u know the amazing thing during this process, is that no matter how loving and supportive you have been to your friends and family......even non-judgmental (is that a word) .....the people that are gonna hang tuff with you are not the ones you hung tuff for. its very sad, at first i thought it was just me and i was being insecure about how people felt vs. what they told me they felt about it. PEOPLE ARE SO SELFISH IN REALITY. it boggles my mind to think the people that i can lean on and are happy about me starting over and on the path to achieving my dreams, are people who nothing invested in my life before 6 months ago, AND THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD OF BEEN THE MOST AFFECTED BY ME PLACING. the people handling the best are the birth father, and my other 2 children. it sickens me to think that my 11 and 9 year old, are more loving and accepting of the whole thinga than the adfults in my life. and as time goes on and little feelings are let out...i find myself distancing myself from them and not caring about it. that frightens me because many times in the past i have been the glue that held many relationships together. but i just feel in their eyes they dont see what they are doing, i really think that they dont think i see their "shame, disappointment, pain" and knowing me, they know im not going to confront them with others around. i feel it is of a great loss. eventually, they lose more than the 2 boys, they will have lost me, and my 11, and 9 year old.......and they will not understand. i just dont see how people can look in the mirror, everyday, and not see what they do. they all dont want to blame me.....so they look to the birthfather. yes, he had a lot to do with the choice, but really it takes 2 to make a relationship bad. but when it comes right down to it........through the pregnancy he was there more than they were. and after the placement, he has been the one to give me a shoulder, been my punching bag (literallly, and hes a small guy, poor dude), and.....the one to be happy with me.
has anyone else encountered anything like this, or is my circle of family and friends just certifiable.
breadandwater