John&Nina

CONGRATULATIONS!!!! (Is there anything bigger than all-caps? If so, we need it!) Kay and Darren and our newest and littlest WO kiddo, have a wonderful time getting to know each other and your birth family. We can't wait to hear more!!!

Mark and Laurie, We are beyond thrilled for you. All the best for everyone involved in your children's incredible story. John, Nina, Hendrick & Sophie

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to put this. If there is a better place, please feel free to move it. Today is the 54th anniversary of my brother Ralph's birth. We lost him in September 2003 after a long struggle with colon cancer. I mourn his loss every day, but there are those special days when Hendrick does something silly that I know Ralph would have loved or I catch a clip of Caddyshack (his favorite comedy) when I miss him even more. He and I did not have the perfect relationship, but he was a good brother and a man who at the end of his life tried his best to make amends for his failings and shortcomings. It was five years ago today that I saw him last. We had cake and talked about the old times when we ran barefoot on the beach, went surfing together and chased pretty girls when the sun went down. And I find myself today wondering, "if only..." But those thoughts are useless, and there is life yet to be lived. Please be in prayer for my parents today as they still hurt from the loss of their middle son. And say a special prayer for his children, that they may always know that their father, while not perfect, loved them very much.

Martha, I just "cruised" through Yahoo! Entertainment News, and nearly every story began exactly the way you put it: "Connor Cruise, son of Tom Cruise..." Did they make reference to his adoption later in the stories? Of course! I will say that the circumstances are a little unique here. Connor is playing Will Smith at an early age in this movie. For the record, I had no idea that Cruise's son was African-American, so that would have left me scratching my head without an explanation. I might have thought they pulled the wrong picture. I'm neither condoning the press description of Connor Cruise or condemning it, but I will say this: At some point we adoptive parents (especially those of us in open adoption relationships) have to stop wanting to have it both ways. We want to be proud of our children's stories, we want them to be proud of their stories, we want their birthparents to be proud of their stories. But somehow, for some reason, we reserve the right to be offended when others say that our children (or someone else's) are adopted. I can see where some could infer that we're rather insecure in our status with all that foot-stomping... You're right. No one ever "outgrows" being adopted. I think that's part of the lessons that Abrazo has been trying to teach us. Adoption is part of their story, and a vital part of the story at that. It is our children's "first chapter." And we don't have the right to just cut that chapter off whenever we feel like it. I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I do see your point. Our children are our children. I cannot believe sometimes just how much I love our two kids (not because they are adopted, but because at one point I wondered if I had it in me to be a good parent). And while I don't go out of my way to tell people their stories, I will proudly and loudly tell anyone who is interested about who they are and how they came to us (with a plug for Abrazo thrown in for good measure!). I say none of this to be critical of anyone. I hope I'm just giving us all a little something to chew on. My best to all my friends out there in Abrazo-land. As Hendrick would say, "It's a beautiful day..."

FYI: Nicole is expecting. She's got the bump and has been photographed many times in her family way. Re the media and adoption: I must not be reading the same stuff. Often I see mention made that Tom and Nicole adopted two children during the marraige, which is simply a statement of fact. Frankly, it would be misleading if they just stated that the couple "had" two children during their marriage or that their marriage "produced" two children. As for "illegitimate" references, like it or not, those are now matters of morality and not necessarily matters of legality. Most legitimate (sorry for that) media outlets frown on that type of reporting. Of course, this is not to say that celebrity gossip, which is probably some of what you're referring to, follows the same rules that most journalism follows. It leans heavy on sensationalism and titillation. Cold facts generally give way to the most exciting way to present something, preferably with lots of alliteration...

Congratulations, Jeff and Michelle! And a special Wanna Ohana congratulations to Wendy and Jason! Our thoughts are with you all as you bond with new babies and birthfamilies. Make many memories during this special time...

OK, most people may not know a lot about my situation. I'm 49; Nina is 39. We got married in 2002. Is it a little weird turning 50 with a toddler and an infant running me ragged? I guess. Would I have it any other way? Nope. Frankly, I wasn't ready to get married or have kids when I was younger. I wasn't responsible enough. Certainly, I never found the right woman. Overall, I can't worry about age. I know that I married the woman I was meant to marry. I also know that we're raising the children we're supposed to be raising. My wife is happy, I'm happy, our kids are happy. My family gets the benefit of a calmer, wiser, more complete me (I hope that doesn't come off as arrogant). And I am in a much better position to appreciate the wonderful gifts in my life. So my being older definitely has its advantages for every member of my family. Oh, and yes, I robbed the cradle. And I'm darn proud of it.

What an incredible journey! May untold blessings come the way of all in this beautiful Ohana.

All our best to you, Brian and Cathy, and your new addition. We send our prayers to you all and the birthfamily, too. Enjoy your stay in Texas!

Congratulations, Darren and Danielle! This is thrilling news. We're anxiously awaiting updates. Let us know how everyone is doing when you can...

Did I miss something?? What other guy(s) walked out on Juno and her baby? Paulie? Her dad? Paulie, for all his sweetness and "cheese"-ness as a boyfriend, wasn't exactly there when Juno was struggling with her choices.

I have to say that this wasn't my interpretation of what happened in the movie. Clearly he felt a connection with Juno and that connection helped empower him to leave Vanessa, and I agree that there was something creepy about their interactions, but I don't think he was leaving Vanessa to be with Juno -- he was leaving her to try to recapture parts of his youth that he felt he had lost and that his current situation wouldn't let him recapture. I agree with you, Darren. I think his reasons for leaving had to do with his own "lost youth" and not Juno. But when they started that dance thing, a big "uh-oh" went through my mind. I was really rooting for nothing inappropriate to happen, but, in hindsight, that ship had already sailed. The minute he put his hands on her, it was inappropriate. Call me a prude, but you shouldn't slowdance with a 16-year-old girl in your basement hideaway and then cap it off by telling her you're leaving your wife.

I agree. That creeped me out, too.

Tina, I must admit that the situation in your church has been gnawing at me for a while. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I was troubled repeatedly by what I felt was an intolerant attitude that seemed so out of place in church and in a Christian community. Then I read a devotional today where the Bible verse was from Matthew: That was my "aha" moment. It's expected that we love our families. But what about those people who come into your life and become a part of it, whether it's "convenient" or not? Let's face it, adoption is not "convenient," no matter how hard we try to ignore the realities of it. Whether we like it or not, whether the adoption is open or not, the birthparents and their families are a part of our lives now. We can try to hide them in the closet, push them away or make pretend they don't exist. But they are there, in our child's face and mannerisms and -- soon enough -- in his or her questions. So, if we take Matthew seriously, if we recognize our Christian duty, what are we to do? I would argue that we give the birthparents the opportunity to love their child and, in the process, love us, too. I would argue that, while we may not want to love them, we must love the birthparents, at the very least for the sake of the child we are raising. And I would argue that there are infinite blessings for those of us who get past the idea that this love is merely an obligation and truly embrace the birthfamily and welcome them as our own. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. John