karen&scott

Hi Lisa, Hooray for your Dad... and all the great Dads in the world. Karen

Congratulations Jay and Lindsey and big brother Quentin! I think back to when I met you at orientation (not that long ago). I knew your lives would never be the same, even when you were not as certain. Boy has it changed, twice now! Karen

Hi Tina, Your right. It's freeing to know there is something better just waiting for us in another case, through Him all things are possible, when we open our hearts to the possibilities... we just have to let go of the case (baggage) we are currently holding, knowing we have been carrying it around far too long. Karen

I do not know if this would help anyone but... I found it easier to actually read the medical policy/manual provided by our employer/insurance company. Besides, I wanted to see it in writing. When I asked folks within that department that were supposed to know, they really did not know very much about adoption terminology. The manual (actually a book) was very clear about when coverage begins when adopting, for us this was at placement. All bills prior to placement were scooped together (in my mind) as part of the cost of adopting. Karen

Hi Dan, Thanks for those beautiful, comforting words. My father died when I was 16 (he being only 38). I lived with him, my parents were divorced, I was Daddy's girl. It was too much to comprehend at 16 his death and my life being forever changed by it. In my circle of friends at the time (high school) no one understood the way I felt. I was suddenly different, I thought differently. We may be here today, but necessarily tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life. Terminal illnesses did not just happen to other people, it happened in my family. Everyone just wanted me to move on, stay busy. I tried, I did what everyone wanted. Even though he was gone, he was in my mind, in my heart, I needed to talk about him. No one seemed to listen. Looking back, I needed counseling (and never got it). I have spent the rest of my life making sense of it all... and it's impact on who I am today. How I love to see families together, many generations. My Dad would have been a wonderful grandfather and would have adored his granddaughters. Today, as I write this post, I have outlived his age by almost 4 years. I know that everyday is a treasure to behold. The poem you posted brought back so many memories, both happy and sad, and it's okay (now). Thank you. Karen

Thank you Elizabeth and Laura. It truly was a special day for our family and our faith. Karen

Adam -- Let me preface my reply by stating that I am no accountant or tax specialist (just a "retired" labor-and-employment attorney), but I think I can offer some guidance. I do not believe you will be able to claim the birthmother's medical expenses on your tax return (i.e., the labor & delivery charges, etc.). Although you assume responsibility for the birthmother's (and baby's) medical expenses through Abrazo, the birthmother most likely does not meet the IRS' definition of a dependent since she doesn't live with you and hasn't been your financial responsibility for an appropriate amount of time under their guidelines. Again, though, these are just my thoughts ... I'd definitely check with your accountant to be sure. I think you are correct, Feeling Blessed. Also, the baby would not qualify as your dependent until legal placement, which cannot occur until after the birth. However, the medical expenses would be included in total adoption expenses if you are eligible for the adoption tax credit. As always, check it out with a tax professional. Karen

Hi Susan, I agree, great legwork on this insurance stuff. I wonder though if being matched with (birth)parents prior to the birth would really matter to the insurance company since this is only a promise, not a legal agreement. Legally relinquishment and placement cannot occur any earlier than 48 hours after the birth of the baby (in Texas). Which in turn makes Medicaid that much more confusing...because if a (birth)mother is fully eligible for medicaid for the birth of her baby (and she has applied for it), then that coverage should not be denied, even if an adoption plan is made (48 hours) later. Karen

Hi Laura, Isn't it wonderful when we can recognize all the angels around us, known and unknown, for surely they are always there? Karen

Thanks for sharing Karen. We needed to hear your Good News!!!!! (I will celebrate tonight!!!) Karen

A minister once said to me, there are no unplanned adoptions. Congratulations to the newest Royalty....another match made in Heaven! Karen

Thanks Amanda and Lauren for your honesty. There are no easy answers, one's journey must be fulfilled before we can start a new one. Which is exactly how some of us are led to adoption, through our heartaches, through our losses of what we hoped for, our biological first family, through wanting to be parents, believing it is possible. Open adoption keeps us in touch with our first loss through the relationship we build with our child's birthfamily. Birthparents help us to see into our future, becoming parents through adoption. You see, they too mourn the loss of thier first biological family through placing, thereby fulfilling our dream of parenting. Doesn't seem fair? But it works because we are all here for the right reasons, to find our family. We both know loss, we understand the pain, we are here for each other. Best of luck to you both. Karen

Thinking back... Can anyone remember how long they lurked before they were brave enough to write their first post? Can you remember how you felt after your first post? Can you remember your first impression of the forum, certain you would never get addicted? Can you remember your first impression of open adoption via this forum? Could you ever imagine you would have forum friends that understand... those you have never met face to face?

How glorious even storms can be! Happy Birthday All!!!!

A funny story... Well I have already told you how going to church as a child was not always the best of experiences (for me). To top it all off, we had to arrive very early to ensure we sat in the front pew. My Mother would say she liked to sit there because then we would all (three) behave. There were several families that wanted that front pew, but we mostly got it. I would sit there and think we were on display, for the congregation, for the whole world (remember I was a child). I can even remember thinking that I would never do THAT to my children. Fast forward to today. My baby Lexi (5 years old) marches into church and doesn't stop until...you guessed it....she gets to the very front pew!!!! She will not be swayed to sit even in the second row. She will sit up front with or without me, she makes that clear. So I/we sit, with nothing between us and the minister but holy space. Does she have a clue what that does to me, flashbacks to my childhood? (I know she doesn't because I have never shared that with her.) We sit with the youth choir director and the associate pastors' family like we are v.i.p.'s of the church. Some things never change! Or God has a great sense of humor! (Amanda, she is way too cool to start out in the front row. She asks me to let her sit in the balcony, of which I have no problem with since I would prefer there too. I see her up there visiting with friends and then right as the service begins, she quietly comes back to sit with us.) Karen

God is wherever you feel His presence! You Go Sabrina!!!

