Adam & Beth

Thanks for all that you do for us PIW's Mona. We really appreciate it. -A

It's always good to get different perspectives. Thanks for sharing. Every experience with a child is a blessing.

Just lifting a praise as I learned last night that my cousin Bob, who has spent the last 4 years in Iraq (as a Marine doing special operations tours), is FINALLY HOME (US) and can now retire from the Corps, finish school, etc. He was often gone for a couple weeks at a time where he could not communicate with anyone from the field so it was very stressful for his family. Prayers for all our soldiers, May they all stay safe -A

Good post Claudia. By age 3, they have been 'molded' into a lot but are still very young and can be molded/taught into something else. In addition to being okay with having not been the one to previously teach that todler, It is a definite another dynamic to consider. Every relationship takes time to build. Some relationships start later than others.

Sorry Gang, long post.... This post is just my observation. I believe these toddler children are deserving of loving parents and a good home and I truly hope they find one soon. In filling out our applications for Abrazo, there were areas regarding race, gender, age, and ethnicity of the children. Hopefully we all gave the time and consideration to each area and made the decision we were most comfortable with for ourselves. Adopting todlers in comparison to adopting infants adds some complexity to the situation. It may be right for some and not for others. No judging here. Everyone has to decide for themselves what they want. In an adoption journey it is important to keep your mind open and yourself 'flexible' for various types of situations, but likewise it is important that you make the 'right' decision for yourself as to what will make you happy. As you may have read in some of my other posts, we have a 3yr old niece, Lily, who has lived with us for a good portion of her life. She is truly a joy (yeah, even when she "acts three" ). We have been blessed to play such an active role in her life. As with any particular age group, there are general characteristics to associate with that age such as ability to walk, talk, communicate, learning patterns, socialization traits,etc. It has been wonderful seeing her grow and learn through the years. It will be wonderful seeing her grow and learn in the years to come as well as seeing the joy she brings to her mother and family. But, something to keep in mind as a PIW is the that as a first time parent, if one was to adopt a toddler instead of an infant, is that there are things that we would miss. There is a lifetime of love and discovery still to come but nevertheless, there are somethings we would not get to experience firsthand. So, that's something to consider when making a big decision such as this. The PIW has missed the opportunity to carry a biological child. Now they must ask themselves if they are okay in missing many of the "firsts". First smile, first sleepless night, first feedings, first crawling, first walking, first talking, etc.. Relatively speaking, 3 years is such a small percentage of the child's life, but in that small time, a lot does happen. So, it can be a difficult choice for PIWs who may have already felt 'cheated' by not getting to experience some things in building their family. It can be a difficult decision, when given a choice, to decide if they wish to possibly give up even some more of those very early childhood (aka "baby") experiences. I think it has been said well here though that a toddler too can bring such joy to a family just waiting for that special someone. Looking at all the good things to come will easily outnumber the things 'missed', but it doesn't mean that you might not wish to have the opportunity to experience those with your child. So, I likewise understand why it could become harder to make the choice to adopt children as they become older. There is not a single right or wrong in this situation. As stated above, it is a personal choice and you have every right to make that choice. Just be sure you consider all angles/issues. Whatever one chooses, I just hope that God blesses you and guides you and your family throughout your life together. -A

Not really. I am older than Catherine's birthgrandmother. Should I be confused?? I have a couple of friends who were born so much later than their their older siblings that they have Nieces/Nephews that are as old & even older than they are.

I took Lily to help Beth set up for a retreat about a 2 weeks ago. On stage, she saw a cross and smiled. We asked her if she knew what it was. She said "Uh Huh, it's a cross." We said "do you know who was on the cross?" She said: "Uh Huh. Jesus!" We asked why Jesus was on the cross... "Because He LOVES us!" For a 3 1/2 year old, she's coming along just fine She's really enjoying children's choir too though we'll just say the tone & pitch still need a little work (of course coming from me, I have NO room to talk about singing abilities ) -A

It really is wonderful to see families being put together Congratulations to this and all families that have been joined through adoption. -A

