Jenny, thanks for sharing your insights and experience. Your post was very touching.
I also think you are right on when you said:
I was thinking about that same thing just recently. A conversation had me thinking back to our fertility treatments and one time when my husband had to travel for a few days during my injections and I had to give them to myself. After about a half hour of reading and rereading the instructions, psyching myself up, etc, I plunged in the needle . . . and then so glad that I had done it, pulled it right back out without waiting the required few seconds and to my absolute horror, as I looked down, there came that medicine right back out. I about lost it. I was SO upset. I could hadly speak to Jim when he called that night, I was a blubbering mess and so emotional and just certain that my mistake was going to cost us yet another cycle. . . Well, we ended our treatments soon after. But just remembering that intense feeling of "this HAS to work" and putting so much into the process, we did lose touch a bit with the why. When we became PIW and were "expecting" it was so different - we could actually think about being PARENTS, not just getting pregnant - which had been our focus for far too long.
And yes, it seems too simple after all that stuff we went through, but it is true - when you put all that mess behind you you can see the happy ending to quest to be parents.
I'm just thinking "ADOPT...you'll be so happy and all your parenting dreams will be here".
But everyone has to reach that conclusion in their own time.