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This was beautiful, Mari! I pray 2013 is prosperous and joyous for your family!

Mari, you're so funny! It's also funny to watch how people from up North are practically DYING in 90 degree weather hahaha.

Mari, I definitely understand! Hahaha. And no, the Princess is quite tolerant of us non-royalty .

Mari, I really hope you and Lauranda can make it on Saturday!

I can't remember if I've said congrats on your beautiful baby girl, but CONGRATULATIONS! I know you will be amazing parents!

Mari, your verses and quotes are always so relevant to what I'm saying! It's weird! You are so amazing and the Forum is so lucky yo have you!

Happy Thanksgiving Mari! I got to meet Lauranda today. She is an amazing woman and I'm sure you're so proud!

Melissa, I SO hope I get to meet you in December! The time of orientation should be right when I have almost two weeks off (paid) and I would so love to meet you and Steven!

Mari, I'm just reading this and I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. Dogs pull some unique heart strings and really do become family members. It's so hard to let go bit even harder to see them suffer. I hope y'all are doing okay.

I've been wanting to jump in and post on this for a while but I wanted to have an actual computer to do it on, not a smartphone! Voila! I acquired my desired medium so I'll put my two cents in. 1) This is why I needed to make adoption plans when I did... When I found out I was pregnant, I was 17 and a few months shy of graduating high school. My father had already told me (after I got caught sneaking out a few times) that if I got pregnant he would kick me out of the house. Well, sure enough I was late. I couldn't go to the doctor since I was only 17 and still under the Medicaid my grandma had for us. I decided to ignore it, assuming it would go away. The baby started kicking, I ignored it. I had taken 5 or 6 home pregnancy tests and I knew I was pregnant. I hid it from my family. I had already been accepted to the university I wanted to go to, and we had already paid the commitment fee. I was terrified. I knew that I wasn't ready to be a parent, emotionally or physically. I had no transportation, no money, no job, I shared my room at home with my sister, no maturity and no boyfriend. I didn't have anyone I could turn to. My best friend tried convincing me to keep the baby but I didn't listen to her because I knew what I was doing was best. Sure, I could have lived at home and had my grandma help me raise the baby while I went off to college but I didn't want that. I didn't want my baby to grow up on food stamps. moving all the time and having to have a step daddy like I did growing up. I could barely cook or get up early in the morning; how was I supposed to wake up 5 or 6 times a night to take care of a baby? I was too self-centered to be a parent and I was mature enough (ironically) to admit that. I prayed fervently about it and God let me know that what I was doing was right for the baby's sake. I wanted to graduate college. I wanted to experience life as a young adult. His father was abusive. Not to the point where I was scared for my life or bruised, but he was very controlling and put his hands on me. My daddy always taught me that if a man hit me once, that was two times too many. I wasn't going to bring a child up around that. I wanted the baby to be able to have all the things children need (and then some) that I didn't get growing up. I wanted my baby to have a better childhood than I ever did. 2) This is how I found Abrazo & why I chose this agency... I was initially matched with a couple in a semi-open adoption through a completely different agency. The semi-openness was their idea, because it was all they were comfortable with. I was "okay" with that because at the agency I was with, I was only able to see three profiles because nobody else was interested in a half Caucasian- half Hispanic baby. I started with that agency in late August and wasn't even able to see profiles for about three weeks. I was desperate, I guess you could say. I was talking to my campus minister about my situation, which she thought was absurd! She knows Elizabeth and gave me her number or email (I can't remember which). I contacted her initially to reach out to some birth mothers. The one I spoke to the most was Elicia, and she told me all about how wonderful Abrazo is and what true open adoption is! She let me know that I didn't have to settle for a semi-open adoption, that I could get the contact with my child I deserved. I talked to her for a long while and we looked at some profiles online. I found the family I loved and we spoke on the phone! The other agency wouldn't let me have phone access until we were matched and I had already met them in person. I was sold after speaking to the people who would ultimately raise my son on the phone. I was in awe of the connection we formed! I switched agencies. Although I knew what I was doing was right it was very hard for me to tell my caseworker that I was going with Abrazo. The wonderful Abrazochicks offered to do it for me, but I had grown close to this woman and wanted to tell her myself. It was very emotionally draining for me but I have not regretted it for a second. I am going to be a returning birth mother, after all. I adore Abrazo. 3) This is how my decisions have benefitted my child... There isn't one way it hasn't benefitted my son! He's so smart and thriving. He has everything I could never give him and he is the perfect little boy. His parents are wonderful. 4) This is the encouragement I'd offer others in my shoes... Wow, this is kind of a tough one. I would tell a woman in my shoes to go with her gut. If she knows it is the best choice for her child then nobody can shame her! I would tell her that it is the hardest emotional pain you will ever go through, but little by little your life starts being colorful again and you remember how to laugh. There are still going to be tender and raw moments even years later but the satisfaction of seeing what you did for your child will far outweigh any hurt or heartbreak you will endure. It is a tough time but stick with the openness or you will regret it. There is nothing better than seeing your worst fears vanish and your dreams come alive! Adoption allows you and your child the opportunity to have better lives and it will be, in a bittersweet way, one of the best decisions you will ever make for your child. It's hard to write down exactly what I would say, but I feel it would be easier to talk to one of these precious women on the phone. I'll always take a phone call, email, text or pm!