GOOD FRIDAY (literally) Everyone! This thread seems too quiet. Perhpas we just don't have many Catholics on the forum or perhaps they wish to keep their religious thoughts to themselves (which of course is perfectly fine). I am Catholic though since being married, I primarily go to Methodist church with Beth. I believe the most important thing overall (for us) is to raise the child in a Christian environment and to go to church as a family. Our child will be shown the Catholic faith, but will likely grow up in the Methodist church. So, I guess he or she won't officially be "raised Catholic". I love the rich traditions of the Catholic Church and stable format of Mass. Our church family & friends though are where we have been attending church for the last 10 years (or in Beth's case, her whole life)--it's also where Beth works full time. My nephew is going through the sacrament of First Communion and Reconciliation soon. His mother is Presbyterian and that is where is primary exposure has been. It will likely be difficult for him before long to decide which path he wishes to take (confirmation through the Catholic church or to become a member of the Presbyterian church). I can tell you that my Priest back home, Father Tommy, is pulling and praying for us in our Adoption pursuit. Wishing Everyone a Very Happy Easter! -A

Good Thread to start Sandi Beth is a full time youth worker at our church (Christian denomination). At this past Sunday's youth time, She (and I) performed a mock Seder with the kids to educate and celebrate Passover. It was mock only in the fact that we had some of the basics but did not have all the courses that would be involved with a normal seder. The kids really seemed to enjoy it. -A

Congratulations Denny & Cameo! I know you shared some names a while back, but can't wait for the official Birth Announcement sharing his new name. We are very happy for you

That is wonderful news Lisa. My mother hit her 5 year survivor mark late last year. She still can't get good insurance which is scary, but she is healthy which is a blessing . Beth's aunt is 15+ years and counting

I thought it felt a bit drafty in here today Yeah, I debated whether or not to even post that one as I figured it might prompt a response coming from 'Adam' It was pretty funny though so I didn't want to pass it up. Moderator, please feel free to move this thread into the other -A

Why We Love Children! NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Thought it would be nice to have a place to share jokes that we might hear or receive. I know I love a good laugh. Remember, this is all in good fun PS) I wasn't sure if there was already a Jokes thread. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. WIFE VS. HUSBAND (I loved this one) A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" Guilty as charged CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .... "HEBREWS" Thank goodness I don't drink coffee. The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." I received some of these today from my mother and got a kick out of them. Hope at least one made you laugh too. Have a great day! -A

May peace come to that beautiful birth mother. Congratulations to the newest member of the Fishes family

You really just never know. From what I've seen, the 'average' wait for an orientation seems to be about 2-3 months. Ours was one of the really quick ones. The November Orientation did not develop (not enough confirmed candidates) so we were shocked when we sent our application in early November and were told we had a spot available in a December Orientation (3 weeks away). It was crazy (for us). We thought it would be February-March before we were invited. I haven't heard of anyone waiting 6 months, but I guess it is possible. Best wishes to you, Adam

My father was killed in a cycling accident (he was an avid bicycler) a little over three years ago when a car came over a hill and did not see him or the cyclist he was riding with. Fortunately the other cyclist was okay but did have the traumatic experience of watching her friend die. We continue to pray for her as we know the experience has hurt her badly. I could write TONS of stuff about how great my dad was to me, my brothers, mom, etc. but as far as helping keep his memory alive for not only us, but all his grandchildren as well, here are a couple of things that we have going on: One of my father's hobbies led him to work on a big project in South Mississippi with the Rails-To-Trails Conservancy which is a national non-profit organization (RAILS TO TRAILS) that turns abandoned railways into paved bicycle and walking paths and runs around if not even through multiple cities . The LONG LEAF TRACE or LONG LEAF TRACE (OFFICIAL WEBSITE) is one of the longest Rails to Trails projects and the State of MS Dept. of Parks & Recreation have donated over $75,000 to build a pavillion in his honor on the trail (near one of the trail entrances) at the University of Southern Mississippi. It is in my Hometown and where my Mom lives so the kids will get to see it later this year when it is completed. So there will be something tangible that we can show them regarding his love of the outdoors and of cycling. He was also very active in Scouting (Boy Scouts of America) and the local council there (Pine Burr Area) has set up an annual skeet and sporting clay competition to raise money for the Scouting program. Within our family we perpetuate our traditions of camping, hiking, canoeing, kayaking, etc. as they were all things that my father enjoyed and taught us to appreciate as well. In my own home, I attribute all of my woodworking skills to my father and know that he would be proud of the things I have built. I already know he would be proud of all I have accomplished in my blessed personal life. Dad too was an avid photographer which is something I have recently gotten interested in. I aspire to have his talent in that area some day. Overall, we just remember dad as being a loving, caring family man. I miss you Dad and love you. -Adam

Nothing New in the Gallery under NEW ARRIVALS yet, so we'll be watching closely.

