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  • Birthday 01/17/1976

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    Adopting Parent

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    Black Families in Therapy
  1. Congrats Mohlers. We are so excited for you all!
  2. I agree that race is not the only factor that impacts fees, and I wouldn't say that I have less qualms about fee differences based on gender, religion, or another characteristic of the child. I was simply highlighting race because that was what we have been talking about. I think the same basic issue is at hand. In terms of the solution, that will definitely take a combination of more brain power than I have. Like I have said before, I don't even know if this problem can be "solved" at the agency level. I think that most agencies are simply trying their best to function in the system tha
  3. Ever feel like we need a thread titled- expect the unexpected???
  4. I want to make a point of clarification. I think that there is a difference between adoption costs that naturally fluctuate on a case by case basis, and actually having a fee structure that differs based on race. I also wanted to make it clear that I was not saying that children are more or less valuable based on the the cost of their adoption, birth, etc..., but rather that to have a fee structure that is concretely different solely based on the race of the child could communicate how we value people based on their race in the overall society. The reason I bring this up is just because I
  5. Thanks for bumping this over for me Elizabeth.
  6. I agree that this is a different thread- just to clarify, what I meant to ask was: Why offer adoption fees that are different than for other adoptions, not to insinuate that agencies should not be paid for services rendered. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
  7. Elizabeth, Since I have you on a roll One more question. From your perspective, if adopters who are more open racially are generally more financially challenged, why not offer a sliding scale fee based on the financial abilities of the adopters- rather than the characteristics of the child? I know that there have been debates about sliding scale fees in therapy, so perhaps the reasons are similar. I guess my hope would be to find a solution that does not have some of the "side effects" that the existing system can have. Bobbi P.S. I will leave it at this because I almost think tha
  8. So why offer adoption fees for special needs adoptions?
  9. Just an added note to the above post for clarification. I am not saying that agencies necessarily see children as less valuable or that parents who adopt through these programs receive "less service" or there is less effort on the part of the agencies in the placement of these children (that would probably depend on the agency- some being more ethical than others). Rather, that because of the racism that exists in society we are left to struggle with how to deal with the fewer choices that are available to these children- and that sometimes the solutions may create problems that they were no
  10. Elizabeth, This is where that breaks down for me. And I am not speaking about Abrazo in particular because I was not even aware that there was a Promesa program when we entered the program. However, I have read several agency webpages and called for more information on their special programs. Some of them are very clear that the difference that you are paying is based upon the race of the child that you are adopting, even going so far as to have a separate fee schedule simply based on race. My understanding of special needs adoptions- that is the adoption of children who have special me
  11. Just two thoughts. The first is that it is not uncommon in the adoption field for African-American children to be considered "special needs" because they are more difficult to place. Therefore, they are placed within a separate category in terms of costs. There are also agencies that have a hierarchical fee structure in which you pay a differential amount depending on the race of the child you choose. In these scenarios, the adoption of African-American children is always the lowest on the fee structure, even below the adoption of Asian, Hispanic, etc... children. Also, it is not unusual
  12. Okay, I am late to the game. But the Darren and Danielle that are blessed with the first baby of 2008, are they also the Darren and Daniel from the August 2004 orientation group- Woo Woo Parenthood club???
  13. I really struggle with this conversation because I can see both sides of it. I definitely think that it is important for BOTH partner to speak out about their wants and needs in a relationship, rather than expecting the other to be a mind-reader. After all, at least in my experience I have not met a true mindreader yet! Especially in romantic relationships. However, my concern is that we do live in a sexist society and I think that one of the results of this is that women are given much more responsibility in romantic relationships to make sure that the relationship continues to sail smoo
  14. I hate to tell you this Loriahn, but I had to wait for others to leave the theatre before I did, because I cried a lot. But Chad says that I cry at the drop of a hat these days- so you'll have to let us know.
  15. Loriahn- I suppose I can cut you some slack for reading up on the spoilers- seeing that you are out of this world fighting for our country and all Bobbi
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