One of the things I have been sorting through since the beginning of our adoption journey and now moving into our second journey are expectations. Not only do the expectations of others affect me, my own expectations run in and out of my mind and heart.
By no means would I feel sorry for myself or think that my issues are greater than any of the issues others face, but I wonder how other adoptive parent's feel about expectations.
Since the beginning of our journey, I just kinda let things fall where they may, but it seems as you become more experienced in any subject matter you become more empowered. I am one who totally respects what others feel or want for their own life, but sometimes the "expectations" of others placed on me and what I want, does bother me. I sometimes wonder if I am somehow being questioned wether it be me as a Mom, wife, employee, daughter or "adoptive parent". I try my best not to worry what others think when I know in my heart I/we do things for the right reason and our heart is in the right place.
I guess one of the things that at times gets me thinking is the expectations on adoptive parents. It seems we are expected to be perfect. I KNOW I'm not perfect that's for sure and I can NEVER live up to that expectation. I totally respect all Birthparent's and have no idea what it would be like to be in their shoes, but my question is why is the loss of a child in placement viewed as bigger or more of a loss than what an adoptive parent goes through with miscarriages, maybe a loss of a child at an early age ect. That's just the feeling I get. I could be wrong and I really truly want someone to tell me I'm wrong. In many ways, my question is innocently asked because I don't want to steal a loss from anyone, but sometimes I just think about it. I started to think about it when the question of infertility treatments came up post adoption. I can't say I would never do it, but my hope is that if someone, be it me chose that for their family then that would be their choice and respected. I see that some Birthparent's want to reunite with the children they placed and why is it not politically correct for adoptive parent's to seek the same, to reuinite with the loss of a biological child. I'm not an expert and I would hope that couple would think long and hard about treatments after adoption taking their child into consideration, but still have that choice without all those expectations placed on them.
Maybe, this is something one of the Abrazo Chicks can touch on or maybe Elizabeth. I'd like to hear it from the professionals.
I'm confident in our choices as a family and I seek advice from the professionals, but I truly would like to know IF the losses of a Birthparent in the adoption world are clearly seen as more than what many adoptive parents have had to face.
For me, my issues are nothing. There is and will always be someone in more need than I, I know that, but I still would like to hear from others.