HeidiK

What a gift from heaven....may this new born son bring you joy as you send your beloved father home. Prayers for all involved heidi

Adding ON to Lisa's list... How do these relate to you and your initial thoughts on open adoption or your current thoughts on open adoption? How were you able to resolve some of these "cons" for yourself and move forward with a commitment to open adoption? Are there any that you'd like to add? Potential PROS of Open Adoption for Adoptive Parents Increased sense of having the "right" to parent and increased ability for confident parenting. Potential for authentic relationship with the birth family. More understanding of children's history. Increased empathy for birth parents. Less fear of birth parents reclaiming child because they know the parent and their wishes. Delight of being "chosen" as a parent. Connection with biological siblings and extended members of birth family Introduction and connection to the birth culture and traditions of that heritage Potential CONS of Open Adoption for Adoptive Parents Full responsibility for setting relationship limits and boundaries. Potential pressure: accept openness or no child. Potential difficulty with emotionally disturbed birth parents. Potential for supporting both child and birth parents (emotionally) Family pressure to disconnect from birth family( openess is not a good thing), and/or ongoing education for extended family regarding value of open adoption for all involved What if an open relationship needs to be closed - effects on child, birth family, adoptive parents Abandonment issues

Pink, pink and more pink...welcome Nala! Hope your parents will find the forum. ps...where are the boys!!!!!

You have been thinking again Ms Elizabeth......... I like the way your mind works......

Heather and Shawn, I am so THERE for you guys........... Hugs Heidi

Well Hello there all my Single friends...I guess we are trend setters AGAIN Interesting reading... http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/21/weekinre...amp;partner=AOL

Welcome Welcome to Payton and Company...what a great photo! Side Note: arhhhhhhhhhhhh toooooo much pink.....Bring on the boys!

I can't help it, but I have been thinking about this topic alot over the past few days. 1st of all, I live it everyday, it is my life and I wouldn't change a thing... and 2nd of all, I keep asking myself is there anything I could do or say that might change someone's mind about parenting a child outside of their race. I keep thinking about how I felt at the beginning of my adoption journey..I was open to a child of any race, I hardly gave that box a 2nd glance but scared to DEATH about open adoption. Honestly, I only checked YES in that box because I thought it would get me placed sooner. I had never heard of an open adoption, I had no idea how it would work, how I might feel and the impact it might have on my child or my family..or on the birth family. At the agency in California, it wasn't even called "open" adoption, you checked off your willingness for contact..ei..meet face-to-face, letters/pictures, identified placement ( meaning last names exchanged) stuff like that. I was scared and so was my family - honestly my family had zero issues with the color of my child, they were freaked by the whole meeting the birth mother, staying in contact ect. My Mom and I dropped off pictures to the agency, at the request of Gabe's birthmom when he was about 10 days old. They had called to tell me that LaTonya was greiving ( duh...) and would I mind dropping of some picture. BTW...I was over there in about an hour and we had lunch when Gabe was 3 months old...it was awesome. And then we had lunch again a few months later. Its been 4 years and everytime I mention to my Dad that we saw or are going to see Latonya he asks the same question: "Do you really think that's a good idea?" YES I do... But some how..I knew on some level that contact is good for everyone, and that secrets, questions, wondering can be harmful, or painful or even damaging to all. So I pressed on even though I was scared, unsure even frightened that an open adoption might somehow back-fire and I would be left heart-broken. So I wonder if transracial adoption could be the same enlightening process for some. I wonder how many adoptive parents initally "checked" YES to that box - biracial or AA because they thought it might "get them placed sooner". I would bet ya - that not too many would give back the children they now love and adore. I am sure that they must have been scared, unsure and frightened when orginally "matched" with a child of color and his/her birth family, but I know that its scary period..no matter what color the child will be. Until you look at the face of your child, and your heart tells you its okay to love THIS child...its a hard process. For me and my family, transracial adoption simply adds another layer to the entire adoption story - but its not the whole story. I have NO idea what will be the issues that my children will face surrounding their adoptions, but I prepare for them all. Being adopted, having full birth siblings or 1/2 siblings, contact vs no contact, birth fathers, being raised black and Jewish, being raised by a single women..the list goes on and on...I think race is only a part of the whole "matza ball". I know most of the PIW wonder what issues their child might have, and I think a few might choose NOT to transracial adopt believing that its better for the child. My heart tells me that those that leave boxes "unchecked" have probably never really loved someone that was another color, or another race and are unsure of their capacity to do so. I have heard from some that parents, siblings, friends ect would have "huge" issues if I/we adopted a AA child. I ask them is that what they "think" or is that what they "know" as in having had a frank and honest discussion with the person(s) in question. I think people might be surprized if they asked the "rascist" family members flat out to discuss it with them, I really think more would be supportive and be ready to welcome a child into the family than you might think. Or at least that has been my experience. Again, if you fall in love just once with someone who looks different from everyone else you have ever loved or held close....color issues melt and become another layer of the story. So - fall in love! Lastly - I had a wonderful patient named Griffin, and he met Gabe and I for lunch (his Mom too) when Gabe was a few weeks old. Griffin at age 4 took one look at him...and said to me..."cool Heidi, you have a chocolate baby...but it doesn't matter the outside color, cause the blood inside is always red" As a nurse - I will tell you he's right

