KMTM

Dear Franky, I too am sorry for your loss. We have adopted twice through Abrazo, and we had a failed placement each time prior to adopting, but nothing as difficult as what you two have gone through. There is a period of mourning, and I hope that you have allowed yourself to go through it as painful as it may be. Adoption is a journey, and sometimes before we can reach the ultimate destination of parenthood we go over some rocky terraine and side trips. Sometimes God puts us in another person's life for a season. We are to be there for them. Sometimes we just won't know until we get to heaven or until we are able to look back at an event to see what His purpose was, but rest assured, He doesn't waste anything. Your journey has now brought you to Abrazo, and should this be the route you take to become a parent, you have found a good support system for you when you need it, and you will need it. We all have at some point in time. It took us 3 months from the date of orientation to adopt our daughter Erin who is now 5 1/2 and starting kindergarten. I was in the delivery room when she was born, and about 3 1/2 months from orientation when we adopted our son Pearce who will be 2 August 27. His is a closed adoption and he was 1 week old when we got him. It's not if you adopt it's when. Kristy

My personal favorite is, "Don't stop trying." Like my husband would appreciate us no longer having sex because we can't get pregnant. DUH!

Hey, Pam! I will definitely be praying for you. Making decisions about one's income and benefits is truly a leap of faith when you consider changing jobs. Sometimes God has to make us so uncomfortable in our current position that staying doesn't seem like an option. I hope you find your courage before it gets to that point. I've been with the same company since August of 1993. I've done different jobs in different towns, but they are the only one I've worked for out of college. It would be very difficult to change. Kristy

I also think that God doesn't make mistakes. I believe He is totally in control (when I allow Him). In addition, I don't think God wastes anything. He can use anything that comes into our lives to glorify and edify Him while making us stronger. So, no matter the path that led you to adoption, God probably will be using your journey for more than just becoming a mommy...if we allow Him.

As one who has recently been there, done that and finalized on the 13th of May for the second time, try not to compare the journey or b-moms. You will find them to be totally different as you will find your children to be. At first I started trying to keep a journal on the computer like I had with our first, but for some reason it just didn't feel right. Then I started a hand-written journal in a black leather bound book, and it just seemed to flow. It's nice because you know the path you are walking down but don't expect to see the same scenery. Congratulations and good luck with #2! It's well worth the ride. Kristy

Patrick and I didn't do IVF, but we did use a donor and do IUI. I wasn't particularly a fan of doing it, but Patrick wanted to exhaust all possible means, and I agreed to it. I'm not at all disappointed now that we didn't get pregnant even though during the 6 months of doing the IUIs I was emotionally exhausted with the let downs each month. Now, I'm glad we chose to go through the IUI process for several reasons: 1) God knows I'm not the most patient person when it came to becoming a mommy. And filling my time with fertility treatments, killed some time till His perfect time was complete and we were to have the child He meant for us to have. 2) It has expanded my ministry to other women who are going thru fertility and adoption. 3) The outcome -- Erin (4 1/2) and Pearce (9 months). Life is a journey made of choices. God's path for one isn't necessarily what He has chosen for another. You just have to believe He will deliver. Kristy

Albert, Keep you nursery and get your homestudy in order. Things happen quickly once the ball starts rolling. Kristy

Hello, Albert, and welcome to the Forum, My husband had the same situation and I had my own difficulties. After 6 months of failed fertility treatments, we turned to Abrazo and were accepted. We are about to finalize our 2nd adoption through Abrazo. I'm 34 and Patrick is 39. Congratulations on your new journey! It will be a wild and crazy ride. We went to orientation and 3 months afterwards we were parents the first go around and the 2nd time it was about 2 1/2 months. Put it in God's hands. This is a time your faith will be tested and strengthened, and REWARDED! Kristy

Melissa, Our daughter Erin was 3 when she started talking about wanting a baby "siter" (aka sister). She had a girl's name picked out which wasn't one we would have chosen. We ended up getting a baby doll that looked like her, and we named it that name. She was 3 1/2 when Pearce was born. Erin didn't regress or anything. She didn't miss a step. As a matter of fact, she got more spoiled because everytime someone bought the baby a gift, Erin got one! Erin is a wonderful big sister. She helps with Pearce, and now that he reacts with laughing and smiling to her antics, she loves him even more. They entertain each other well. Good luck in the addition to your family. It's very exciting! Kristy

I too believe the Holy Spirit uses your gut instincts, and the more I rely on them and put faith behind it you would think I wouldn't doubt those instincts. I'm very intuitive, but I truly believe that is the Holy Spirit too. As for when we adopted Erin, my mom felt the Holy Spirit leading her to 7 godly women to pray for us, our baby and the birth parents until the baby got into our home. We prayed specifically -- we prayed that Erin's b-ps would be married, for example. When we found out Erin was due at the end of December, I went back to see when she was conceived. It was the week that the Praying 7 started praying. That's just a tip of the story. I think it also requires relinquishing hold of what we think is good in order to receive God's best. You can receive a present if your hands are holding onto something else. I learned that with Erin. I was willing to go where ever to be in His will, but it seemed like He was talking to me. After everything was done, I can look back and I think, "What an idiot I was...He was there all along. Teaching me and showing me what to pray for!" Adoption is not for the weak. And if you faith is weak, it will either break you or increase your faith in God. Thanks for reviving this subject.