I do feel stupid and careless and slutty.

Hannah, with both of my kids I decided to place as soon as I took the test. Now, the baby I'm currently pregnant with is a different story because my boyfriend is involved and I wanted us to reach a decision we were both comfortable with. So I don't know if it makes it easier or harder. Even if you know from day 1 that you're going to place, there is no way anyone can prepare you for the intense pain that comes with placing a child for adoption. Everything felt so bleak, like I would never recover. I'm not excited to go through that again but maybe I will be more prepared. With Naomi we didn't even consider adoption or anything other than parenting.

Tina, your story made me bawl uncontrollably. It breaks my heart that some people want to poison their children with lies and nonsense. How can you speak so ill of the person who gave you life? I understand that I will never understand what it is like to need adoption to complete my family, but geez!? My heart breaks for you Laurie. If you want to talk I am here. I may be able to offer you some words of encouragement or if you just want to cry I can listen. Perhaps you could start your own blog under the section "birthparent blogs". Ypu will find nothing but lobe and support there. Pm me if you need to talk. I'm here for you.

Ah, that makes sense. Sometimes it is hard for me to see things from an potential parent's point of view. Tracy, you were not in the wrong at all! I just did not know how else to ask that! Elizabeth, you are right! As you probably know, having a lack of families is quite sad, and is what led me to Abrazo. I don't know why my first agency was going to let me settle for a "semi-open" adoption when they knew I had my heart set on open! I also don't know why so few families there were "willing" to accept my Caucasian/Hispanic baby! I am so glad Gini Norris-Lane led me to Abrazo. I am praying that Abrazo find more good and loving families to adopt these amazing children out to! As a birthmother, I am grateful that Abrazo are so picky about the potential parents you accept.

I don't get it.... How is having a lack of prospective adoptive parents a good problem? Sorry if I sound insensitive......

Hey, sorry I am a little late! My name is Ellen and I placed with Abrazo in 2008. I can see where you come from with the word "birthmother", but I personally prefer it! Weird, I know. It is just easier for me to separate myself with an almost legal monicker (is that how you spell that word?). I just feel more comfortable with it. As with you, I much prefer to be called my name! When asked what they refer to me as, my son's adoptive family replied, "We just call her Ellen", which is reassuring. It makes me feel as though they view me as a person, and not a vessel of birth or just a uterus. They love and accept me as a person, which is why our placement has worked so well! I am.glad you are so candid and open with your feelings. Sometimes, as firstmothers, it is hard to admit our fears and true feelings to ourselves. I never wanted people to think I was weak or that adoption is a bad thing, but the truth is that adoption IS hard, and comes with severe, painful and heart-wrenching emotions that no one can truly prepare you for. Cash will be three this year and I still cry about it sometimes (not regretfully. I am very glad I placed him, and chose the couple I did). How are you dping in your adoption? I would love to hear from you again. I am always here to listen! Come back and post! Ellen

All I have to say about that link, Elizabeth, is WTH? That is so unbelievably horrible and disgusting.

Speaking of Leaky, I used to go to Alto Frio camp in the summer. I'm too old now, but the two summers I went there were amazing. That river is named appropriately, let me tell ya! And I will be there tomorrow, so all you newbies be ready!