You have made me cry (I can hardly type) and now I need toorder a copy of that book... Thank you for sharing!

I WISH I could do it tooo!

I will spread the news that Abrazo is looking for good homes for babies of part or full African-American descent...maybe my friends from California would be ready to get on a plane to Texas....you never know! PS - Gosh Elizabeth - I wish it wasn't so hard to find families for these babies...but don't get me up on my soap box....

Welcome to the school little fishy... Congradulations to the little girl who is loved by many PS Welcome to 2007 Ms Stork. May your visits be frequent, and filled with the knowledge of a JOB well-done. I know a few people that are counting on you this year!

May prayers fill in the gaps today, and may love fill the wounded hearts of all that will miss her!

Great Job getting so much done..you are certainly ready to jump into the "Abrazo" pool. Good luck with finishing your homestudy too...

Its been a very long time since I met a man ...babysitter worthy! I am NO help!

Lisa, The 1st night of Hanakah is always sundown the NIGHT before..so we will light the 1st Candle tomorrow (friday). We will be heading off to Temple after eating dinner, exchanging gifts and lighting the candles. The 1st night I give the kids gifts, and they will exhange gifts. In our family, then gifts from Grammie another night, Pappa...ect. Everyone gets a candle or I fill in with smaller itmes, like books, games. Of course, Santa comes too

Question for the "Chicks" : Do you think a celebrity like Angela, Madonna or JLo could even attempt an open adoption in the States? Wouldn't the celebrity status influence a birth mothers decision, ( either positive or negatively) or get in the way some how? I wonder.....

Hang in there.....Kristin. I am sure you will hear something soon, and you can always give Angela a call.

Latest Gabism... As I was making dinner last night, my almost 4 yr old asked if it was "Movie Night" and I said "yes..Friday night is always movie night". Then he headed over to the hutch..opened it and said " If its movie night..then I am ready for Shabbot" Smarty pants!

Fairy Tales really do come true! Many blessings to the newest Fool Family and your "perfect fit" birth family too!

Dear Santa AKA STORK CENTRAL, I know a few families that have been VERY GOOD this year and they all would love to have a sweet pink or blue bundle to put under their holiday tree. Keeping all the PIW in our hearts and prayers during the season of miracles

The Ruggrats have the cutest Hanakah special called the "Meany of Hanakah" I watched it with my Dad before the boys and should really try and get me hands on a copy. Thanks for the item infor - I need to order one. WE are having 20 kids over for a Hanakah bash...I so wish you were coming out to visit your sister and then US, LOL Hugs

Hi Ladies, I love the hand paint menhorah. Lauren- can you tell me where to get one for Gabe? I would sure apperiate it. I took the boys to service last night and I know it made an impression because today on the playground her told his friend " We go to Temple and then you tell people Sabbot Shalom" Color me proud! Hugs Heidi

Thanks Angie!! Welcome back to the fourm Gloria ( and now you have to stay!) and many blessings on your journey to add another child to your family!