Steven&Melissa

Do againers need to have three new references submitted or will the ones on file do? I don't mind hitting people up again... but won't if I don't need to!

Just a weekend in Suite 540 with some chicks and a blue cooler. Yes! I know it's a short trip for us, but we are definitely going to reach out to meet up with our SA friends while we're in town! I'd love to meet you! TX has an amazing group of families. Mandi, I hope you succeed at pulling everybody together! You've also got Austin folks not too far away!

Nobody said this was a hint or foreshadowing or anything else... I'm just wondering. Rounds 2 and 3 are fairly common. Has there been a Round 4 in Abrazo's history?

Ooooh, I hope you guys will get a reunion together. We'll be in San Antonio in December and would LOVE to meet up with the San Antonio crew (even if it's just a few for a quick lunch!) We are very blessed in Memphis to have a group of folks who make a point of getting together. It's been struggling a little lately, but we have a new resurgence with two new PIW Memphis couples! Wish the San Antonio crew could gain some strength in numbers!

Kelli - I'd be really interested in hearing if your mom has experienced a range of emotions about her own adoption after seeing the benefits of open adoption blossom with Yorick and his birth family. We were the same way... I don't think I really understood what open adoption was until we found Abrazo.

Has there ever been a round 4? Not necessarily 4 children placed with one family through Abrazo, but four separate "rounds"?

We're about to find this out. When we moved, we crossed over state lines. Our old social worker only does TN, but is not licensed in MS. She emailed me a referral last week and I emailed the new person today to see what needs to be done. Our old social worker said she'd gladly send our home study over to this new social worker/counselor. We're just waiting to see how costly this might be, whether or not a basic update will do, or whether we have to go through a new process because we're in MS now.

Love this post. Thanks for your insight and for being so honest, Ellen. You really do have a great way with words. I love how you describe it by saying that "life starts being more colorful again."

Really happy for you, Andrew and Sara! You have some great mentors here on the forum who've adopted two really close together.

Melissa - different states have different rules to go by. I would definitely talk to a social worker in your home state to see what their rules are. We had assumed that ND's rules were the same as TX and it would just be a quick visit...fast forward 4 months and our update was finally done. Now, granted, the majority of that time was due to our social worker taking 2-3 months to write it up. But, my point is that some states require more of an update. We had to basically do a new homestudy...lots more paperwork, more fingerprinting, more fire safety classes, etc. For us, if we adopt a third time we're either going with a different agency or starting 4 months before the orientation we're hoping to attend!! Good luck and I'm glad to see you talking about updates Thanks for the info, Lynn! Just wondering what we might be up against down the road.

I know an update is only needed just before placement for againers, but what about if you have moved since your last placement? We not only moved homes, but crossed state lines. Does this mean we'd need to start from scratch when the time comes? I know we can't have an original home study done twice... but just wondering if the same old rules apply if big life changes have occurred.

LOL... I was wondering the saaaaame thing... news, Sara?? That most recent hint has us all on edge!

My guess from early forum digging is the couple who adopted Imelda's two cuties... if you check back many pages in the Nursery Notes thread, you'll see that just a few months (3 or 4?) after they got home with their infant (Ella) they were back in TX adopting siblings (Annabell and James). Pages 5 and 6 of the gallery (August and November, 2007).

Some great testimonials on this thread! Bumping it up for others to read.

I'm sorry you feel that way, Ellen... I know nobody can tell you to feel differently, but you aren't seen that way in our eyes, no matter how you feel. xo

Beautiful post, Amy. Something tells me you'll feel that spark... the tug at your heart strings... and something will just set the gears into motion in your journey to Charlie's sibling. It's pretty awesome thinking that you have an extra angel up there now... one who is especially invested in creating miracles for your family. Congratulations on your new nephew! What an amazing gift of joy during a time of sorrow. When the time comes, and a birth mother has the opportunity to consider you, Craig and Charlie as a possible family for her baby, she's going to find a wonderful friend in you. Just keep listening and pausing to feel the tug. Big, huge hugs to you.

Posts like these always make me get butterflies. Wondering whose families these little miracles will soon become a part of. Prayers for everyone who might be considering adding to their families, and especially for the expectant mothers who deserve options and choices.

