ElizabethAnn

Just thought it might be nice to add a spot where our friends of the Jewish faith can share their tradition and the impact it has had in their journey to adoption and beyond! (My mother's family were Russian Jews but she did not grow up in the faith so what little I know of it I've gotten from her twin, a practicing Jew living in Hawaii who's become something a family legend over the years-- oy vey! Think Dame Edna in a mumu and toting a harp around!) And y'all wonder where I get it? (Sorry, Aunt Wendy!) So-- a variety of questions, just to get some dialogue rolling! What led you to consider using an adoption agency other than Jewish Family Services, which has been so prominent in the placement of children over the years? Does your temple do anything special to honor adoptive families? How did you explain your beliefs to birthparents of differing faiths, who wanted to know how you would raise your child? How did you handle the issue of circumcision vs. bris? What advice would you offer other Jewish couples just beginning the adoption process?

Besides, we ALL love Debra and Billy and want to know how they're doing at all times!

Here's a sweet story I just heard from one of our staff members who just got off the phone with a birthmom who's in the hospital, having recently delivered... she's been solid on the idea of adoption being the right plan for her baby's future, but when her dad came by the hospital to see his new grandson, he told her the baby was so beautiful, he just didn't see any way they could still go through with this. Well, the birthmom arranged for her parents to meet the adoptive couple she'd chosen; her dad ended up taking them out for supper; and this morning, he assured his daughter that she is making the right choice, because he now knows firsthand that his grandbaby is going to be in good hands.

Sending up a little prayer to heaven that your wish comes true!

Just wanted to post a word of welcome to prospective parents who may be cancer survivors!! You're not alone; Abrazo is proud to have placed with a number of folks over the years who have overcome not only infertility but cancer, too, and as long as your doctors can affirm that you should have a normal life expectancy in order to parent, we welcome your application. Because life holds no guarantees for any of us! And we know that. But there are children in need of loving homes, out there, and life holds no guarantees for them, either, so whatever we can do, together, to try to ensure them a brighter future; let us work towards that goal. (And who better than a survivor, to teach kids how to negotiate all of life's uncertainties and still stop and smell the flowers, along the way?!)

You and me, both! (And about 21 other waiting couples!)

If you're new around here and have been lurking, unsure of where (or whether) to post, take the plunge!! Here's your chance to tell the Forum family a little bit about who you are and where you're at in your journey to parenthood. Welcome!

ABSOLUTELY they do!!! Trust me, none of us are exempt!

Of COURSE you have the right to complain, Sabrina!!! Think about it: You didn't choose to be single. You did choose to be a mom. You don't choose to have your life complicated by broken lawnmowers and homes with peeling paint. You do choose to be a fun-loving and creative mother, regardless. You don't choose to have people whacking you over the head with reminders that "you signed up for this." You do choose two little boys for a hot Friday night date. You didn't choose to have the kind of job that leaves you drained and exhausted nearly every day. You do choose to be a magnificent teacher whose influence on her students' lives will be cherished long after the time that you retire. You didn't choose to whine. You chose to vent. You let it rip, girlfrient! without apologies, Ms. Thang! (not now or later!) Then go have a Cosmo and paint your toenails and chant three times: I AM THE QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!! Because if by some strange twist of fate you aren't... YOU OUGHTA BE!!!!

Welcome, and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!! We're so glad you've found the Forum and we hope you'll feel free to explore, post often and help us all better understand what adopted persons from years gone by have had to deal with, so we can all better appreciate the gifts that openness offers!

Good point, Kristal!!! Folks often come to the process with a "laundry list" of wanted traits but in the end, it's really the relationship between the parties-- the people factor-- that matters most (or should), because the "right" hair or skin color or genitalia or ethnicity doesn't make adoption right if the match is made for all the wrong reasons.

Okay-- for as many Forum members as we have, I KNOW you all have family members who have been touched by or concerned about or curious over the adoption process and what it means in the life of your family! SO LET'S HEAR FROM THEM! Grandparents-by-adoption! Grandmas and Grandpas To Be! What are your thoughts? What are your questions? What are you learning (or what have you learned) about this process we call open adoption? How can we help you help your current or future grandkids who were/will be adopted embrace all the wonderful parts of who they are?

Actually, I think that's a perfectly age-appropriate answer. (Good for you, Heidi!) The key, I think, is in understanding what it is children are asking and responding to that need without going overboard. Jean, if it comes up again (and it probably will), to answer that "Nathan has a father like everyone else but he lives in another town" might be enough to do the trick. (I know how those questions can come up so suddenly and catch us offguard... Christian asked me today, out of the blue, whether God is black or white. Where did that come from? I stole a quick answer from a book I read once, and said that I thought maybe God was the color of water. He then told me no, that God is white and Jesus is black, so I told him those were both good colors, and that God made everyone so whether they're black or white or any other color, He loves them all and so should we.) cdgni: typically, it can take a considerably longer period of time for single parents to place, simply because most birthparents ideally are seeking a two-parent home or use that as a rationalization for placement. (It helps a little if you are childless and don't express a gender preference.) However, many of our single parents have been more open to a wider range of possibilities in terms of race and age, and this tends to cut down the waiting time from a year or more to sometimes as little as a month or less! Best wishes in your journey... glad you've found your way to the Forum!

And you Abrazo clients make working in adoption a worthwhile experience!

I just remember him being the life of the party at our birthparent support group meetings every week... he became the "token good guy" for all the moms who'd been so hurt by the rejection and abandonment of the men in their lives. We often kidded him about being "one of the girls" because he was so comfortable in a room full of women, even though he was very much a guy's guy. We miss him, too, and have posted a special photo of him in the Gallery today, in honor of his birthday yesterday. It was taken at an orientation weekend, after he'd spoken on the panel and then went the extra mile to serve as "group photographer." His smile and energy surely lives on his kids, as well as in our memories. Rest in peace! Happy birthday, big guy!

