MarkLaurie

Congratulations to the new family!

We were delighted to recieve an e-mail yesterday from Bailey's birthgrandmother after a long period of time. It was so good to hear from her and how things are going in their world and share how things are going with Bailey. You can tell how much she thinks about Bailey and is glad she is with us. Bailey has a birthcousin (is that a term?) that is close in age to Bailey, and the grandmother comments that as she watches the cousin grow she wonders if Bailey is doing the same things developmentally. It's sweet to know Bailey is on her heart and mind.

Yeah, John & Nina!

I don't know if other agencies have orientation classes or not, but I bet they are nothing like Abrazo's orientation weekend. They do such a good job of getting you going on the road to adoption and opening eyes to open adoption. It's a very powerful weekend (a personal touch is just an understatement).

You rock, John!

I like this statement and hope to remember it if I ever have to defend our desire to keep doors open. I think some parents can get a backwards view of what "protection" really is. I definitely understand the instinct to protect, but I believe in most situations it can be done with appropriate boundaries and not have to resort to "deep dark secrets" and closed doors. Keeping secrets rarely provides any lasting protection.

Your late night ramblings sound a lot more true and logical than the ones I usually come up with, Elizabeth.

It's situations like this that makes me wish we were homestudy-ready already.

A big congratulations to Nita, Walker & Camille!

Congrats to all the new families!

I really agree with the "no secrets" concept. They eventually come out - and usually at the worst time - lead to feelings of betrayal and unneccessary guilt and shame. Although we are not able to have the kind of openness we desire with our daughter's birthmother, it is awesome to see openness work even at the level of our soon-to-be 2 year-old. At least once a week she points to the little red scrapbook on her shelf in her room, saying "baby". She flips through the pages and on most occassions she will point to her birthmother and call her by name. It's not the ideal (being able to look face-to-face and call her by name), but we can always hope for what the future may hold.

What an excited day of placements! Congratulations!

Good article, Elizabeth! Well worth the time to read.

Congratulations, Marcelo, Claudia, Dante & Serenity!

I love Bailey's birthmom for many of the reasons mentioned above... - giving her a chance at life - delivering her in a hospital with a social worker that cared - choosing us - loving her. But mostly, we choose to just love her - not for any particular "reason".

http://' target="_blank">Love is Color Blind Valerie Wolff, February 2007 I remember getting the phone call from our lawyer, saying that there was a newborn girl who needed a home. He said that he immediately thought of us as potential adoptive parents to this baby, and was wondering if it would be all right for him to share our letter with the birth mother who was coming in to his office at the beginning of the week. He hesitated for a moment, and then he said, “I thought of you because I firmly believe that you and your husband will have what it takes to raise this little girl. You see, she is biracial--her mom is white and her dad is black. Her dad had given up his parental rights. Therefore, her mom has the final say over who adopts her daughter, and she wants a couple who will be sensitive to the challenges this child will face in the world”. I told my lawyer that I wanted to talk it over with my husband first, and that I would get back to him later on in the day. I called my husband and told him the news, and he was thrilled and said “of course”. I was so excited, too, but yet there was a smidgeon of doubt in the back of my mind. I wondered if we were really equipped to handle raising a biracial child--what with racism and prejudice still prevalent in our society. I told my husband that I wanted to think and pray about this over the weekend, before we gave our final answer to the lawyer. I called our lawyer back, and explained why we needed additional time, and he understood. That weekend was mostly one of prayer. As a social worker, I knew all too well what people’s reactions would be to having a biracial member of a white family. I knew how difficult it would be not only for us as parents, but for her well-being on many levels. There would be many issues to face, especially identity issues as she grew older. Ultimately, it boiled down to the final two questions --were we emotionally and spiritually equipped to face these challenges, and would we love a biracial child as much as a white child? The answer to the first question was “yes”, with God’s grace, we would be able to handle anything which came our way. The second question might come as a shock to you, but I believe that it was an HONEST question we needed to ask of ourselves. And as we did, I kept on coming back to the thought that true love is, indeed, color-blind. I thought of a remark I had heard several years earlier, that we are all members of ONE race--the human race--and I knew that I would be able to love this child without reservation. To make a long story short, the birth mom chose us out of 10 prospective sets of parents. We met our daughter for the first time at her foster parents’ house, after we had driven there in a snowstorm. Our oldest daughter, Sara, walked over to our baby daughter, Danielle, patted Danielle’s head and said, “I want her, let’s keep her, and take her home.” With those words, our forever family was born. Throughout the years, we have met many challenges in the form of remarks, stares, and discriminatory and racist treatment. As a social worker, I am dismayed by the lack of support I received from my association and fellow social workers who believe that a person of color is “better off” in a black family. In my opinion, that in and of itself is discriminatory and inflammatory, and shows complete disregard for the fact that my child is also half-white! I lost a very dear friend who couldn’t (wouldn’t?) support the adoption. That was, and still is, a very painful loss. At the same time, we have been blessed with a lot of support from others, sometimes when we least expected it! I’ll never forget the time that I was grocery shopping with my two girls, and two elderly black ladies were watching me as I was comforting my baby. They came up to me and said, “There is a special place in heaven for a mother like you.” Little did they know that their words would give me comfort in times of pain, when racism would hit us with its cruel and ugly reality. My daughter went through a two year period of extreme taunting and exclusionary behavior, done at the hands and mouths of “Christians” in a Catholic school, before I finally pulled her out of that wicked environment. My pleas for reform and understanding fell on deaf ears at that school, and my daughter paid a painful price as a result of ignorance and denial by the school officials. This experience reminded me of one of my favorite quotes which is by William Hazlett, “Prejudice is the child of ignorance”. I look at my beautiful daughter who turns 16 this month, and my breath is taken away by her inner and outer beauty. Danielle is full of self-confidence, poise, intelligence, and dignity. She has an unquenchable desire to help out the underdog. She has a sense of humor and is talented at writing and music. Her compassion knows no bounds. And, when she looks at others, she sees them as children of God who are to be loved as such, and who are to be treated with respect and dignity, no matter what their race is. God’s greatest commandment is to love each other as He so loves us. We are commanded to do so, and our family tries to live out that commandment in the unique way of adoption. I am reminded of Acts 17:2 “…and hath made of ONE BLOOD all nations of men for to dwell on all the face of the earth, and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation…” While love is color-blind, that doesn’t mean I negate the fact that Danielle is person whose skin color is darker than mine, or who has another culture of which she is a part. What it does mean is that I firmly believe that “laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color” (Author Unknown).