I can't imagine being in a position where I needed to choose a family... put all my faith in this family... to raise my child, never knowing if the things they told me about themselves (their family history, their medical history, their aptitude to be parents, etc) was true. The leap of faith that takes far surpasses any leap of faith I think APs have to make. Sure, we go through home studies and all of that... but how do they know if the promises we make are true? They have to put their faith in us. We're taking on a lifelong responsibility to raise a child, so of course we hope for a healthy child if it's possible. That BP certainly hopes their child is healthy, too... that's just love. But they put their faith in us that we won't betray them, won't raise their child in secrecy, won't shut them out... there are certain things they can choose on the front end, but the blind faith it takes to hand complete control over to someone else and just believe in them has to be so tough. That's just personally how I feel as an AP. It's impossible for us to write down what we want on a piece of paper and then cast the bottle out into the sea and wait for that "perfect" situation to float back to us. We all daydream... we fantasize about what our child might be like or look like... we lose our train of thought in the middle of the day thinking about how "ideal" we hope our open adoption situation is. But the truth is... when APs get that phone call... hopefully, when they hear that a child needs them, they forget "perfect." Hopefully the APs talk about the things that are REALLY important to them... what they can handle vs. what they've dreamed about... and then they take a humongous leap of faith. Our leaps of faith are different, and while we can all pick and choose certain things, the real decision lies with the birthparent who has to ultimately decide if the APs she chose for her child are the people she really wants to raise her child. She puts faith in us that we'll do a good job and that we'll have that door propped open forever so that even if contact is too hard right now, or her life isn't condusive to contact right now, she can watch her child grow up when it's possible. For PIWs, I think the daydreaming makes us feel more committed and more linked to open adoption promises. We start broadening our minds, thinking, "oh, if my relationship could be like theirs, I could do this." At least that opens up our minds to think and reconsider what once might have sounded scary. Then, hopefully, the more we all realize that EVERY situation is different, the more we begin to trust in ourselves that we can do this... no matter what hardship may arise. If I learned nothing else at all from this experience, it's that when your baby is placed in your arms, the challenges are somehow pushed far into the background. When you're witnessing a woman's pain, there is no "ideal." In open relationships, when times get tough (because undoubtedly, times will get tough somehow, some way along the road) there is this child in your life calling you "mommy" who counts on you... and somehow, it gives you the strength to "do right" by that child in any way you can, if openness truly matters to you. Elizabeth has written many times that in an "ideal" world, adoption wouldn't exist at all. We'd be fertile and able to have biological children. Birth parents wouldn't be plagued with hardships that make placement plans their best options. Children would grow up with their biological families and wouldn't experience loss. But "it is what it is" and so we all do the best with what God has planned for us... because birth or adoptive parent... it's my opinion because of my faith that we can plan and plan and plan... but when God has something in store for us, if we listen carefully with open hearts, we'll all get exactly what we need. The subject of this thread is "Selecting the Right Family for YOUR BABY" and I think that puts things in the right perspective. Selecting the right adoptive parents is a gift that birth parents get to give their children. It's so easy to forget (I oftentimes do) that adoption isn't about what I get out of this relationship... it's about Ollie's birthmama choosing people she felt would raise her son in a way she could be proud of. It's about me living up to those promises and providing Oliver with the best life possible... one that affords him the ability to stay strongly connected to the family who made his life possible.

Grace - there's another topic on the forum about this that you might enjoy reading called Re-evaluating Your Requirements that talks a lot more about just the things you mentioned!

Not sure what post it is, Jocelyn, but here's the breakdown: 10 posts - 1 pepper 25 posts - 2 peppers 100 posts - 3 peppers 250 posts - 4 peppers 500 posts - 5 peppers 1,000 posts or more - 6 peppers And 1,500 meaningful posts (along with some other things!) to become a member of Abrazo's Elite!

It means you keep paying it forward!! I have loved having you on the forum more frequently lately and am always feeling wiser because of what I learn from you. Congrats on the chili pepper!!

Happy Grandparents' Day, Mari!!!

Mary - I love what you wrote. I can imagine feeling the same way if I was in the birth parents' shoes. I have written elsewhere on the forum recently that, since placement, I find that we gravitate toward friendships and family relationships that are especially supportive of Oliver and his open adoption. Steven's family has always been so verbally supportive of Oliver's placement and inclusion in our family, but I'd never seen them in person with him. His sister cried twice today, just holding tight to him, saying how thankful she was for him and repeating how blessed we all are to have him. The way Steven's family has embraced Oliver, and has been SO supportive of us persuing open adoption, has made me love them so much more. It makes me want to make the extra effort to go up to NY more often. I was texting with Ollie's birthmom today and saying that I hope no kid can be spoiled by love because it honestly feels like it's overflowing here. I could sense the peace she had in her return texts after hearing how unbelievably loved her son is by everybody in his life!

So, did this ever end up happening? If not, was there a reason that surfaced during the planning? I think this would be so fun.

Oliver has begun praying this week. We've done it together many times... I ask him to do "prayer hands" and we say "Dear God" together before I name family members he knows and then we say "Amen" together. He was playing with his toys in the corner the other day and I heard him say "Dear God...mumblemumblemumble... Boo Boo kitty. Amen." Steven found the most raggedy, sad, wounded 6-week-old kitten last weekend and brought him home. After a trip to the vet, the kitten took up residence in an out-of-the-way shower stall in our house. Ollie stands outside the shower door and talks to what he's started calling "boo boo kitty" every day and we say "Get better soon, kitty!" He took that to prayer the other day and appealed to God for a quick fix for our buddy Boo Boo Kitty. So sweet. His B has also been battling the flu this past week or so, and we've been putting our prayer hands together for her every morning and every night. He's started giving what looks like a fist pump when he says "Amen!"