mquelish

Welcome and congrats Kristin, Steve and Piper! Sounds like Max Noah has an awesome home in Utah to look forward to!

Welcome Kristin! Not that I'm an old timer here yet...

I realize this thread has been inactive for awhile, but it really struck a nerve with me and I needed to comment. Matt and I have been on the active list (for the past year) of the agency that we adopted our son Talmage through. We do not understand all the circumstances surrounding the situation, but we were just shocked when we heard that a matched couple (from our same agency) had changed their mind after the infant had been born quite premature. The extent of this baby's medical issues would not be fully realized for some time. Maybe the birthmother had looked at our profile and decided we were not the couple to adopt her baby. Maybe this chosen couple was in a financial situation where they did not feel they could comfortably support this child. Maybe, maybe, maybe... We do know that the the trust the birthmother had placed in others was broken. We do know that she struggled as she tried to choose another family. We do know that eventually, this little baby was placed in a loving home, in another state, a few months later. We do know that the birthmother stayed at her baby's bedside in the NICU throughout that period of the unknown. We know that she loved this baby with all her heart. Where does an adoptive couple draw the line for what they will or will not be willing to accept in an infant? There are some factors that we would have control over if we were to have our own biological child, but for the most part, we really don't have much say in the final outcome. How is this different than agreeing (pre-delivery) to adopt a child that ends up being born with an unanticipated impairment, illness, or other affliction? It isn't. That child is still the child we have agreed to love, to hold in our arms, to cherish, to smother with kisses and hugs, regardless of how he/she came into our lives. Would my ability to "handle it" be any different if I had given birth vs. adopting such a child? I don't think so. Why would it be any different being the adoptive mother? My heart would ache as a mother, regardless of being the "birth" or "adoptive" mother. Just as I love our little Talmage no differently than I love his brothers that I gave birth to.

The adoption of our youngest son is also wide open. His birthmother actually works for us! We are constantly learning new tricks, however, with this whole adoption thing. Just when you think you've got it all figured out... It's wonderful to have a place to come and share experiences with others.

Congrats! I called before you did and ours was in review at that time, so I don't know what the answer is yet. We are really hoping we "passed the test"!

I already did! I think we sent ours in about the same time.

Ditto on the thanks. Always nice to learn more about others beliefs.

Heather beat me to it. I pretty much second what she has said. We believe those who are baptized posthumously have the choice of accepting that baptism or not. If they do not accept it, then so be it. But we feel that everyone should at least be given the opportunity to accept/decline it. Our youngest was sealed to us after his adoption was finalized. I do not know or understand all that will/does occur in the hereafter, but I do know that Danielle (and "K" and their respective families) was/is/will very much be a part of our family. Our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children, and I have no doubt that He knows how it will all work out, even if I/we don't. I don't mind the questions either. And if anyone would like to research more about the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, they can link to LDS.org

No problem. I'll come back in a bit and comment when I have more time. I have to run to an appt. in just a few minutes.

Karen, thanks for the reassurance. I think I will be able to sleep better tonight. We are leaving (just the two of us!) for Hawaii on the 15th, so I hope we will have some news before then, but that's just over two weeks from sending it in. Who knows? This might be our only romantic trip we get for awhile...I can live with that.

New here, but we'll pray that you may find some comfort at this time. We're so sorry.

Okay, I am officially panicking. I was up late last night, slept lousy, and woke up around 5am. Why? Because I don't think that we filled out the inquiry app in a way that really expresses our adoption preferences. Like in special needs and other circumstances. Matt and I had a long talk last night about our feelings, concerns, hopes, etc. If anyone out there is listening, we are more open than what we did/didn't fill out! Abrazo chicks-call/PM/whatever if you have any questions, please! Thanks! Melinda and Matt