What an awesome topic!!! I love that the adoption process gave me the opportunity to ask myself some of the difficult questions that it did....and still does. Back when we were checking those boxes, for us it came down to the fact that "We wanted to be parents" - NOT "We wanted to be parents of a _____ (perfectly healthy, anglo, girl, etc) ___child". The "cringe-factor" was just too overwhelming for us to not open ourselves up to the possibilities. I believe that a power beyond myself (God) was very capable of making those kinds of decisions for me. He knows what He is doing. As far as the fears that popped up (i.e. reactions of family members, how the child would adjust, are we capable of giving what is needed, etc), I believe to be necessary and valid questions because we want to go into things with eyes wide open and do the things to prepare for the possibilities; however, I don't want to live in fear or make decisions simply out of fear. Too many blessings would be forfeited. There may be some things that, after truely considering them, you choose to say no to; however, it shouldn't be because of fear. I am so glad we opened our hearts.

Congrats to the Singh family! She is beautiful!

Congraulations

Mark and I were on the same page as far as our desire to adopt; however, due to some differences in our personalities there were some hurdles to overcome in getting the process started. I am very much a "make a decision, find out what to do, and do it now" person while Mark is a "laid back, let things just happen whenever they happen" person. It required me to really spend time making sure I was communicating the information I was finding out about adoption with him and letting him give me his feedback. I had to battle not becoming too "manipulative" in trying to hurry things along (I remember "throwing a few fits"). I tried to avoid doing this by finding out as much information as I could to share with him and communicating my expectations as far as timelines and what our next step would be if he agreed. And sometimes I would just have to sit on my hands and zip my mouth and pray. It worked out as it usually does and looking back it didn't take as long as felt at the time.

For those who haven't seen it yet, there is a picture of little Dulce under AbrazoKids in the Gallery. What a sweetie!

Congratulations, Womble Family!!! I can't wait to meet her in person!

Thanks Abrazo for staying true to your mission. And thanks for bearing with us when we are newbies and may not always "get-it" at first.

Welcome, Yvette & Steve!!! Keep us posted on your journey! And feel free to post any questions as you get started.

A few weeks ago our family had the sweet surprise of learning about our daughter's birthgrandmother who contacted Abrazo in effort to share information with us. We jumped at the chance to make this connection. It has been so nice to e-mail back and forth. I would encourage any birthgrandparents out there who are hesitant to reach out and make a connection to go for it. We have been so blessed to be able to have this contact.