karen&scott

I think this is a good description of how wounded, less than complete, we come to the adoption process, when the reality of infertility has left us doubting everything in our lives. Thank you Lori (and L.). Karen

The photo says it ALL!!!! Congratulations to the newest family, made possible by their strength and faith and a birthcouple's desire to want "all that's good in the world" for their baby son. Karen

Rebecca, I lit a candle in honor of your good news and your good health! Karen

Sounds like a wonderful way to remember the importance of this day. I like hearing what other families do. Karen

I was not comfortable with the term "gotcha day", which I guess is why we have never used it. I have friends who celebrate this day every year with their children. I kinda wondered what was wrong with me, that I did not "get it". I feel better knowing others would rather drop the catch phase altogether (too). I also admit we have never celebrated our children's finalization day or adoption day either, except on that actual day so many years ago. I can't remember which month or day it was, now. To me, it feels like we would be celebrating (or emphasizing) the wrong day with our children. Their Birthday is our big celebration, even though I was not there. God was. So what about placement day? A day filled with lots of emotion, loss and joy. I can't call it a celebration, more like a Blessing from God. So I will continue to quietly say a special prayer in honor of our children's birthparents on that second and third day after their birthdays. Karen

May Peace be with you today, Elizabeth and Paul. May Peace be with you today, Jon and Julie. Karen

I feel sad today...learning about the passing of two wonderful people from our Abrazo family. My prayers go out to their families...during this time of immense grieving. A special prayer is being lifted for the grandchildren of Grandpa Vanderwerf, who surely know how much they are loved by him, from Heaven above. A special prayer is being lifted for twin babies, placed lovingly by their first Momma Tracy, who will surely know how much they are loved by her, from Heaven above. Hugs to you all, Karen

A special prayer today... for Elizabeth and her Daddy.

Kristal, your post is so sweet. I know deep inside all the things you say...but even knowing that doesn't insulate me from hurt. Thanks to you and Jada for caring enough to respond to my post(s). I needed that. Karen

Your right Jada, my post sounded strange to me too. Why can't I say to my co-worker, "she is fine, thanks for asking". Sorry about the way my post hit you, I certainly was not trying to say those feelings are not felt by first Moms too, because I know first hand they surely are. It's just that, there are times I am boldly reminded I am not my child's birthmother (as there is only one) and it hurts. Thanks Jada for letting me clarify a bit. Karen

All of us here understand the language part so well and the associated sensitivities. I have a co worker... when I say we drove up to see Kathy this weekend... says "Oh, how is Amanda's Mom?" I am sensitive to it everytime, I just want to say, I am fine thank you for asking. (I know that's immature). Yet, I have no problem acknowledging Kathy as Amanda's first Mom or as her other Mom, but people talk in terms of there can only be one Mother. I just want to say "so who am I?" I am the one nurturing my daughter's relationship with her first Mom. I am the one worrying every minute about my daughter. I am the one with my heart so full of love for my children. I am the one who wants everyone to understand how much we love our children's birthfamily, not to be confused with replacing them or being a stand-in parent. Karen

Oh this is heartbreaking, I hope someone in our family knows someone who will be the perfect family for these children. I wonder if Abrazo will hear about more of these life situations, with the fall out from the hurricane, the rising unemployment rate, and the rising costs of groceries and health care. I hope whomever finds themselves in need of help, will find what and who they are looking for, and remain faithful in God's love. Karen

Kristal, thank you for adding so much valuable insight here. I just wanted to add that we were not matched very long with either of our children's birthparents, however both placements had all the right feelings. We did not know each other well, but just enough. We felt like we had known each other forever. There is this indescribable thing that happens when emotion and need blur together and God helps put us all together. Also, I do not think an expectant Mom should feel the need to convince anyone about her choices, to place and/or with whom. Karen

Dear Michelle, I am lighting a candle in honor of your Uncle Arnie. Karen

I feel sad for this caller, she is clueless about what adoption really means. My daughter would tell this person that adoption means love. The caller is only thinking of herself right now, which we all know changes within moments of meeting your baby, the "Blessing" chosen for you by his/her first parents. Placing and Adopting is such a miracle in itself, one you treasure for the rest of your life. Why mess it up with controls and stipulations, not to mention unrealistic expectations? It's inconceivable to ask first parents to wait on placing their newborn, because the adopting family does not want any maternity bills. And how can any family have a baby without these expenses? Talk about babies dropping out of the sky, let's be real. There are times like this, I wish there could be a reality check for these callers. How I wish they could know the wonderful Moms (and Dads) who do the best they can as they place their baby, making life changing decisions for themselves and for their newly created family, with so little support and yet somewhere find the biggest amount of Faith... and Love. Karen

There are lots of reasons to light a candle today. TGIF!

I like this too. Karen

Hi Traci, you could just say... the reality is children who were once adopted have two sets of real parents, how wonderful that she is able to know both, now. Susan's response is so nice, not sure I could keep the conversation going that long. Karen

Kristal, your feelings and words are awesome! How wonderful for you and Colby! Karen

Kristal, thank you for posting your thoughts regarding your child's birthfather. I know it was hard then... and still now. We, as parents, also struggle with great things to say about our child's birthfather, when we have so little to draw from...due to the placement experience in regards to him not being there and/or not involved in his child's adoption plan. Either way we have limited information. Both of our daughter's birthparents were/are not still "together", as a matter of fact, their birthfathers were "out of the relationship", so to speak, before they were born. But even so, as parents we must try to always keep the connection open, if it's possible, for our child. I know some of us worry about how our child's Birthmother will react knowing that some day, our child may want to contact him, meet him, spend time with him, and so forth. Do you have any helpful wisdom you would like to share? And have your thoughts changed over time? Karen

Lighting one for Jessica, in recognition of her first post! And Lauren, in recognition of her third post! Welcome to the forum ladies. Karen

Dan, I love what you say here. Karen

Hi Natalie, I love your reply!!! So many of us have many years behind us now... since orientation(s). You do seem to forget all the emotions and thoughts that we ALL had to work through to get us where we are today. Thanks for reminding me of mine. I can remember leaving orientation so excited about "who" our Birthmom would be...and she became very real to me before we even knew each other. I was so open to knowing her and helping her through, not sure how at that point, but open nonetheless. I can remember thinking I wanted to embrace her the same way I would want to be embraced, if we switched places. Thanks Natalie! Karen

Welcome to Abrazo Pam (and husband)! I wish you all the best as you finish your infertility journey and prepare your broken hearts (and body) for an adoption journey, if that is how you choose to proceed in growing your family. It's important for you both to feel as whole as possible before adopting and before entering into relationship with an expectant Mom, so she never has to worry if her choice is the right one. Your child's future depends on you being "who" you say you are and knowing "why" you have come to adoption. All of this takes time, sometimes lots of time. Adoption is a new personal journey unlike no other, beginning with a special Blessing that's truly mean't to be yours. Again welcome! Karen