suebee

Hallelujah!! Congratulations to the newest forever family. What an awesome family photo. Elijah, I can tell you are going to be one loved little boy!

I think you answered it very well. A little boy in my son's 1st grade class at school asked me if we bought Lydia, and I told him no, we adopted her and explained a little what that meant.

Very touching...praying that these (and all) parents through adoption will see that their child deserves to know all those who love him/her, and that is a gift they give not only their child, but themselves.

Rejoicing in this latest placement and all the dreams being fulfilled. Also praying for the first family who have made tough choices for the love of this precious girl...may the God of all comfort give them peace. May this be the beginning of brighter tomorrows and a beautiful future together!

Bumping this up because we can all use a reminder every once in awhile about positive adoption language. Also, it's important to remember that a woman is not a birthmother until she places her child for adoption. If she chooses to parent, she is simply the mother.

Congratulations Cathy and Brian!! I look forward to seeing pictures and hearing what little J's name is!

Wonderful news Mandy!! I'm so happy for your family and will continue praying for strength and healing for your dad!

Boy, it sure did this heart good to get on the forum this morning, click on "View New Posts" and see that both of my son's birthparents (and my friends) Jeff and Nichole had posted last night!! They are both wonderful people, and I am so proud of them. It was the highlight of my morning. (Of course, when your morning starts out with a lot of whining and complaining from a certain 7-year-old because it's spring school picture day, and he has to wear decent clothes (i.e. no sweatpants) with the shirt tucked in...it can only get better right?! So which one of you wants to claim responsibility for Joshua's stubborn streak...cause I know he didn't get it from me!! :lol:

Congratulations to the newest family of four, and loving prayers for this precious girl's first family. May all your days radiate with warmth and love.

Absolutely then, I think the laws should be changed to allow first parents who incur non-reimbursed expenses for a pregnancy in which they place the child for adoption and can document said expenses (as adopting parents are required to do), should receive a tax credit equal to that offered to adopting parents. Has anyone ever tried to get this done? Is it done through the laws, the president, or how?

Another incentivized choice in adoption is the AAP ( adoption assistance program) - This program was created to encourage the adoption of foster kids. And while we're on the subject, what about that $10,500 adoption tax credit that adoptive families in America can get, just for adopting a healthy newborn of any race? The funny thing us, if firstmothers were offered an equivalent tax credit for placing, we'd call it "inducement" and that would be considered a bad thing, wouldn't it?? (But when the shoe is on the other foot, well, ...?) Is it really the same thing though? You get the tax credit up to $10,500 for adoption expenses paid. If you only pay $8000, you only get a credit of $8000. Since first parents don't generally incur financial expenses when placing a child (at least that I'm aware of), giving them a tax credit for placing is "inducement." Isn't it?

Bobbi, I "hear" what you are saying, and can understand why that is a concern.

Very interesting article Kay. I did the test too!

Well, that just shows what little they know...and how narrow their view of "family" is!! The most important thing is that WE (including the kiddos) know we're family!

In real life, I've found that even the most decisive, most independent or irreverent and non-emotive birthmoms are anything but strong and secure, inside. But they'd be the last ones in the world to admit it. Sometimes, it's their camouflage they take on, to protect themselves from looking (or feeling) too vulnerable at what is in fact their most vulnerable point of all... That said, Susan, I think you're right: pregnant fathers rarely seem to know how to be needed without prompting. It's an isolating experience, whether you're the one with the belly or not. And sometimes, they need someone to "tell them what is needed" just as much as their babies' mothers need them to be able to figure it out on their own. You know, I don't think this is limited to pregnancy....I know some of the earliest disagreements in our marriage came when I expected or wanted Larry to figure out what I needed/wanted in a certain situation...be it emotional or picking his dirty underwear off the floor!! He told me early on that there wasn't much (if anything) he wouldn't do for me...but I had to ask. He couldn't read my mind, and his mind does not work like mine does in the least. Oh sometimes, I hate to have to ask. I want him to just know what to do or what I need. But the reality is...he doesn't. And true to his word, if I ask...he responds. Sounds like a moms MAMS night out is needed...follow me to the MAMS thread!!

