ElizabethAnn

Oops-- sorry! I always forget that the system adds the "http://" part, so when I copy the link and don't delete the prefix, it creates a double posting and deactivates the link. I've fixed it, now, however: Minelli / Adoption Link

From Psychology Today: One Woman's Truth on Placing Her Child for Adoption (I flinch whenever I see the term "semi-open" because that is SUCH an oxymoron in my book! but I do appreciate this woman's candor in talking about her adoption experience and I hope one day that neither she nor her child's adopters will feel any reason to hold each other at arm's length, but rather, embrace each other fully in a open manner that breaks down the semi-walls.)

Liza Minelli says she wanted to become a mother but chose to not adopt in order to help others more: Not Adopting: Selfless or Selfish?

It's not an issue with Licensing, as agencies hold the right to set their own admissions procedures... (and orientation is already optional for those in our designated and special needs programs.) But it is an issue with us, because we feel that starting those in our full-service program out with an orientation weekend helps THEM have a better understanding of the process and gives them a needed source of support right from the start. Our Diehard Tweeners have done a great job of seeking out the guidance and friendship of other Abrazo families in their area and at Camp... but maybe we will have to look into options such as video-conferencing or Skype or something like that for those who cannot get to orientation before they complete a homestudy and start getting calls to match?

We, too, are left wondering whenever referrals of children end up elsewhere. In the case of the little boy with dwarfism from two years ago, the hospital social worker who had contacted us got disgusted that it was taking too long to find a family and the last we'd heard, she'd called that big adoption company in Fort Worth, instead. Your question leaves us wondering whether they got the job done, or if the hospital ended up having to turn that little guy over to the State? (Sigh.) In answer to your question about the referenced nursery note: that mother did not have a geographical requirement (it was only the mother with HIV that wanted Texas families only.)

We are also working to find a potential family for a biracial (Anglo/African-American) baby girl due in two-and-a-half weeks. The mother has had quality prenatal care, which has identified that her fetus has a type of brain malformation (called "ventriculomegaly") that "may or may not" cause the child to have ongoing hydrocephalus and/or some level of neurological development issues. The specialist has stated that the finding is "somewhat concerning as it does represent an increased risk of mental retardation... ranging from almost normal to extremely impaired... facial structures appear to be normal... there is no evidence of cleft lip at this time." This will be a special needs case, and time is of the essence, as the mother is losing hope that there will be any family out there for her baby and the due date is imminent. If you or someone you know might be open to considering this little girl's case, please contact Angela Martinez, LMSW at 210/342-5683 at once. Thank you!

Oh, Susan... the sight of that gravestone, with the names of Adrian's birthdaughters on it, literally took my breath away. I am so very thankful for the effort you and Bill have made to honor your adoption relationships, in good times and in bad, and to extend compassion, love and support to your children's birthfamilies in all the tides of life. That, to me, is what openness is all about and I am unspeakably touched at what beauty has been borne of such great sorrow, because of it.

No, Susan, there is nothing in Abrazo nor Texas' homestudy requirements that precludes persons with disabilities from adopting if they are prepared to be good parents and meet all the other criteria. I have worked with an adopting couple in which one partner was blind, and that partner had a far more acute sense of hearing than I do! It was amazing... I could be on the phone long-distance with this individual yet if another staff member walked in my office during the call, this person could tell right away, even who it was! We have also worked in the past with several adopting parents who were paraplegic, who had M.S., and/or who were deaf (as well as other challenges). It can be more difficult for those with disabilities to get matched, since many prospective birthparents look for adopting families whose health is not an issue (just as adopting families primarily seek healthy children)... but nothing's impossible!

A Madison County attorney and his wife are suing the Lifelink adoption agency for nearly a million dollars, charging conspiracy in response to rising program costs in their efforts to adopt internationally: read the story here.

We too have a hard time imagining what it would be like to have to launch the journeys of all our new clientele without the benefit of orientation weekends, and we hope it doesn't come to that, because orientation is (for us) an essential component in getting to know "our people", building trust between clients and staff and forging allegiances within the community to provide needed support throughout the process, as well! Carine, there are a limited number of grant programs and a couple of adoption loan programs, and fortunately the tax credit was renewed, but you're right-- adoption is the investment of (and in) a lifetime and it does require a significant upfront investment, since genuinely-nonprofit agencies don't have the financial means to front all the revenue needed annually to enable quality adoptions to happen. We wish the agency had an independent funding source so that we could offer financial aid and/or not charge fees at all! But given the economy and the hit that nonprofit agencies have taken, that doesn't seem to be a likely prospect anytime soon, unless someone who's incredibly generous wins the lottery (and thensome) and makes it their life's mission to subsidize Abrazo's adoptions just because.

Due to the lack of completed inquiries and applications on file, we can't pull together another orientation until November 12, so it's looking like that will be the last orientation of this year. Unfortunately, we can't set the 2011 schedule in advance because paperwork seems to be coming in too slowly to be able to project when we'll have sufficient numbers of qualified applicants to attend, but we hope to be able to hold orientations at least on a quarterly basis next year. As essential as orientation weekends have been to the success of our program, it is unclear as to whether the current economy will enable us to continue that tradition, given the difficulty we've encountered pulling together adequate orientation groups in 2010.

This weekend, my boys and I were having one of those "heavy, deep and real" car conversations... I don't know what got them on the topic, but somehow, the fact that their parents' cumulative age is 102 led them to ask what they should do if they're ever at one parent's house or the other and they can't wake the respective parent up in the morning?! It got me thinking... while we had the "if anything ever happens to Mommy or Daddy, you call 911 and tell them your name and age and address and they'll make sure help gets to you" talk... I started wondering if there are certain life lessons that more "mature" parents need to focus on, since there's a reasonable likelihood that our kids could be parent-less by the time they reach our age?

