Lisa,
First of all best of luck with your second adoption. I can understand exactly where you are coming from and think it iss one of those situation where knowledge is not always power. I know for myself, I thought I did a good job educating myself on what to expect during the whole process but placement day and the days following where very hard for me. I had no idea how emotional it was going for me and how guilty how I would feel. I remember pulling away from Kristal's apartment with her in tears and I felt that I was going to loose it at any moment. It took everything I had to keep going and not turn back. I cried the entire ride to my mother-in-law's. I actually went straight to our church when I got back to town. I was so weak emotionally I needed help.
As for all the againers, I wish everyone good luck and can not wait to hear about your journeys. As for us, we do not plan to adopt again. Our three boys keep us very busy and frankly I do not think there is enough time in the a day for me to care for four. The door is closed for us but it not locked because who knows what the future holds.
Best of luck to everyone!!!