ElizabethAnn

Mari, congratulations on your baby's graduation, and your grandbaby's presence there! I know her parents are so proud of all your daughter has achieved, and the fine woman she is becoming, and we all know what an integral role you've played in all that. Big hugs to a great mom and a wonderful birthgrandma!

What a beautiful tribute to your child's first parents, Susan... but even more than what you've said, your actions on their behalf say the most about who they are and what they've meant to you. Thank you so much for coming all that way to be there for Lisa (and Adrian) and their families this past Friday. I am so very sorry for your loss, and for Lisa's and Adrian's, but most of all, for Tasia and Jenna, who will never have the joy of seeing them together. May God be with each of you in this time of great sorrow, and may Adrian rest in peace, knowingly how truly he is loved and respected and appreciated, for the inherently good man that he was.

The discussion that's arisen here reminds me of this poster, which I think is rather thought-provoking on a number of levels...

Apparently, the ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney is also giving adoption some thought: http://tvnz.co.nz/entertainment-news/heather-mills-considering-adoption-3569296.

Amanda, I wonder if perhaps the problem is that adoption isn't "supposed" to be a fix for infertility or childlessness, but rather (and primarily), a resource for children? and that Rihanna's thoughtless comment seems to indicate that her primary motivation for adoption (at this point, at least) is centered around her own need(s)? I think for some persons who were once adopted, hearing their parents say they "had to adopt" in order to become a mother or father is very painful. It's akin to hearing one's parents say your adoption was a mere contingency plan on their part, a last-ditch effort to achieve their goal of parenthood. Perhaps the experience might be parallel to hearing one's adopted child say "my birthfamily couldn't keep me so I ended up having to be yours"...? It pains me to contemplate any child Rihanna one day adopts having to grow up thinking his or her adoption (and the primal loss it represented) was merely an antidote to Rihanna's fear of childbirth, and a means to her own ends.

Rihanna Fears Childbirth, Is Contemplating Adopting "Even if I have to adopt, I'll be a mom someday"...?!?!?!

Thanks, Dyna... we've been so blessed with great clientele over the years! We've never seen teens as the primary birthparent client served by agencies like ours, but we do suspect this apparent change in pregnancy demographics may be having some impact on the current adoption wait time: Expectant Mothers Over 35 Now Outnumber Pregnant Teens

Not yet, that I know of, Erin... and I'm thankful for that! But we have twice had couples attend orientation and then announce within days or weeks that they were divorcing, and we declined to work with both after that, because each had applied as couples, not as single parents (and Abrazo does not place children with individuals who are married yet do not intend to adopt the child/ren with their spouse, although that request does come up at times.)

While we're on the subject of Sandra Bullock and the soon-to-be dismissed adoptive father of little Louis... Adoption = Infidelity Insurance for Wives of Sleazy Hubbies? Good news, y'all! According to Bombshell McGhee, it's ONE thing to cheat with someone else's husband, but it's quite another thing to hook-up with an adopting father, and she would NEVER have messed around with Jesse had she known he was adopting!?! (Oh, puhleeze.)

Actually, in most states, fraud does present grounds for a relinquishment/termination to be set aside, which could then give a biological parent grounds to contest the finalization of an adoption; in this instance, however, it would depend on whether or not proven misrepresentation of the stability of a marriage would constitute fraud in the state in which the challenge was being raised?

If this discussion makes anyone uncomfortable, I would certainly understand if they wish to avoid this thread, but celebrity adoptions do attract a fair amount of questions. I don't think anyone is requiring the now-split James family to meet a particular standard of perfection-- but I suspect that any celebrities who adopt and voluntarily participate in cover stories about their adoptions can surely withstand whatever public scrutiny they invite. This case does beg the question (as did Angelina Jolie's first adoption) of whether or not ordinary adoptive couples would/should have the option of simply converting a couple adoption to a single parent adoption, were their marriages to implode midway through the adoption process? (And should the birthparent/s have any say in the matter?) In Sharon Stone's adoption, for example, the marriage went South after the finalization as I understand it. But if a birthparent consents to the adoption of her child based on her understanding that her child is going to be raised by a married couple, if the marriage proves to be a sham or an abject failure before the adoption is finalized, indicating her choice of homes may have been based on fraudulent assurances of a couple's stability, should she have the option of demanding another home for her child? Please feel free to share your thoughts, those who wish to do so...

Jesse James Agrees to Abandon Child Sandra Bullock Now Wants to Adopt Alone What a train wreck! Why would it be assumed that a child who has had 4 months to bond with its adopting father would not be negatively impacted by his absence from the home and his withdrawal from the adoption plan?

I agree, Martha. And I have to admit, after I saw photos suggesting the placement was transracial, I had this momentary thought of "well, at least it means a child of color will have a life of advantage." But then I realized how dumb that kneejerk reaction was, on my part... why should anyone immediately assume that this child was not entitled to a more stable home merely because of his skin color? Some outfit (agency/attorney/facilitator) entrusted a child of African-American descent to a man who reportedly espouses neo-Nazi ideals, and despite the fact that Sandra and Jesse did not actually have a secure marriage and may now get divorced: was this truly the best possible placement for any child?! Sandra and Jesse have been ensnared in an ugly custody battle up until recently; was it fair to any of the children to expand the family in the midst of that storm? (I also had to wonder whether or not the placement really occurred in January, because in many celebrity placements, it's not uncommon for the birthdate or placement date to be fudged to "protect" the adopters if the adoption is a closed one and they don't want the birthparents figuring out where the baby ended up.)