Hi Sabrina, I just had to respond to your post. I had the same type thing happen, kinda. I was raised Catholic, in church every Sunday dead or alive (believe me there were Sunday's I felt totally dead), ccd classes during the week, catholic high school, the works. Well, I totally rebelled when I was able to, right after I got married (in the Catholic Church). I was mad at God oh for about 25 years, due to a huge loss I had suffered as a teenager (the death of my Dad), and losses I continued to suffer in my young adulthood (infertility), like it was His fault. I felt like a hypocrite going to church knowing the way I really felt. I did not know anything else but to just stay away, leave the Church and Him. Until about a year ago... a friend invited me to her Church...just a casual invitation, probably never expecting me to really go. But I did, because I knew I was ready, I needed Church and was not certain how to begin again, finding where I would feel comfortable. Well guess what, I was touched at the service, I cannot really explain it, maybe I just really needed to be there, I felt so comfortable with their Church and connecting with God again. Well, this church is our neighborhood Methodist Church...I have been going most Sundays, my girls participate in the choir, they love the children's sermon (something I had never experienced) and it feels like my big family...but in all honesty, I have not totally crossed over in my heart because I feel like I am betraying my Catholic upbringing, even though I have spent the last 25 years saying that I am not a religious person, spiritual yes. While I am working on the crossing over part, finding my own personal relationship with God, I do find myself more and more connected with Him! Recently, I attended a Woman's Retreat with the Church, another wonderful experience for me (thanks to God and some faith on my part). I signed up to host a dessert table for eight at the Christmas by Candlelight evening in December, as I am thrilled to serve and meet others that know God in a way I am only beginning to understand. And the best news in my life, from all of this, is I have come to know that while I thought I left God many years ago, He never really left me! Karen

Amanda asked me a very important question the other day. The conversation went something like this: "Mom, when you wanted to adopt (me), did you want me to look a certain way? I mean did you get to say ' I want a baby with blue eyes?'" "No, I was committed to you before you were even born, I did not know what you would look like, but I knew you would be beautiful." Amanda "Then how come we look kinda alike?" "That I cannot explain." Amanda "How come Lexi and I look kinda alike?" "I cannot explain that either. We were committed to Lexi before we knew her or her birthmom." "Maybe God has something to do with it, not because we kinda look alike, just that we were mean't to be together as family." Amanda "Maybe" I started thinking about how I would feel if I had specifically "menu ordered" a baby, by birth or adoption (not that I ever would). Here would be my (10 years young) baby looking at me.... possibly asking how and why? How would a parent answer those questions, if in fact, their baby was designed for thier own purposes and not God's? Karen

Hi Cool Beans, How would Amanda ever REALLY know (all those things you mentioned) without openness? As far as my positive outlook on open adoption, the Abrazo way, it is my only point of reference. I have not experienced other avenues as you say. I would love to hear your story...if you would like to share? Karen

Yes, Let's do it together!!!! Because... Our children are growing up, beginning to talk of their own adoption, to family, friends, even strangers. I continually worry how my child will respond to negative, ignorant remarks. And if you think noone would ever say anything inappropriate to a child's face, think again! Remember, it is ignorance talking, they do not know better. Let's give everyone a chance to know better!!!!

BE CAREFUL, JEAN AND MARTHA, IF YOU SHOW UP, YOU MAY BE CONSIDERED PARENTS-IN-WAITING. Karen

Now I know why I click on the most unlikeliest of threads, for me personally. Because I get to read about such cool stuff happening in San Antonio, with the most "happening" people! Karen

Just as we as parents or parents in waiting have had to educate ourselves on open adoption, not sure in the beginning if that is what felt right for us... I think birthparents also have a similar process. How much do birthparents know about open adoption when they are faced with making a life long decision for their baby? Yes, they may want to choose, and know the family, where their child will grow up, they may want an open placement, they may want the option of more contact or just knowing that it is available to them, what then? How do we proceed.... with one another? Respectfully, is the only answer I can think of. Karen

Sabrina, Having an "open" heart is where it all starts....none of us knows just how much togetherness will actually take place or when with our child's birthparents... that is sometimes beyond our control. I will say from experience, and I know you agree, that things change with time. Just seeing your pictures in the gallery of your child meeting his birthmother again (and dancing with her) and meeting his birthsiblings, did you ever imagine that day, so soon? What bothers me about someone only wanting a baby, with no birthparents is...how is that possible? Even folks that adopt from China (for instance) who have no birthparent information, still talk with thier child about his/her birthparents, right? There are alot of open hearts on this forum, knowing Abrazo families stand out from the rest, makes this a happy place to be! Karen

Congratulations to the newest family! So happy you found one another!!!! (Kind of makes me "long" for another one, just kidding.) Karen