Well, I am literally days away from delivering and placing, and I could not be more satisfied with my family! My story actually involves me almost moving forward with a family I was not "110% about" as Kristal so nicely phrased it! I had to change agencies to get the family I wanted, and thank goodness I did, because I got a wonderful family! They really are perfect. We have connected, even though we were only matched a month before I was expected to deliver.Some of the questions I asked were *What are your ideas/philosophies/plans about/for discipline? *What if the baby doesn't want to play sports when he's older? *How do the two of you handle arguments and conflicts? *Why do you like open adoption? *How much t.v. do you feel is appropriate for a child? *How early would you teach him to read? *How important is college to the two of you? Will it be enforced? *Will you stay at home to take care of the baby? *Do you believe in coddling a baby, or letting them cry it out when necessary? *What time are each of you willing to set aside separately for bonding purposes? *Who will be the main disciplinarian? *How committed are you to participating in an open adoption? Those are all the ones I could think of. I'll find my list and post some of my better ones later. I knew they were the right couple from our first conversation! I knew I was uncomfortable with the family I was almost matched with at my other agency, but I couldn't figure out what was making me so uncomfortable (besides the fact that they only wanted a semi-open adoption) about them. As soon as I talked to the McD's, I felt it. I came to Abrazo seeking support, and a birth mother on here helped set up a phone conversation with Jen and me. As soon as I talked to her, we found that we have so much in common! I felt a connection, and they had the same values as I do and I was raised with. I just felt it deep inside of me that they were right! I know it sounds cheesy, but I just felt it was more than liking her as a person. The next day, Pamela came out to see me and I committed myself to Abrazo and got officially matched with Jen and Amos. I don't regret changing agencies at all. Things between my AP's and I couldn't be better, and they couldn't be more supportive. So basically, unless it feels kinda cheesy when you talk about how you felt a connection when you realized they were perfect, you may not have the right couple! I was kidding. But make sure it's right. Make sure you know deep down in your soul that they are the parents to raise the baby. If you're a Christian, make sure this is what God is telling you to do!

Now, I know I haven't placed yet, and I don't know if that makes this post somewhat invalid? But I know in my heart that I am going to place........ I have no other option, and I desire no other option. I want this baby to go to the parents I know are absolutely perfect for him. So anyway. Who is a birthmother? I only know who this birth mother is, and I don't know what kind of portrayal I can give you of birthmoms in general, but this is my particular story. I'm Ellen. I'm 18, a freshman in college, and I don't talk to the father anymore. I grew up in a 1-parent household, first with my mother and then with my dad. Then with my grandma and dad. I never considered abortion, because I don't think it's fair for us to decide when life begins and when it should be taken away. That was never an option for me. I am smart, funny, nice and friendly. I am going to be a teacher. I like green and I'm allergic to guinea pigs. I tell the most random stories and I laugh very easily. And I love this little baby more than anything I ever thought possible. I would love to be able to raise him myself, but that is just not a possibility. I mean, I'm 18 for crying out loud. I don't even know how to take care of myself. I don't have a car, I don't have a real job, I don't want to be on food stamps, I wouldn't have anywhere to live, I would never be able to give the baby everything he deserves, we would be on Medicaid, I don't think I would finish school, and I would be a single mom. There are so many things preventing me from being a mother, and God is telling me "Adoption is the only thing for you, and you know it, Ellen Marie". I am willingly giving my baby up (I feel strange calling him my baby. It just doesn't feel right). I want the best possible home for him. And I am going to give it to him. I can't raise a baby- it's just that simple. One day in the future I may be ready to, but not now. No way. I am sensitive, and I mostly try to calm myself by knowing that I am doing what is right for this here little child. He is going to be so happy in his little life time, which will, in turn, hopefully give me peace of mind that I did the right thing. Of course I haven't experienced the adoption thing, and I know it's going to hurt when I do go through it, but I'm going to try to take it head on and let myself feel everything. I can't say for sure how much it's going to hurt, but I can say for sure it's going to hurt. And I know I'm doing the right thing, so I'm willing to sacrifice my heart to make a good decision. I will post a blog later, after placement. This is just now, about 20 days away from giving birth.