My hubby doesnt like going to the movie either. I love them so much that I just started going by my self. I thought it was a little lonely at first, but now I really like it. Its kind of relaxing to go alone. Also, I do plan to go see Juno....if I ever get time. I think my volunteer movie pal has forgotten about me (or maybe she is too busy with 2 active little girls). So, I just may have to go see this movie by myself. . Good thing is - "ME TIME"! You should have gone with Amanda this past weekend!! I'll go see it again if you want a buddy!

Okay, granted, I am not in and around these type of situations every day, but this is my perception. I thought Paulie was an insecure fellow who was had feelings beyond friendship with his best friend Juno, but didn't really think she shared his feelings. It was her idea to have sex--more out of experimentation than "love", although no doubt he was a more than willing participant. But it wasn't like he was the one pressuring her. When he found out she was pregnant, I don't think he had a clue what to do. I'm sure all he knew was he wasn't ready to be a daddy...and there's nothing wrong with that. People make adoption plans all the time for that reason. Juno, on the other hand, seemed very strong and secure...this is the way it is and this is what I'm going to do about it. I would bet this is also very common in relationships. A very strong, decisive woman and a man who just goes along. Besides...he's told "it's her body...it's her choice." The only reason he asked the "soup smell" girl out was because Juno told him to. I almost cried in the scene where Juno goes off on him and he says something to the effect of I should be mad at you…you’re the one who broke MY heart. This made me think that sometime after they did the deed, he admitted he wanted a relationship beyond friendship, but she say uh-uh, no way. I see your point Elizabeth about all the things Paulie didn’t do. I guess I just want to think that he would have done some or all of those things if Juno would have asked him to…if he knew she needed him to. Maybe I’m sexist…but I think sometimes men don’t step up to the plate because they don’t know they’re needed. I know there are lots of birthfathers who disappear…I just didn’t get that impression of Paulie. In my ideal “ending” of the movie, Vanessa realizes she cannot just walk away and forget about the first mom of her baby, and they develop a special relationship. Paulie also decides to meet Vanessa and the baby…and decides he wants to be a part of his son’s life as well (in his own insecure and awkward way!)

Did I miss something?? What other guy(s) walked out on Juno and her baby? Paulie? Her dad?

Going to see this movie tonight with my sister...didn't read all the posts, but I'll be back later to discuss!!

Great idea! When Nichole visited us two years ago, she went to church with us! I think it made quite an impression on several people!

Tina, Sounds like it was a divine opportunity. I'm glad you said what you said...I think others need to hear it..and keep hearing it. Hopefully you can stay in your church and continue to educate others on the benefits of open adoption. I know it's probably not the role you would seek, especially when we go to church to find understanding and acceptance. I have to add that we have had several issues with Lydia's birthmom (not legal) but I can never imagine wishing she would just go away and never see Lydia again. It's been very stressful, but we continue to work to build a relationship with her because it's the right thing to do. If this were our first adoption and we didn't already know the potential for a great relationship (like we have with Nichole although they are very different people), I might not try so hard. Also, if I didn't have the education of Abrazo and this forum, I might not know any better. Lydia's birthmom lived over an hour away when we met, matched, and when Lydia was born. Within a month, she had moved less than 10 minutes away!! (I have to qualify this by saying I have often fantasized about Nichole living closer, next-door even, but then again, they are very different.) Lydia and I did run into her at Wal-mart once. I had been a little concerned with what she might do/say if that were ever to happen, but it went very well. I was glad to see her, and we've had another planned visit since then. We talk on the phone regularly. I would be glad to talk with this couple if you think it would help.

Yeah!!! The first Buddy to go back for #2!!! I'm so excited for you and Bill (and Tasia!!!) I can't wait to see who God adds to your family and the blessings He has in store!!

Can you talk to the adoptive couple who is "freaking out" and find out what their concerns are and share your story/perspective?

Sabrina, That is awesome. Thank you for sharing. Faithfulness is one of the attributes of God I am most thankful for (along with His love, mercy, grace...there are so many.) When I share my life story, the faithfulness of God is what I see most clearly. He has never let me down. He always comes through...not always in ways I expect, but better. And He's there for me day in and day out...even when I am less than faithful to Him. Again, thanks for sharing! Susan

Truly heartbreaking...