Sadly, authorities in Arizona believe that they have located the skeletal remains of Sylar Newton, and that foul play was involved: Rest in Peace, Little Man.

Sad sorry out of Arizona, where Charity Newton, the Texas birthmom of a two-year-old named Syler Newton, gave him to a friend in Arizona who has reportedy "lost" the child in the wild during a camping trip: The Sad, Short Homelife of A Boy Named Syler. I'm not sayin' that every adoption has to be done through an adoption agency, but there IS a right way and a wrong way to go about placing a child for adoption, and handing your baby to a random friend (no matter how well you think you know them) may not be the safest route for you OR your child. Safe adoptions have transparency, which means there's a careful process of pre-adoption investigation and preparation, as well as legally-approved decision making and official paperwork involved. * Never have anyone else providing semi-permanent care of your child if they have not first passed a bonafide homestudy done by a licensed social worker who is continuing to supervise the placement afterwards for a pre-established period of time! * Know that if you are not legally surrendering all your parental rights, anyone you give your child to (whether or not you intend for them to keep your child) can NOT legally obtain necessary medical treatment for your little one even in case of emergency. * Understand that there is no such thing as "temporary adoption" and that even if you think (as Charity did) that the friend you are placing your child with will return him/her when you say you're ready, in most states, the caretaker of any child/ren left in their care can petition the court for permanent custody even without the birthparents' approval. * For all the paperwork and the costs and annoyance of doing an adoption through an agency or attorney, the extra effort will likely pay off in the future for you and your child/ren... better safe than sorry! If you are contemplating entrusting a child to a friend or family member, require that they obtain a full homestudy with criminal checks, FIRST. They should also pay for you to have legal representation AND pre/post adoption counseling, as well, so that all parties are protected. And as always, if you need the help of compassionate adoption professionals who may not tell you what you want to hear but will always shoot straight with you, we're here to help! Call us anytime: 1-800-454-5683 in Texas (210/342-5683 if you're calling from out of state.) We've got your back, and that of your child!

A thought-provoking piece from the New York Times, about the importance of words amidst the changes of adoption: LISTEN! (Text appears below in case in the link goes bad.) I have known Lorraine Dusky from many years of attending adoption conferences nationwide, and I am thankful Lorraine now has the positive relationship with her birthgranddaughter that she was, sadly, unable to achieve with the daughter she placed.

This irks me until no end!! I read stuff like this on the forum all the time too. Nobody ever says they hope things will turn around for the mothers that want to parent their children but are backed into placing them because of life's circumstances. Kinda a heavy flip side. First of all, I love to see you back on the Forum, Kristal... thank you for being here! It's by "hearing" each other's perspectives and exploring new ideas that each of us better formulates our own thoughts and opinions, so I truly appreciate what you are doing to help us all further explore this particular train of thought. Secondly, while I "get" what you're saying, I think the Forum (as with any adoption agency-sponsored website) is pretty obviously intended to be a means of support for those who view the adoption option as a blessing, whether they're expectant moms not ready for parenthood, or wannabe-parents hoping to adopt. (Or other folks, whose lives have been somehow touched by adoption in a positive way.) I have seen plenty of prayers around here, petitioning God to lend strength and discernment to those in need, regardless of the outcome. (But frankly, I also don't see alot of Forum prayers on behalf of those who decide to abort rather than place, or for those adopting parents whose trust in their child's birthparents has been violated in some way. Still, I don't expect to, because Abrazo's Forum may not be the most appropriate venue for those types of petitions in every instance.) However heartbroken some of our prospective adopters may be when an expectant mom with whom they were matched for months decides at the end to take her baby home from the hospital without being truly prepared to do so, you also never see any prayers beseeching God to make her change her mind-- even if perhaps some "should", perhaps (as suggested by the numbers of those babies that ultimately end up in the permanent care of Child Protective Services.) The Bible tells us there's a time and place for everything under the sun, and the Forum obviously cannot be everyone's time and place all the time. I think our community does periodically lift in pray those who elect to parent, as well as those who wish they could but have decided for themselves that they can't because of life's circumstances... still, Kristal: if you feel there are not enough of these prayer petitions being lifted around here, why not add some of your own, in a way that is genuinely prayerful? (Just a thought.)

There's a sad story out of my home state, Iowa, this week: Relatives Who Murdered Their Adopted Child Under Arrest. Little Collin and his brother were adopted by their aunt and uncle, after their biological mother was sent to prison on drug charges. That "safety plan," however, turned out to have tragic ramifications, as Collin was allegedly drowned in the bathtub of his adoptive parents' home. Both the adults who adopted him have been charged; his adoptive mom with first degree murder, and his adoptive dad with child endangerment. It seems, however, that other relatives had raised concerns with state child protection officials before Collin's unfortunate death: Grandmother of Murdered Child Says She Reported Her Own Son & Daughter Prior to Tragedy. Collin's brother and the couple's other three children are now all in state foster care. Collin's birthmother was permitted a furlough to be able to attend her son's funeral, although she remained shackled and under prison guard throughout the memorial service and burial. Rest in peace, little fellow... you're safe, now.

The adoptive parents of the late and troubled child star Gary Coleman are in the news lately, as they seek to uncover the truth of the in-home accident that reportedly precipitated his untimely passing: Gary Coleman Dead at 42. Despite a lawsuit Coleman had once filed against his parents, they say they'll always be proud of him: read story here.