Zinnia

thank you so much for all of your kinds words and words of encouragement. i truly do get encouraged more and more everytime i read up in here. family and friends and even people i just meet have been so hurtful when it came to infertility. my mother still doesn't get it that i'm not making her a grandma on purpose and that its all a medical mess. aunts and cousins think i'm not having chidlren because i won't stop trying to get ahead (i'm still in school getting my masters) and start thinking of family. i have tried to educate them all about infertility and now i see that i am going to have to be an advocate for adoption in my family and circle of friends as well. though it can be very hurtful and very tiring at times i won't keep my two cents to myself when i hear something insensitve being said! but not all is bad. my husband and i love each very much and we have grown closer and closer and have built a very strong marriage through our tough times. we also have some friends and family (now closer to them than any others) that are very supportive and loving and understanding towards our infertility and our adoption dreams. some have even offered to give letters of reccomendations! like i said, we won't try the more evasive infertility treatments like IVF. we'd rather use that money towards adoption. we are still trying though. i guess i just couldn't not do it. but something in me keeps saying do adoption NOW and be happy NOW! stop trying to conceive and stop getting hurt every month on end! i just know adoption is for us i just don't know when that will be! thanks, Z

hello, all! my name is zinnia and i am 27yrs old and hubby's name is abel and he's 30yrs old. i am a 4th grade teacher, working on my master's in education and he's a nurse's aid working on his nursing degree as well. we are both originally from corpus christi, texas but a year ago we moved to san antonio. we love this city!! we have been ttc for 3yrs (going on 4) and it has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. infertility in general can be a heartache and on top of having to deal with that we had to deal with incorrect information from doctors, losing friends, insensitive family members and so on. when we were first told of our infertility we were told that we would "never have children." we were young, uneducated, and shocked to even question it. we immediately thought of adoption. we know we want to be parents more than anything. then we changed doctors and found out that there were some treatments we could do to try to conceive. we are now currently trying them and are in the beginning stages of infertility treatments. though we are still ttc we have never stopped thinking of adoption. i know that if we do have a bio child it will be hard and difficult and a miracle and i don't think we can afford (emotionally) to try to go through all of that for #2. we want a big family, so we believe adoption is for us. we have had some stupid responses towards adoption from friends and family and we haven't even adopted yet!!! i was once talking with my SIL (they too were having IF problems on their 5th IVF they finally conceived twins) and i mentioned to her our dreams of adoption sometime. she immediately said, "oh i would NEVER consider adoption i want children of my own and i won't give up like that." i was so hurt by her comment. i was devasted. i literally got up and asked my husband to go home. i couldn't believe she would say something like that. i know adoption is not for everyone but does she have to make that comment to a person that is wanting to adopt!!!! with that comment i now know she will never consider our children family if they are not conceived biologically. i will always think of that comment when she is around our family (whenever we do have one). i have also lost friends. one friend has told me how i could think of raising someone else's child. and this is a teacher! so much pain and nights of crying and bouts of anger and resentment i have had to go through with infertility. now, with adoption, that i can see a light at the end of a such a dark tunnel and actually smile again when i see a baby or a baby commercial, i get even MORE obstacles to overcome by stupid friends and family!!! geez, one really can't win huh! i just wanted to let everyone know that i am now a member of this wonderful forum. i have learned so much and the more i read the more i want to move our adoption plans forward. i used to think i'd never be a mommy and i'd never hold a beautiful baby of my own in my arms but now i am smiling again and i have this forum to thank for. THANK YOU SO MUCH! hoping to adopt sometime... Zinnia & Abel