Well, We're not from Idaho, we did attend Orientation, and we are not headed to Camp Abrazo.. All that factored with the fact that we haven't yet matched says "IT'S NOT US" Congrats to whoever's family just grew in size today

Agreed regarding daycare. Yes, things are a bit different between the streets. I think the IT group over there has a bit more flexible scheduling as I know my buddy in IT over there works 7:30 -4:30. Wish I could do that. My former employer let me work 7-4 which was great. We just got MLK as a holiday last year. But, the hospital took away our day after Thanksgiving holiday. So, it was a swap. A lot of people are unhappy about it. Not upset at all regarding MLK, but very unhappy that they now have to burn a personal holiday or vacation day to get the day after thanksgiving off which they had off for years. Yeah, well. We supposedly don't have "flex" time anywhere in our organization, but that's a bunch of bull. I was thinking that you lost the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I wasn't for sure. It is funny, too, because we don't have the same insurance group. Dale's doctor isn't one of the providers for your plan, but he is for ours. When we first changed to my plan from his, the dr office kept telling us they weren't in the plan because all they saw on my card was the hospital name. HELLO! Ours was on there first. Anyway, I wasn't able to take any sick time during my "maternity leave." I didn't give birth, so I had no note from my doctor saying I wasn't able to work. Yep, while the two places are codependent upon one another for survival, they are definitely two different entities. I think my friend across the street said he starts with 2 weeks of vacation and gets a third after 3 (or was it 5 years) then he gets 4 weeks of vacation in year 5 or 7 (can't remember). I started at the hospital with 3 weeks and don't quailify for 4 weeks vacation until 10 years of service (yikes!). There are perks to either place. I know overall I am very happy with the healthcare program.

Agreed regarding daycare. Yes, things are a bit different between the streets. I think the IT group over there has a bit more flexible scheduling as I know my buddy in IT over there works 7:30 -4:30. Wish I could do that. My former employer let me work 7-4 which was great. We just got MLK as a holiday last year. But, the hospital took away our day after Thanksgiving holiday. So, it was a swap. A lot of people are unhappy about it. Not upset at all regarding MLK, but very unhappy that they now have to burn a personal holiday or vacation day to get the day after thanksgiving off which they had off for years.

Well, before deciding to adopt we researched my husband's bank (he works for a bank) and found out they cover up to 10,000 for adoption. We were shocked! BUT, since we haven't adopted yet, and haven't seen for sure if this is REALLY true. I am still a little in doubt. Very-what's that catch, you know? Jen, WOW! Two things : 1) That is awesome the employer will pay that. I have heard of employers paying thousands towards adoption, but that is I think the highest. I've heard stories of $5K and $8K 2) Where do I apply for a job there (Just kidding). I wish my employer (a Children's Hospital) would contribute towards adoption expenses. They are great at savings children's lives but unfortunately they don't bend over backwards to help their employees have children (no fertility coverage nor adoption allowance) That would be SOOOOOOO GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $10,000 would be almost the max amount of the Federal Adoption Tax Credit. Granted it doesn't pay for everything, but that kind of money sure makes a difference. -A

I'm sorry, but this information is kind of vague as to what it is and where I can find it , could you please be a bit more specific? I'm Just kidding of course. Excellent information and thanks for the citation. Thank you Susan. -A

Adam -- Let me preface my reply by stating that I am no accountant or tax specialist (just a "retired" labor-and-employment attorney), but I think I can offer some guidance. I do not believe you will be able to claim the birthmother's medical expenses on your tax return (i.e., the labor & delivery charges, etc.). Although you assume responsibility for the birthmother's (and baby's) medical expenses through Abrazo, the birthmother most likely does not meet the IRS' definition of a dependent since she doesn't live with you and hasn't been your financial responsibility for an appropriate amount of time under their guidelines. Again, though, these are just my thoughts ... I'd definitely check with your accountant to be sure. Thanks. First, I understand the disclaimer perfectly (and the need for them -- I would do the same thing). I agree 100%. I am certain you could not deduct the birthmothers medical bills as she is not a dependent. Those fees would be applicable towards adoption expenses that you could file for the adoption tax credit, but the agency fees alone take care of most of that credit amount. I was mentioning that not only would the baby's expenses be applicable towards the adoption tax credit, but since the baby will be a dependent upon placement, I would think those fees would also be applicable towards your medical expenses that can be claimed should you meet the expense vs AGI requirement. -A I see and that makes sense. So, no "double dipping" there regarding medical vs adoption tax credit. I wasn't thinking it all the way through. I was using the mindset of insurance coverage and retroactive coverage versus when the government determines the baby is your 'dependent'.