It's good news for special needs kids, of course... but bad news for domestic adopters. However, it's not just domestic adoption agencies that are going under: international adoption agencies are closing up shop, as well. And yet another agency's closing announcement (click here) suggests that 60 American agencies have recently shut their doors. Even Utah's venerable Children's Aid Society, in operation for 100 years, is considering shutting down: story here. What needs to happen to turn this around? Read one organization's assessment of the falling domestic adoption numbers here. There's no question that Abrazo, too, is feeling the pinch, as placements have slowed down and families are waiting longer for fewer calls from prospective birthparents. Yet the number of unplanned pregnancies remain consistent; the problem we see is that Texas is being steadily inundated with out-of-state baby brokers trolling our state for moms unaware that adoption facilitators aren't even permitted in Texas. We continually report these illicit adoption planners to our state licensing authority, but even they cannot keep up with the lawbreakers. We're in it to win it for the children we serve, so your hearty AbrazoChicks will continue to persevere, even though the combined pressures of falling domestic adoption numbers and increasing operating costs in the current economy may force us to make changes in our staffing or our programming and/or procedures. We still believe that God has a plan for Abrazo and its people, and we press forward, in faith! as we strive to continue our strong tradition of helping parents in need plan brighter futures for the children that so deserve nothing less! Thank you for your continued patience and prayers.

Natalie, I'm sure not every agency does their adoptions "by the book." And I would presume that it's also possible that in certain counties, judicial license has a lot to do with it-- because judges can and do take liberties in interpreting the law. For example, I know in other counties, judges don't always require that the child being adopted attend the hearing, but here in Bexar county, they do expect the child to be present. On rare occasions, it is possible to petition the courts to waive the six month rule if a child has a dire medical condition, for example, and cannot qualify for subsidies desperately needed for his/her care until after finalization? but the judges here strictly require proof that expediting any hearing is genuinely in the child's best interests. Here's the actual wording from the Family Code: Seems pretty clear that the intent of the law is to not finalize children's adoptions in Texas until AFTER six months...

Suzi, I appreciate your feedback, because it does help us identify areas for improvement! However, with only a few court-approved exceptions, nobody finalizes "at 6 months," since the child has to reside in your home for at least six months before anyone can file the petition to adopt, and according to the Texas Family Code, adoption petitions should be filed at least 45 days in advance of the court appearance. So: having taken placement in late November, you finished six months of post-placement supervision in late May, got your petition filed in late May or early June, and had a July court date... sounds like you did, in fact, finalize "on time" (or pretty darned close!) Hope this helps put your mind at ease.

It's a funny thing... placement patterns tend to be cyclical, for reasons none of us at Suite 540 have ever understood. We'll have a large number of one kind of case, sometimes for months! then there'll be a shift, and we'll have a plethora of cases that share another characteristic... but so far, this year, we're seeing one DEFINITE pattern, and it doesn't bode well for those with their nurseries painted pink, because in 2010 to date, every single baby placed has been wrapped in a blue blanket, giving the phrase "boys rule!" a whole new significance around here lately!

I was so stunned to learn, just this evening, of Shelley's unexpected passing. Most of our members may not realize that Shelley had also been a loyal Forum member for the past 4 years. Her screen name was ShopperGirl, and although she never once posted, I think there were times that it gave her a sense of comfort to be in quiet proximity here with her daughter's first mom. Shelley didn't always know how to express her feelings about (nor to) this birthmother. I think she struggled with feeling both responsible for and awkward about having benefitted from that young woman's greatest sorrow in life, which came with relinquishment. Many Forum members know Shelley's child's birthmother only as JustMe, but those of us who have known Karen for years know how deeply she feels this loss... and how her heart breaks for her birthdaughter and her family. Shelley was a force of nature, in my memory. She was one of those funny, outspoken women who made a big impression. I know she learned much from both of the Karens that were most dear to her here at Abrazo; Karen T., whose loving sacrifice on her daughter's behalf enabled her to become a mother for the first time after years of longing, and Karen O. from NJ, whose journey to adoption began in Charlotte, NC at a regional orientation Friday night gathering, when adoption hopes and fears were spoken aloud for the very first time. (Photo here: Shelley was in the third row, second from the left, in the pink shirt). I wish Shelley had shared some of her thoughts and experiences here on the Forum over the past few years, so those who loved her would have that lasting memento, and so her daughters might have had access to that, as well. In her early fifties at the time of her death, Shelley left us far too soon, and her passing stands as a poignant reminder to us all of the importance of saying the things we need to have said while we have the time to say them. Lifting heartfelt prayers on behalf of the Mann family, and our Karens, and all who share their great loss.

Oh, Tila... can't you just stick to reality shows, darlin', and leave the kids alone? Tila Tequila Reneges on Adoption Plan

Given that an original homestudy is valid in Texas for only six months from the date of the interviews... I would suggest that you hold off on doing any addendum(s) necessary to bring it into compliance with Texas standards until after attending orientation.

I happened across a site this evening that I thought might be of interest to other Christian parents out there. It's called http://www.bibleparent.com and it features Scripture cards that parents can print out for their children, to put in their school bags for inspiration, or to give them for memorization... check it out!