Thanks everyone. I think my mind has been flooded with memories and emotions more so than usual as we gear up to start another adoption journey. I remember thinking, wondering, and being a bit worried how I would ever be able to have the capacity to love another child as much as I did our first. But that quickly dissipated the moment our second was born. Then, I will admit, there was a worry that I would bond as quickly to Talmage as I had the other two. That thought was blown out of the water the moment I held him. I don't have those concerns now. Now the concern is "Will I have that opportunity again?" I/we don't know. I guess we need to remember as Garden of Hope said: "Each story has God's signature on it and each moves at the rate of perfection." Suzi, as always, thanks for the continued insight with your experiences with your original agency. Thanks everyone! Melinda

You'd think we would have realized by now that by having children in the home, it might take longer. And yet, even with two children already in our home, we didn't experience that with Talmage's adoption. May I share? My husband is a general dentist, but has chosen to to treat only children and the developmentally disabled (regardless of age). Occasionally, he takes call for the oral surgeon in town. Well (disclaimer here: I have permission to share that she was a patient), a girl came to our office over the weekend for pain resulting from dental surgery earlier in the week. She was 15 and her mom brought her in. The older two boys and I were in the car with Matt since we had been running errands, so we went to the office as well. Matt took care of her, and off we went. Fast forward about a year. We had been discussing adoption off and on for about 6 months. May came. We felt a "push" to start the paperwork process. We ignored it. Two weeks passed. It became a constant feeling that wouldn't leave. So we decided we had better get it done. Oh yeah--at this time, we were getting a well drilled on our property in anticipation of fully breaking ground to build our house. And I was the general contractor. End of June, we're told over the phone we've been approved. We get the written letter the first week of July. Our online profile is put together. And we wait. August progresses. We know that there are a few BF's who are making initial contact with the agency, but have not really gone any further. A week later, I call and a girl has come in, but has not initiated any further contact with them. They are trying to reach her to see how she is doing. They say her name is Danielle and give a quick description of her. I drive to the clinic to tell Matt what I've just been told. When he hears her name, he just gives me this startled look and says, "I think it's the girl that I treated last year. Remember? Her mom brought her?" Whoa. Where did that come from? But somehow, I knew he was right. Danielle had looked through all the profiles online, but hadn't really decided anything. Her mom encouraged her to look again one night, even though she didn't feel like it. Our web profile had been signed on by the agency that morning. So when Danielle looked again, we popped up. She tells us that she looked at her mom and said, "That's the family". She immediately knew who we were when she saw our photo. We got a call to meet each other. We did so the next day. It was now September. We stayed in contact. Danielle told us that she would like us to be her adoptive family. Talmage McKay was born November 9, 2006 and came to our home on the 11th. We have the most amazing relationship with Danielle! She actually works for us now! We maintain contact with Talmage's birth grandparents, and continue to build relationships with them as well. His BF came to his 1st birthday, but has found it too hard to see Talmage in person since. We still maintain contact with the BF by sending pictures via his parents, and he has expressed thanks for us doing so. So it was a unique situation. We didn't end up going through a longer wait (At least once we did the paperwork, and been approved, anyways. Like most AP's here, there is more to our journey-to-adoption story.) even though we had two children already in our home. I guess we're hoping for another unique situation. But we will wait. When it's right, it's right. For everyone.

Thanks Suzi! Yep, we're LDS too. Does a Denali (suburban) count as a BMW?

Is this "NEED FOR CHILDLESS COUPLES" a result of birthmother requests? Wow. I guess we're just surprised if that's the case. We just mailed our inquiry app to Abrazo this week-we have 3 boys under eight, one is adopted. Danielle (his birth mother) was really glad to find a family where he would have siblings. I guess we didn't anticipate that in the future, already being parents would become an issue for us in the adoption process. We certainly have the love, the financial security, and the desire to have another baby come into our home. Yet we also understand that the birthparents need to be at complete ease with the adoptive family they choose. Abrazo gals--if you are listening, we would still like the chance! Matt and Melinda from MT