smarkum

Its been almost three months since Kristal placed Colby and she is still adjusting to the loss of her chance to parent him. As you know, if you follow the forum, Kristal placed Colby with the best AP ever. She still struggles with it. I offer advice, encouragement, a shoulder to cry on and an ear, but sometimes I am still at a loss as what to do to help her through this. I am hoping she gets into some counseling for her grief, there just are not alot of support groups out there for BP. A support group for someone who has suffered a loss, like death, is not really the right compromise. But its so hard for her. The one great thing in all of this is Angie and Wade. They are so open and willing to accept all of us. If it wasn't for them being as good as they are, I think we'd have to institutionalize Kristal. (Maybe that's a little excessive, but she'd be a basket case). If there are any other BGP (BirthGrandParents) out there who have made it through this, any advice would be welcomed.

Kristal has moved back home. It's crowded but we are doing well. She had school financing set up through the TRC before she left San Antonio. The TRC office here said that she has lost that financing because she moved back here, and will have to reapply. She may not qualify now because she is supported by us. If she is homeless, they will help her with school financing. Because she is supported by her parents, she may no longer qualify. I did not think that made alot of sense, but its a Govt. agency so why I thought it would make sense to anyone, I don't know! It may delay her starting school until summer semester but it gives her more time to get ready. Kristal has applied for a few clerks jobs at the prisons around us, so please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. It would mean alot for her to get a decent job where she can start pulling her life together. She is determined to do well though, and we are supporting her any way we can. She is a great girl. Thanks to everyone for the support that they show Kristal when she posts here on the forum. I was worried at first that her "in your face" style of saying it like it is would offend alot of people, but everyone seems to value her input. It really has been theraputic for her to be able to say what is on her mind and have positive responses. I really had no idea before how complex the emotional rollercoster would be when Kristal started this journey and this board has been so helpful to her and to me. It has also helped us see the AP's side of the situation. Thanks again! Sherri

Thanks for the welcome. We just got back Tuesday from a trip to see Colby, Angie, and the boys. It was a wonderful trip and Kristal and I had such a great time. Angie is WONDERFUL (and I don't say it because she reads the forum!)!!!! She has welcomed all of us into her family. The adoption process has been made so much easier for all of us because of Angie's willingness to communicate, and her not being closed off to us. Each time Kristal and I see her and Colby we come away more and more sure that this was the right decision to make for Colby. If she was not so open to us, we would still have many questions, so many doubts.

Hi. My name is Sherri (otherwise known as smarkum) and I am fairly new to Abrazo and the Forum. My daughter recently placed her son in an adoption that Abrazo was a part of. She was matched with the BEST adoptive parents ever. I expected that the adoption would not touch me very much because, after all, it was an open adoption. Boy, was I ever surprised! I was amazed at how much I cared for his new family and at how much I loved him! I did not have any knowledge about adoption before we started this process, and I still have a lot to learn. Some future grandparents might not really understand open adoptions, and they discourage their daughters from placing their babies, even when it might really be the best option. I think that may be caused by them not being involved enough in the process or not understanding enough of what is going on with the adoption. I had to research it to find out what was going to happen, and how this whole "open" thing worked. I also found that I was a lot more comfortable with this because the adoptive parents were so open and were very willing to let us be a part of his life. I added a whole new family to MY family when Colby was born, because his parents and brothers are family to us. I think its great!

I read this posting from cgrace and my heart just broke. I think Elizabeth hit the nail on the head about the BGM having past issues and problems. It is obvious that the relationship has not always been close, or the BP would have told her mom from the beginning what she was doing. After the blow-up, the BP most likely just wanted to "vent" to someone who would understand her pain and issues, and you obviously share a bond. I have found that most people don't know what to say or how to respond if you talk to them about adoption, so your BP called someone who does understand...You. Just be supportive of her. Either her mother will get over this, or she won't, but your BP has to take care of herself and her children and not torture herself for her mothers lack of caring, compassion, or understanding. I would give her a cooling off period before you attempt any contact yourself (through the letter). Honestly she may need six months to a year to get over her anger enough to (possibly) try to understand why her daughter did what she did. Maybe then she can see that the BP was making a choice that was best for her child, and not take it as a personal attack. Personally, I was appalled that your BP's mother put her through that. My daughter placed last month and she needed so much support to get through it. I couldn't imagine my child placing her child and dealing with it alone. If the BGM continues to be so angry and hateful, I think you all would be better leaving her out of your childs life until she can pull herself out of her cesspool of bitterness.

Yes, I have met the adoptive mother, and I really like her. I think she will be an excellent mother for my grandson. She is so excited and I am so excited for her.

My daughter got pregnant and contemplated abortion. She decided to give the baby up for adoption and I back her completely. She has grown up through all of this (she's just 19) and realizes she can barely take care of herself. I am proud of her for making the tough decision, because this is a huge sacrifice for her. Some people I work with are surprised because they think I should have decided to raise her baby. I explain to them that I had no interest in starting over, and with the open adoption, its not like the child will be out of our lives forever. I listen to my daughter talk about the adoptive mother and I find I really like what I hear. The adoptive mother longs for this baby and this baby deserves to be with someone who WANTS it and yearns to love it.