Dale and Amanda

Laural, I'm very thankful that you posted that, because it really got me to thinking. I probably need to be more verbal to Arianna, because we just don't have the contact with D that we do with C, so it probably comes a little more natural to speak of C.

I think that this states my feelings perfectly! We are now a part of a larger family, and that is amazing! There are more people to love our girls. I guess it just seems to me that we talk about making positive changes, but we get stuck with keeping distinct words for separating the roles. Some kids have two father figures because of divorce and remarriage. Ours have them because of adoption!!! Why is it that society allows for that in divorce, but not adoption?

So happy for this precious little one and all of those that love him!!!

I think that part of my problem comes with some of the training we have had, and that our girls' adoption stories are their own, to share or not. They are free to do whatever, but I don't know that Nichole would be comfortable having me tell everyone her (birth) mom's name knowing how private she is. As much as Nichole takes after C, she may really value privacy and appreciate the fact that I have protected that for her. She may not care, but to me that is her story to share, not mine to broadcast everywhere. I speak positively about their choices for placement and only really discuss it much when someone gives it a negative spin. Again, I feel that it is my girls' story to share, not mine.

We haven't shared the names of our girls' moms with anyone. With C, I know she is so private and has kept the placement just between her and her son. Is it something that we should be sharing, or is that part of the girls' story that they can share if/when they are ready to? We talk about it between us (and tell the girls regularly that C and D love them, too!) but when I refer to those special ladies, I refer to them as their mom. Have I been making a poor decision up to this point?

Congratulations to the newest family of FOUR!!! Melanie, it will sink in soon that you have childREN!!!

Congratulations to all of those involved. Prayers for the newly formed family, and for the first mom for peace and joy during the stormy times.

Elizabeth, I think I am going to print this out and hang it on our fridge. I try to remember many of these things as the days go, but having a ready reminder (having the little ones I am in the kitchen several times a day for meals and snacks!!!) is just what I need. Thanks for posting this!

Holy Cow!!! I have been out of the loop! Congratulations to the newest family! Susan, it wasn't even a month ago that Heidi said that she felt it would be soon for you guys and look at your family now! Doing a MAJOR happy dance today!!!

There aren't many burning!

So happy for you all. So many prayers have been sent up for these families!!!

So happy for a blessed baby and newly expanded family!

Wahoo! Congratulations to the new family!

Thank everyone for replying to me. We just recieved our big application in the mail yesterday and we are so excited.We wanted to know how many trips that way we can plan accordinley.Keep the advice coming we need it since are so new to the Adoption process. You have come to the right place for advice! We are so very happy to share our experiences with others...but no two journeys are alike...so just know that none of us have experienced exactly what you will...and y ou will get to share your very special journey with your new forum family!!

Hi Alicia! As far as the adoption process visits go, I think as much as possible before and after placement. We only went for placement, as Nichole was a BOG and Nursery Note, so we had not formally entered Abrazo's program prior to that. We were there for just over a week and went back for finalization and we had a visit with Nichole's mom then. We have reservations at Camp Abrazo this year and plan to make a trip to see her mom then, too. It really depends on what your child's first parents are comfortable with, I think. Some would want a prior visit and contact, some not so much. I hope you find the answers you are looking for...and welcome to the forum!

Jason and Jen, one thing I forgot to mention is that we have no contact with our oldest daughter's family other than we send info to the agency and they forward it. I have very few details to share with Arianna when she begins to ask specific questions. If this situation continues we will just share with her that it is too difficult for D to share in her life and that we love her and pray for her and hope that maybe one day that pain will lessen and she will be in a place where she feels she can contact us. I did request some pictures and info in our last letter, but I haven't heard from her. I will send another set of pics soon along with a letter updating her on Arianna's life with us. We had one 10 minute conversation a month or so after placement and that has been it. It would be great for more one day, but all we can do is work on our end and hope for a change on hers in the future.

We had hoped for a relationship like many of our friends here on the forum have...true friendship. I do know that several of them have had years to develop it, but others are relatively new and still feel that tie. When we were in TX for the ICPC, C made it clear to me that she did not want to see us. We were able to meet when we went for finalization and spent a few hours together in our hotel room. We have plans to see them again this year when we go to Camp Abrazo this summer. We have phone calls every month or so. She answers if she wants to talk. If not, I leave a message that we are thinking of them and hope that things are going well for them. I still send pictures to her along with letters and cards. She has called us a few times if she hasn't taken my calls for a while. It isn't my ideal, but this isn't about me. It is about doing what I can to work with C to do what is best for Nichole. If I push, I believe that she might stop altogether. That is one of the things I admire about her...that she doesn't allow people to push her into something she doesn't want. I work within what is comfortable for C.

SO EXCITED!!!! So very many prayers went up for this special couple and this newly formed family. Thinking of the birth parents as well for peace and comfort in the trying times.

Wonderful!!!

Suzi, we had just started talking about number two (I think that is why you are already thinking about it...being such a planner!!!) two weeks before Nichole was born. We hadn't had time to even start the process, but there is no doubt in my mind that these two precious girls, even though they were born over a thousand miles apart, were meant to be sisters. I have mentioned this elsewhere, but Arianna would have been the youngest of five had her mom chosen to parent. She thrives and was absolutely meant to be a big sister. That could still have happened there, but our two girls are so great together! I believe that when you take placement again you will know that it is so right, just like you did with Collin. That will tell you how special his or her story is! I apologize if my prior post was curt. Both of our girls were BOG and were placed within days of our matching, so both of our girls were basically dropped in our laps...after 15 years of marriage!

Suzi, each adoption story is unique and special. Regardless of Collin's placement, if you decide to adopt again then you will have waited even longer for him or her. I'm very sorry that you dislike hearing about how babies "fall" into people's lives. Everyone's adoption story is special and wonderful, no matter how it happens.

Congratulations to the newley expanded family! Lofe those announcements!

Since this article is using the National Enquirer as its source...I don't care if they are planning to adopt, I would be more likely to think the opposite is true because they have the reputation for bizarre and completely untrue stories. I'm very grateful that my warts and all were looked at in context and in light of who I am now and how they helped me become a better person. If someone had only looked at my faults...I would never have become a mom!

Wonderful!

Elizabeth, I am so sorry for your family's loss. May God reveal His plan to you and I pray that it will provide you comfort and healing in the days and months to come.