Terry and Joann (Tori's AP'S) was an amazing experience, and continues to be to this day.  It was very scary at first, all kinds of crazy thoughts went through my head (mostly like they must think poorly of me for ending up in that situation, but that was SOOO far from reality!;) but meeting them really solidified my decision.  It put me at ease to get to know them, and to this day we have a wonderful relationship that is always there no matter how hectic our lives may become.  I know this is not always the case in adoptions, and we are all very fortunate to have connected like we did.  Don't forget, they are going to be just as nervous as you are too!  My bigest advice is to really enjoy the experience and ask lots of questions and really get to know eachother, it's a wonderful time on your journey together!

Abrazo and their staff were (and are!;) so amazingly supportive.  I only  have one regret with regards to the whole adoption experience... that I didn't take advantage of their offer to help me emotionally.  I thought I needed to be tough and strong, when I should have been honest with my own emotions and realized that the enormous range of things I was feeling was not only ok, but perfectly normal!  I don't know if I answered your questions, but just know you are in good hands!  Sorry I rambled on so much here!  Hope this helps!

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HEAR YE, HEAR YE!!!! another Birthmom joins our ranks!! Yippee! Glad you are joining us here in Abrazo-land, Debra! Congrats on finding "your way' to the open adoption haven that abrazo has created.. I know i thank God every day for what they have done for me and others in the adoption world.

Anyways, My name is Lisa and I placed my son 5 years ago this week. The process for me was not as short, or as glorious, as yours, that is until I met my sons parents. They were the end-all-be-all for me in my search. The two of them welcomed me into the family and continue to do so every day. I also have a 9 year old daughter that is here with me. So the benefits of an open adoption extend beyond just my own personal needs, it will allow two siblings to be in touch at a much younger age.  As a birthmom I have learned that the more support you have from family, friends, agency, triad members (those of us that are 1-birthparents, 2-adoptive parents,3-adoptees) and from your AP's the better you will end up. Feel free that if you need or want to talk to get one of those outrageous Abrazo-gals on the horn and get some contact info for us. Several of the bitrhmoms  are available to talk at any time and are more than happy to:

1. Listen

2. Wipe tears

3. Co-miserate

4. Talk (if you need to listen)

5. Hug & Hold a hand

Plus many other things! (you just let us know what ya need and we will do our best.) Don't be surprised if due to hormone changes, and the emotional stress of placing, you are ready to laugh, cry, scream or jump for joy all at the same time. Your AP"S may be ready to do the same tho. Just take it one step at a time, maybe start an email conversation with your AP's. This would allow you to ask the hard or embarrasing questions and also give answers without the stress of how to word it. Email gives you the time to think over your answer and figure out exactly what you want to say, without all the long pauses like on the phone. also dont be afraid to ask the fun or more interesting questions.. one of the birthmom's askes what their first concert was, I asked what their first jobs were and at your earliest memory-what they wanted to be when the grew up. Anything quirky tends to drop the stress level of getting to know each other.

anyways I will stop rambling, I could talik for hours... good luck and welcome to Abrazo. We are glad you are here!

Lisa

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Hello!! Welcome!!  My name is Loriahn (Angel) I am a birthmother of 4 (2 year old triplets that I placed though Abrazo) and a 11 month old baby girl.   ANd also, I am a step mother to three beautiful kids Michael 11, Tori almost 8 and Libbi 4.  

I found the forum VERY supportive through my whole adoption experience.  :-) So welcome....we are here for you.......

hugs, Loriahn

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Curiosity!!!

Alethea, where Are you????

hugs-Amanda ph34r.gif

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I placed my son Malik with a loving famliy that I met through Abrazo only hours after I gave birth to him this past Nov. I fel so lost and scared. I knew that I wasn't able to take Malik home with me from the hospital because I had no way to take care of him. I already had a one year old son and an new born baby was not in my picture. This was one of the hardest decisions in my life and at the same time one of the easiest. It's wonderful that you have already found a famliy that you click with so well. If it feels right in your heart than it probably is. The girls at Abrazo are amazing. I didn't contact them till the day that my son was born and wow did they work fast to help me. I only talked to Pamela a few times but she was just so understanding and made me feel good about what I was doing. You sure did pick an amazing agency to work with. Good Luck to you.

Rachel

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Rachel,

Welcome to the Abrazo forum. My name is Elicia and I am birthmother to Nicholas and Grace. I placed Nicholas in June 1998 through Abrazo. I placed Grace in April of 2000 through a private adoption.

Adoption is a hard thing to do ! I never regretted my decision to palce either child for adoption. It does get easier everyday even though I know that is not something you want to hear.

Alot of support can be found on this forum just talk away.

WELCOME!

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Rachel,

Welcome to the Abrazo Family. I placed my son, Jared, in 1998. I met the AP's only once before placement. I wish there had been more visits but I didn't place after birth. I raised my son until he was 10 months old. Things will seem very difficult but my best advice is to take one day at a time. Always take a deep breath when you start to feel overwhelmed. And if that doesn't work, contact anyone of us birthmom's to talk everything through or jump online with us!

Going through this, you will meet alot of strong and wonderful women who have been in your shoes. We don't pass judgement so don't feel ashamed about anything that your thinking or feeling. We've all been there.

Something that helped me go through the process without pulling out my hair was listening to music that would cause me to cry out my anger, frustration, guilt, and most of all, LOVE! Enya has a new CD out called "Aramantine". It's a great CD. I used to listen to Enya and look at my son's photos so that I could get my crying out at home and not bust out crying when seeing another baby. But keep in mind that you are doing this for your child. I placed my son because I wanted him to have everything that I never got. He deserved a whole lot more than what I could give him at that time. If it helps, write letters to your child and when that child is old enough to understand everything you can give him those letters. So that your child will understand what went through your mind during the whole process. And don't stop the letters after placement. Write down all of your feelings and thoughts. And if when your child is 18 or so, and you don't want him to have those letters, put them in a safe place and save them for later or burn them. Whatever you want to do with them!

Anyways, didn't mean to start rambling but just know that we are all here for you if you need someone to talk with! It's kind of a sisterhood here!

Love Always,

Melissa

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Rachel,

I just wanted to say hi and welcome!!! I am also pregnant. 23 weeks to be exact. So Im in the home stretch here. I also came to Abrazo from another agency that wasnt treating me right. Same story as you pretty much, clicked with one family even tho I thought highly of all the ones who called. I talk to my AP's every day either on the phone or in email. Actually, they will be here this Thursday to go to my Dr appt and to spend a few days with me. Feel free to email me anytime to talk or whatever. Im here for ya girl!!!!

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