Just think... this time tomorrow morning, we should just be wrapping up the Friday night session! (or starting to!) Rest up, y'all!! We've got a big weekend in store for you and you're going to wish you'd had a good long nap by Friday afternoon.

Yes and yes, but we love every minute of it! Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!

Confidentiality issues prohibit agency staff from routinely listing adoptive parent or birthparent names on the forum birth announcements or the photo gallery, unfortunately. Despite the fact that Abrazo advocates for openness, state standards still limit us (which is why clients may choose to update the "curious to know you" list but staffers do not.) So, it's up to each orientation group to help keep everybody in the know when another success story touches one of their own. (And as for Ashton, well, his parents were supposed to have been in the orientation group this weekend, but he happened first! Stay tuned for the rest of the story, which will probably appear on the forum this weekend, if his elated new parents can tear themselves away from him long enough to post it...!)

Thanks, osa25! We have gotten several calls of interest and passed the information along to the birthmom, but we'll give her your referral, as well, if the present inquiries don't work out for her. Abrazo is fortunate to have a large national network of colleagues and resources to call on, but obviously, we like to think that Abrazo's families are the very BEST choice! and in most cases, we dare to say, that's not just agency bias on our part.

Kudos to the Presbyterian Church, U.S.A.! Its new Geneva Press publication, entitled "The Baptism of Your Child: A Book for Presbyterian Families" by Carol A. Wehrheim, cites helpful and adoption-friendly suggestions for congregations such as "giving a first-year of life calendar when (a) child (is) born or adopted" and assigning a deacon to help provide nurture and care for families "when the pregnancy or pending adoption is known." "...Baptism symbolizes becoming part of another family, the family of God. The child now has the name "Christian" as well. The baptized child has been adopted into the covenant family of the church. And that is not only your congregation, or your denomination, but the church universal. Baptism is not into a denomination but into the church of Jesus Christ. Emphasizing the adoption into the family of God does not mean you relinquish your parental responsibilities for nurturing your child in the faith. However, it does mean that the congregation has important responsibilities, too, as you can see when you read the promises made by (each) congregation at a baptism." (pg 21)

We had a call this week from a single mother in north Texas who has been desperately searching for an agency that can help her find a loving family for her two (Anglo) children, a boy (age 11) and a girl (age 8). We told her that we do not have any families at present who are waiting for school-aged children, but that if we can find some, we'd be more than happy to help her... can anyone out there help us help them?

Also needed: a childless couple OR mixed race family with no more than one child already, for a darling five-month-old Anglo/African-American baby girl whose birthmom wishes to keep in touch, both for her sake and that of the sons she is continuing to parent on her own. (Bmom had planned to place this child at the time of the birth but was pressured by relatives to abandon the plan she now knows was surely the better choice for her daughter's future.) We salute her courage and her maturity, and hope to find her the kind of adoptive family who can wholeheartedly do the same!

Just thought it might be helpful to start a thread to explore ideas, issues and questions that interfaith families have faced, as they seek to establish a healthy religious foundation for their children. My mother's father was a Russian Jew, who married an Irish Catholic; their twin daughters later became a Catholic nun and a Presbyterian minister's wife, while their sons went Catholic and Unitarian. My father's family, staunch Germans, were part of the Christian Reformed Church and later became Presbyterians, the faith in which I grew up and to which I belong today. I wish I'd been raised with more awareness of the Jewish tradition, not because I would become practicing, but because I think it is my cultural legacy. I wonder if some adoptees feel a similar longing for exposure to their birthparents' backgrounds (religious or cultural)? I married a Catholic, thinking that because we worshipped the same God, love would resolve any faith-based conflicts we might have. But when I went through RCIA and joined his church, I found it very difficult to negotiate the intrinsic differences in doctrine between my religion and his, and this became a challenge, as well, when it came to our spiritual values in parenting. I'd read all the books on interfaith marriage before the wedding, but somehow, didn't anticipate the struggles I encountered in real life. I'm curious whether other folks have gone through this? and how they managed? I know it can work. It just didn't, for me, so I admire those who make a success of it.

Hi, Noah! Welcome to the Forum! Your mom and dad told us all about you when they came to Texas for orientation, so we know what a super kid you are and what a great brother you're going to be! I know that it's hard for even the grown-ups to wait patiently, not knowing exactly when that new baby is coming home, so it must be just as tough on brothers-to-be! but enjoy this time of having your parents all to yourself. (Tell 'em to raise your allowance, let you stay up late, and begin eating two desserts with every meal, because big brothers deserve extra cool privileges, you know!) And remember, even though it may seem like everything changes when that new brother or sister joins your family, your place in your parents' hearts is always the same, because you were their very first little guy, and you're special just because you're YOU!!! Looking forward to meeting you! Elizabeth & the Abrazo chicks

Just wanted to revive this topic for Robin (Diana's mom), and to welcome her to the Forum! We all know that the courage and strength of our birthmoms is also part of the loving legacy of the moms who raised them! Yet we know that this journey into adoption is painful for them both. Our mothers want to be supportive of their daughters, and as daughters, we want our moms to be proud of us, but placing a child for adoption is a sacrifice for both, and we all recognize that. So for any of our birthgrandmothers out there: please know that we're all here for you, too, if you need support, and we ask God to bless you, your son/daughter, and that special grandbaby-to-be! We're honored to have you as part of our Forum family.