This is a great subject. When we were matched w/Erin's b-parents, the b-mom really wanted Erin to have siblings. It was important to her to know that we would adopt again. She didn't want Erin to grow up without one because she too had a sibling and the children she had had siblings. Part of being part of an open adoption process is being open with tact. The last time we heard from them was in October when they sent us a letter stating they were moving. Erin got a Easter card from them yesterday with their new address. I've already put a package in the mail to them. Point out the benefits, the good stuff of having a sibling, keep them in the loop, and communicate, communicate, communicate.

Adoption is not for the weak in mind, spirit or body -- that's for sure. I'm in the insurance industry, and no matter how you prepare for anything there will always be a risk of some sort. I think education is important, openess of mind, communication, and going with your gut feeling. I don't know if it is my job (investigating insurance fraud) or just that I'm a woman, but I'm very intuitive and have a sense of things. When we adopted Erin, we were about as sure as one can be that an adoption was going to take place. We just didn't know if it was going to be 1 or 3! There weren't too many bumps along the way with Erin's adoption. Pearce's adoption was totally different. We had a b-mom that went AWOL, another close call and then Pearce came along. In my spirit I knew we were to adopt a hispanic baby boy, but sometimes my heart got in the way of my head and my gut, if that makes any sense. So, bottom line...get as much information as you can, communicate thoroughly to all parties involved, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

Hi, Michelle and Mike, I'm sorry to hear about your other adoption agency. I will say that Abrazo is different than that. If you have proven infertility, you will probably hear from them in short order. We sent in our profile and heard from them within a week about the next orientation. We went to orientation weekend, and in 3 months our daughter was born. Our second time adopting with Abrazo took 2 1/2 months. If you don't have your nursery done by the time you go to orientation weekend, you will be doing it as soon as you get home from that weekend, and working on your home study. It is fast and furious once you get back.

Melissa, Been there and recently got our second t-shirt. I was in the delivery room when our daughter Erin was born. We have an open adoption with her b-family; however, they have recently moved and are eagerly waiting to hear from them to learn their new address. We adopted our son Pearce on September 3rd this year and he was 1 week old when we got him. His parents want a closed adoption. We REALLY wanted to have the same type relationship with Pearce's b-family as we do with Erin's, but that is not in the cards right now. I have to trust that God is in control of that, and that He will do what is best for us. When we were thinking about adopting again (as we were being prodded by our 3 year old for a sibling), our concern was what to tell her and when. We had been matched with a b-mom for our second adoption but she went MIA a few weeks after we met her. Luckily, we hadn't told Erin that she was the new b-mom. I guess my advice would be to be open for something different from what you have, expect God's best whatever and whoever that may be and through whatever channels He chooses, AND pray for wisdom in protecting the child you already have. Erin really wanted a sibling (the staff at Abrazo can attest to that), and we had told her b-family that we didn't want to raise and only child and that we would adopt again. I think we were more relaxed the second go around, but it is still stressful and an emotional roller coaster ride. I'm sure you all will make the best decision for your family, and Happy Holidays.

I am so excited for you guys! Can't wait to hear the details and to see a picture of your beautiful new addition. Kristy Mullins

Hello, Beth, This is in response to the first few messages in the subject. Patrick and I adopted Erin through Abrazo a little over 3 1/2 years ago, and we adopted our son Pearce through Abrazo about 6 weeks ago. There is no time frame for adopting again. The bmom's tend to choose bps that don't have children, but Abrazo will work with you to make sure you get the baby that is suppose to be yours. It took us 3 months from orientation when Erin was born and I was in the delivery room. We have an open adoption with her bps. And it took us 2 1/2 months from orientation to adopt Pearce. His bps want a closed adoption for now. As far as hand-holding, I think I would best answer it this way. Abrazo gives you a lot of information during orientation including a binder that has a lot of useful information. PLUS, they have this forum. Your support comes from us on the forum. Abrazo does a good job of keeping you advised and informed, but the support really comes from those in your orientation group and the forum. I just love the forum. I hope this helps. Kristy

Hello, Everyone! I think this is a great subject matter. I think whether a woman chooses to go back to work or to stay at home should be supported by all women. I don't think one should look down on the other but rather support one another. The company I work for gives me 4 weeks of Paid Adoption Leave. Plus, I took 4 weeks paid vacation and I'm taking an additiona 4 weeks without pay. All of this is protected under the Family Medical Leave Act. The month without a paycheck will be thin, but it is something we decided to do. When Erin, our first baby, was 3 months old and I had to take her to our church's daycare, it was all I could do to keep from crying. But Erin has proven to be a very social child, and has thrived in daycare setting. There are days that I take off from work and she still wants to go because that is where her friends are. She is 3 1/2 now, and I'm off again for another 3 months with our son Pearce. We have a friend who will be keeping him throughout the rest of the school year for us so hopefully he won't get ill as frequently. She doesn't keep any other children other than her little girl. I think it is important to feel very comfortable with the daycare you select, and if after going there for several weeks and your child is still fussy about not going or is crying when you pick them up and this is out of character. There is something seriously wrong. That's what happened to Erin when we relocated. After the first week I was look for another provider. We found one and it made all the difference in the world.

Hello Everyone! Yes, we received our baby boy in his yellow blanket that I had started crocheting at the orientation in June. William "Pearce" Mullins was born on August 27, 2004, weighing a whopping 5 pounds 2 ounces. His big sister was there to welcome him into the family. She wasn't all that patient as we signed paperwork. She kept asking "Where's my baby?" and "Where's my baby brother?" Erin was the first to see him, hold him and feed him. We go the phone call on 9/1 and took placement on 9/3. For now the b-parents want a closed adoption but we are praying that they change their minds. But for now, we are adjusting to being back home in Shreveport. Kristy