Lisa2

I would like to begin by saying that I am greatful to live in a country where we are allowed to have the opinions we do and express them with others, without fear of repression. THANK GOD FOR THAT. Also, I am glad we all have the guts to share, as it does "put us out there" in a way. I truly believe no ill will was meant or taken, and that by posting we enter into an unstated agreement to listen and care for others, and not be mortally wounded either. I hope all of us, JADA THIS MEANS YOU TOO, will continue to have a discussion on this and other topics, even if we have to rearrange our thought

While I may have been "out of the loop" on this topic for the beginings, I have read the amjority of what was said, & am familiar with the original story that began it all. I would like to begin by saying that no matter who's toes get stepped on the point is that we are discussing it, and no ill will was meant, nor taken, from what I can see. I firmly believe the benefit of this country I call home is that it is a melting pot for all our own ideas and beliefs. that we are allowed to have these opinions, and share them. thank

My pregnancies were not hidden from everyone, just from some people. I avoided seeing my family that lived 3 hours away. I did many of the things in Elizabeth's list to avoid my mom, who I lived with in the during one of my pregnancies. She asked, I denied. I refused to tell her, I know why, it is not hard to figure out. She was always so critical and judgemental of me. She was pushy and had to have things her way, even when it was not her choice. She found out just after I delivered my son, and her way of dealing was to tell his new parents how irresponsible and impulsive I was, and how that

I am not sure how my son's extended family felt about the openness that his AP's chose to begin with. However, I do know that they LOVE him and seem to be nice friendly people. I have had the joy of speaking with the "MawMaw" and she is always very gracious, and caring. I just love all of them, even if we have not had the pleasure of speaking. After all they DO have impact on my son, and how he will view our relationship as he grows. Lisa

I took the liberty of forwarding it to the "other" agency used in Zoe's placement. I hope that she will pass along to all the AP's who are on the fence about openness. Lisa

I am including my email to the author and her response... Me to her.. Tell me just how you can consider it “open communication” if the adoptive parents do not acknowledge the existence and reality of a birthfamily that is involved with the children? I am more than a little confused. I would recommend you do your homework on what open adoption really means from more than one source, because in no way would I describe the comments in the article as “open” adoption language. I would be happy to speak with you, or you may contact the agency I placed my son through, Abrazo Adoptions Assoc. in S

I just read an article from the MSn homepage... about why she chose adoption. It is obvious that it is an "open" one but it makes me furious that they do not SAY it is open. http://lifestyle.msn.com/familyandparentin...9437&page=1

Amen and a thousand thank yous to all those who preach "open" in all they do & say. You're the ones who make birthmoms get past their grief.

My top 3 for my daughter were a loving family/home, faithful parents (religion as well as to each other and their family) and the opporutnities I never had. now they are... those 3 but I have to add in the knowledge and love that comes with knowledge of her birthfamily and the removal of negative ideas that we are to be feared/kept in our "protective wrappers" until Zoe choses to open up (which most adoptees do not feel they can do at her age) My top 3 were and still are for my son a loving home where his birthfamily is welcome and integrated into his knowledge from the start a fai

I grieve for my mom & all she is missing out on. I just can't bear to discuss any "happiness" I may have due to my choices to place Joshua or my glimmer of hope in th placement of Zoe. She is so consumed by her own feelings that she is missing out on the love joy and firendship of Joshua & his family and will in turn miss out on any info I gain on Zoe. My mom is just so hateful about things that it has driven a wedge into an already strained relationship & I no longer trust her with my feelings, hopes or dreams. I pray her heart brings change and that God will someday win out in th

With repect to those profiles, I looked at them just to learn a bit more about some of my forum friends & they look great.. good job PIWs I am sure that God has just the kiddo(s) for you. keep the faith!

I wish all of us out there who are searching find our answers soon. Lord knows we are deserving, but sometimes he wants us to grow in the journey. wishing us all great knowledge on a short timetable!

This article makes me think of a book we discussed many moons ago here on the forum. Jaqueline Mitchard's Theory of Relativity is a wonderful exploration of this topic. I thuroughly enjoyed it. And after all (if I remember right) she is an Abrazo alum like us. Yet another benefit!

Elizabeth, Thanks for that list. I plan to print it and send it to my mom, maybe it will help her see that how she handles things with me is not good. In every "bad example" I see her actions over the past 30 years. I love her, but do not respect her for any of her opinions. After all, how can I respect someone who does not respect me, my child, my decision, or even the reasons for my choices. Maybe this will help others who are going through this with anyone, in a rough patch or needing to make a decision, have a few suggesstions and setting up the right/positive ressponses that will lead t

I will be buying that book as well as suggesting it to a few friends who have placed. Then maybe I'll pass it on to my mom, who STILL, 8yrs later, belives her grief & sorrow is more important. Maybe whe'll learn something.