In a culture that overwhelming favors baby adoption, why adopt an older child? (Glad you asked. Pull up a chair and let’s discuss.) Adopting an older child or sibling group can truly be a gamechanger.
Adoption isn’t just for babies
In the prior century, before formula had been developed, adoption was primarily done through orphanages and foundling homes, for children who had lost their parents to illness or who were abandoned by families unable to provide for them. The orphan trains transported older children from the East Coast through the US for distribution to largely rural families in need of domestic or farm help. It was not feasible for infants to be adopted because of their limited usefulness, because of their mortality rates, and because of social biases about eugenics.
The truth, though, is that there are far more people in America wanting to adopt infants than there are babies needing to be adopted. There is little stigma for “unwed parents” anymore, and with the abortion bans across this country, there is more free aid (diapers, formula, and other support) for low-income families. in Texas, however, that assistance (like ECI) runs out when children turn three.
There is a growing number of older children nationwide in need of loving adoptive homes. (And “older,” in this context, can mean anything from toddlers and preschoolers to school-aged children.) These adoptions are often through the State, meaning most costs get subsidized by American taxpayers via programs like http://heartgalleryofamerica.org. But some dedicated private adoption agencies like Abrazo also devote their efforts to the placement of older children, and have done so for years.
Why adopt an older child privately?
The children and youth placed for adoption through the State have typically been surrendered involuntarily. This means they usually have been held in State foster care for months or years before being “freed for adoption” against the will of their biological relatives. Many have been subjected to proven abuse or neglect prior to or after state seizure, and their access to their families of origin was severed abruptly. A fair number of kids in state care are classified as having “special needs” or being medically-fragile, meaning their placement may entail ongoing state subsidies to help with the costs of their ongoing care. (Children adopted via the State may also be eligible for lifelong Medicaid coverage and or paid tuition to attend state schools. Those interested in adopting from the State can use a seasoned professional like Connie Going to help them navigate that system.)
In the private agency adoption system in Texas, biological families have the option of voluntarily placing beloved children for open adoption through an agency like Abrazo, thereby avoiding the possible trauma of state-managed child welfare proceedings and lengthy foster care stays. Such placements do charge adopting parents private agency fees, basic case expenses and legal fees and court costs. However, these also can be compassionate open adoptions, a benefit that state adoptions often prohibit. Abrazo’s open adoptions enable older tots and children to grow up with continued access to their birthfamily and the lifelong security of a permanent adoptive family, thus avoiding the shame of having been “taken away” by the State.
Who gives up an older child (or siblings) and why?
Nobody chooses to give a child up for adoption because it’s fun or simple. Adoption is never an easy way out. The parents and relatives who voluntarily release children for adoption at Abrazo do so because they desperately want the best for them, and cannot bear to see them go without the stability and opportunities they need in life. Sometimes the decision for adoption is precipitated by illness, poverty, addiction, incarceration, domestic violence or divorce. Other times, an aging caretaken may be unable to continue caring for their charge, or impending investigation by the State has led a family to feel voluntary placement is more optimal. Whatever the reason,. Abrazo treats all its placing families with the respect they are due and enables them to partner fully with Abrazo in planning for each child’s future.
From toddlers to tweens Abrazo has dedicated itself to providing compassionate adoption services for those who need to place an older child for adoption or adopt an older child. Since first opening in 1994, Abrazo has handled adoptions for more than a hundred preschoolers, school-age children and sibling groups who w4ere loving placed by their mothers, fathers, grandparents and/or legal guardians. In the vast majority of these adoptions, the birthrelatives and adoptive parents have maintained open adoption connections, ensuring that the adoptee/s is/are able to keep in touch, truly gaining them (and all their parents) the best of both worlds.
Benefits when you adopt an older child
Those who adopt a newborn never know in advance what the potential of that infant will actually be. And babies don’t have language skills to convey feelings or express their needs, making bonding a shot in the dark. Some adults figure this gives them time for “on the job” learning, but when confronted with a wailing baby in the middle of the night and no idea what’s wrong, new parents may long for a child who comes with written instructions.
For those who adopt an older child or a sibling group, they gain the benefit of a child with communication skills, who can share thoughts and feelings and describe their needs verbally. This can enhance parent-child attachment and enable new parents to better understand where their new child is coming from. The preplacement visits scheduled between prospective parents and birthparents and child further enable the sharing of valuable childcare routines, family values and traditions. In open adoption, these visits also enable the child/ren being adopted to feel confident in the plans all their parents are making together for their future, while honoring the place of the birthfamily in the child’s life over the years past.
Those who adopt an older child have a minimum of a year to grow together as family before returning to court to finalize that adoption. While older child adoption done through private agencies may not offer the same state-funded benefits that are available in the state system, they do still qualify for the Adoption Tax Credit. Also, most agencies charge lower fees (and the adopting parents are spared any of the costly prenatal and post-partum expenses that typically drive infant adoption costs so high in the USA.) And remember: at Abrazo, the simultaneous placement of siblings incurs only one full adoption fee, since our fees are only for our actual services (and not a payment for children).
Seeking a Few Good Families
Abrazo is always seeking a few good families open to adopt an older child or sibling group. If you know of someone who is homestudy-ready (or needs a homestudy done in Texas) and who may want to adopt an older child, please welcome them to call anytime: 1-800-454-5683. When you adopt an older child at Abrazo, you change the child’s life and you also change yours– often in the very sweetest of ways.
