Amy&Craig

Congrats to all who love her!

If she's headed into a dorm, I'd say flip-flops for the shower! And maybe a matching, light robe.

Prayers for answers and a quick resolution - and for peace in the meantime. Hope you just see beautiful skies and smiling faces tomorrow - and maybe a Spurs win .

Wow. I hope this baby gets settled with Dad without too many hurdles. And hopefuly this new mom shared your number with him, just in case. Elizabeth - I don't envy your job and how many times you must see babies who deserve it all leave the hospital and enter into very tenuous futures. We visited Charlie's birthfamily this weekend and his first cousin (who is only 1) seems to be shuffled between adults without much plan or stability for her over the long-term. I feel helpless, so I can only imagine seeing that a lot. Keep us posted if things change for this precious boy!

Looking back at these same questions I had after coming through a successful adoption is really interesting. I remember calling and running through about 20 questions with Abrazo staff (Angela) and looking back now I sort of cringe at how much learning still lay before me And I'm so thankful that the Abrazochicks and friends here take the time to "tenderize" and educate along the way. When I was asking those 20 questions I just really wanted to say "will I come through this in one piece?" - emotionally, financially? But I think it's a HUGE testament to this agency that shortly after orientation I was adding to that question "will my child's first parents - whoever they may be - come through this in one piece?" And how can I help with that? And 3 years later I'm typing this message after a weekend with my son's birthfamily and still caring VERY MUCH that they are still doing well and are in one piece - as emotionally and financially secure as they can be and feeling our emotional support. Happy to report that they are doing well too! The pains of disappointment in waiting, the grief you feel for the birthparents even in a successful adoption, and the emotions/empathies you feel for your child-once-adopted are all a part of the complete picture of adoption. Abrazo doesn't guarantee that it will be easy but they are so awesome at reassuring you that if you are dedicated to becoming a parent then it WILL happen. As for estimates, I believe they told me back in 2010 they are on par with national averages for failed matches - around 20%, so about 1 in 5. And the times for matches - seems like long ones are around 5-6 months - but that number isn't the complete picture because you will have extra information about the situation (like need for maternal support) before you commit to a match. There is a thread on the forum about the benefits of long matches, and another thread about the stress of very short matches. These are excellent reads! Sorry for the recent loss of your grandmother. Take care, Amy

Welcome to the world precious Charlotte and congrats to All who adore you!

I'm sorry you're having to be nervous about very heated or angry emotions - and I have so much sympathy for M and N and their situation. You don't have to share too much with us, but maybe some of the initial divulging with extended family can be done away from the hospital by M and N (after M's release), unless that's not a physically safe situation. Then all 4 of you guys will be able to assess if time can cool everyone off to actually visit while you're in town - since it may be a few weeks before you're heading home. Take time, go slow, give M time to recover more if the family can be held off a bit somehow.

Congrats to everyone who loves this baby girl. The name Irie is so sweet!

Very interesting and timely. I heard this story Freezing Eggs To Make Babies Later Moves Toward Mainstream on NPR yesterday. So whether it's by adoption or waiting later to give birth to a baby, age and motherhood is a hot topic. I remember telling myself when Charlie was born that now I want to live to 85 so we can have 50 years together. It's probably not healthy for me to worry over it since it's not entirely in my control - but it does sometimes remind me to stay on track with healthy habits for eating, exercise and seeing a doctor when I should. But that said, I just lost my father who was only 56 and he had me at the ripe "old" age of 20! He told me several times that he couldn't imagine being sick like that if we were all still growing up in the house. I'm sure we would have made the most of our time if that was our situation - you do what you have to do - but it would have been harder on him and on us I think. On the one hand I think it is something to think about in a child-centered way and to try to reassure your children that stressing over the fear of the unknown is worse than facing reality - if and when something painful happens - and to just live happily in the present of each day. That's the best we can do. I liked one of the comments that someone left on this blog post that her parents are older but she wouldn't have changed a thing - no regrets. Agreed, losing a parent is painful and they are rarely perfect people and they themselves probably would have liked to change some things - but a child (hopefully) can look back and acknowledge a lot of happiness in the midst of that imperfect (and sometimes painful) world, and live without regrets because it's the only reality they'll ever know. We have a responsibility to try to minimize the loss and pain our children (and all of society's children) feel but we also have to acknowledge that there are lots of ways to live life and come out happy (blended families, older parents, second marriages, open adoptions....) - so it's hard to put a solid cut-off date on motherhood in my mind. That said, I do think our society needs to be more motherhood-friendly with social policies so we don't have to choose between careers and kids. But I'll save that for another day! Amy Amy

Mari, you always get me thinking! In our first PIW journey we definitely had some "go with your gut" moments and I'm so glad that we took a leap of faith. I kept wanting a solid sign of what decisions to make - but it was more like God had planted the little seed of faith in my head and after a couple of weeks time (we were lucky that we had some time to think about things) it had grown into a big courage to take on whatever our future child might need. And oddly enough I find myself now asking for a BIG sign again. My husband and I had started talking about a second Abrazo journey at the end of the year. But I just lost my father and the world seemed to stop. I assured him that life would keep us all moving forward anyway and to not worry about us (my brother just had a baby boy today by the way!). So I find myself asking God and my dad above what comes next for me and how soon? There have been those subtle signs but how to interpret??? Someone so accurately said of my dad at his funeral that he was the kind of guy that always had the answer but delighted in making you figure it out for yourself - and he's still doing that to me! Maybe God works in the same way My uncle also pointed out how much it meant for me to be surrounded by my 3 siblings this week. That comment alone helps me take the long view of how much I want my child to have a sibling. Anyway, a little off the topic of selecting a family but that's where I found your comment just when I needed it! But I can relate to the comments about not rushing to judgement necessarily about what you see on paper versus having that call. When you talk to someone that has similar ideas about openness and just other things in common (values maybe) some of the scary things become a lot less scary. Trust and honesty and faith and letting your gut feelings grow go far in this journey I think. Amy

That is great news! It always feels good to have something to look forward to, especially when it's the steps that will bring a child into your lives.

Congrats to the newly expanded family! May the future be very sweet for you all.

Thanks for posting this Hannah, just what I needed. It's so easy to feel guilty about the hurdles or having moments where you expect to spontaneously combust because something is so physically/emotionally taxing. And guilty for enjoying your alone moments SO MUCH. This article really puts the duality of parenting - the hardship/the rewards - into perspective. Those Kairos moments really do have a way of pulling you through the day. For myself, if we're not having a few of those each day then it's time to slow down a little, smile more - maybe let a chore slide for the day and not get too worked up as we switch to fun mode. Of course there are just some weeks - think colds or teething or no sleep - that are just going to be harder. Eventually it eases up again, THANK GOD. Can't wait to share this with a friend who's currently in the deep end... Amy

I'm so happy to see this announcement and beautiful family photo tonight. Congrats to all and enjoy all the fun (wonderfully exhausting) days ahead! Amy

Well Melissa, I can think of one pretty special one from LAST Sept. that made you a happy woman! This announcement made my day! Huge congrats to Jim and Beth and baby's birth family. Welcome to the wonderful world and Abrazo family baby Joseph. Amy