Stork Central
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It's a beautiful South Texas weekend, with blue skies, warm sunshine, chirping birds, and a gentle breeze to rustle the bluebonnets and other wild flowers starting to bloom along Texas' highways and byways. Two AbrazoChicks are out of town today, tending to the needs of a newly-delivered birthmom, her children, their new son/baby brother, and the adoptive couple they chose to parent him, members of Abrazo's 11/11 orientation, \\\\Team////. We celebrate the love that surrounds this precious newborn today, the time both families have taken to get to know each other, and the new beginnings being launched by today's entrustment. Blessings, all! Happy Spring!
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Abrazo was saddened today to learn of the untimely passing of another of our adoptive moms, whom our Memphis area folks may remember from regional reunions past.
Kay Knaff was a native New Yorker but went to Tulane for college, and married in Tennessee after earning her Master's degree from UT Memphis in 1990. She and her husband John had adopted two sons through Abrazo (in 1998 and 2001), having attended our Dooleys' Faithful Families orientation of 1997 and Twelve Couples & A Baby in 2000. They maintained loving open adoption relationships with both their sons' birthmothers, and it was their oldest son's birthmom who contacted Abrazo with the news today.
Kay was a licensed social worker, and was employed with a Methodist agency as an adoptions supervisor at the time of her death. She died of complications related to cystic fibrosis last Wednesday.
We lift John, Evan and Jake, Evan's birthmom Christina and Jake's birthmom Jennifer in our prayers as they grieve this great loss, and we thank God for the difference Kay made in their lives and in the world around her.
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Two days ago, a loving mother with her hands full and precious few resources checked into a hospital to birth a baby she knew she could not provide for-- however much her children may have wished she could bring him home.
She might initially have assumed her only available option would be a Baby Moses drop, since the hospital in her area has had such a high number of abandoned infants in recent months. A compassionate hospital social worker talked with her about her alternatives, however, and it was he who told her about Abrazo.
By the time her little one was born, Abrazo's staffers were already on their way across the state to be with her, to offer more options for her baby, and heartfelt support for her. After thinking through her decision and carefully reviewing profiles of Abrazo's waiting families, she chose the one her heart said "yes!" to-- Texas againers from Abrazo's Soiled Oats orientation of October, 2012.
Those againers were ready in every way to say "yes!" back, without deliberation, so they too leapt into action to be there for her and her tiny newborn. They joyously made life-changing plans with less than 24 hours notice-- and last-minute childcare arrangements for their precious Abrazotot, now a proud big sister!
Together, three devoted parents made decisions for their much-loved son's future, and today, we celebrate the homecoming of a beautiful boy who bears the name chosen for him by his two mothers... which, coincidentally, is the very name of the Israelite leader who succeeded Moses (and just happens to mean "God saves.")
We wish them every happiness in their lives together and we thank each of them for letting Abrazo be a part of this special miracle. Blessings, all!
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An adoptee's perspective on adoption fundraising:
http://www.laura-den...sary-spotlight/
(Text appears below, in case the link goes bad.)
Adoption Fundraising–Glossary Spotlight
I’ve avoided tackling this subject because I’ve been trying to develop a calm, logical reason as to why adoption fundraising is so “icky” … without playing the “you’re raising money to buy a child” card. So today, I will limit the snark in an effort to avoid alienating people who might be open to understanding my perspective.
Let’s all put on our thinking caps and our big-girl/big-boy underpants.
What is adoption fundraising?
It’s raising money (in increasingly creative ways) to afford the up-front costs of adopting a child, specifically an infant, domestically or internationally. Prospective adoptive parents are generally in need of $30,000-$50,000 in fees or travel costs. When adopting from the foster care system, fundraisers are often not needed because fees are nominal.
So what’s so icky about that?
Well, a clueless neighbor might later say to the adopted son, “Hey! I got a great record player at the garage sale for your adoption!” … Um? Ick. Devil’s advocate … Are people really that clueless? And if they are, does it actually scar the adoptee? What’s the big deal?
Blame the game, not the player
I want to remind my dear readers that I am an adoptee, in reunion and I love my adoptive family. I was adopted from a closed adoption system as an infant; and yes, my adoptive parents paid significant fees to get me. I don’t blame them, it was a different time, attitudes were different.
I blame the institution.
Because this is such a difficult subject, I also turned to the Lost Daughters bloggers, soliciting their opinions as adult adoptees. [Takes out magic wand, and waves dramatically.] I will now attempt to apply calm, rational arguments to a highly emotional subject.
Okay, okay, enough with the disclaimers get to the point already, Laura.
Adoption fundraising fuels a vicious cycle in a fraught institution.
Money should not be changing hands; because what happens is that the “best inventory” goes to the highest paying client. The moment you cap–or eliminate–fees, baby brokers and adoption agencies lose their financial incentive. Fewer adoptions happen, and fewer families are separated. I believe this is a good thing. I would like to see more families supported–emotionally and financially, and thereby preserved.
Fellow adoptee and adoptive parent, Rebecca Hawkes explains why those involved in adoption fundraising ought to rethink their stance:
We recognize that, in domestic infant adoption, at least, there are already far more hopeful adoptive parents than there are infants who are truly in need of homes. I can’t separate my reaction to adoption fundraising from all of this.
I can’t view the fundraising as contributing to the common good because I know too much about the whole picture of adoption.
I’m also aware that many mothers who relinquish do so from lack of support and resources; it’s problematic to me to think of giving money to one set of people (however nice and likable they may be) so they can acquire the child of someone else, who might very well have kept the child if they had the financial resources to do so.
Adoption fundraising feeds the beast.
Even if an agency is nonprofit, money changing hands in adoption sustains an industry that shouldn’t be there in the first place.
LD blogger Jenn, who blogs at Insert Bad Movie Title Here passed along this article about the large salaries and sketchy spending habits of executives of non-profit adoption agencies.
Adoption fundraising is a matter of misplaced priorities.
Amanda Woolston at The Declassified Adoptee had this to say:
"Some children do need a new home and adoptive parents do not set the fees. While adoptive parents do have influence and responsibilities to be ethical, the system structure is set by government and professionals who set these fees. We need to ask these entities, if a child truly needs a home, why set a catastrophic barrier to the tune of $50,000 in some cases for this to occur? Especially when we know from foster care adoptions that making it affordable to adopt increases the available homes for children.
"To me, not only does fundraising show the misplaced priorities, it shows more people aren’t questioning the system. I’ve received feedback over the years from some adoptive parents who don’t mind the fees because having more money pushes them ahead in the waiting list. If you can pay the fee, you get to adopt. If you cannot pay the fee, you cannot adopt. It gives someone who has more money, or who could raise the money, an edge on an otherwise enormous waiting list.
The system needs to change."
Yes, Amanda! The system needs to change.
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Parents-In-Waiting: please keep in mind that our agency's "financial stability" requirement does make it necessary for adopting parents to retain full personal responsibility for all escrow and fee payments for which they are contractually obligated. This means that Abrazo cannot accept financial nor legal responsibility for escrow fund and fee payments sent to the agency by persons or parties other than approved clients, under the directives of Abrazo's Board of Directors.
As a 501c3 charitable organization, Abrazo cannot document payments made by other persons or entities as "tax deductible contributions" if such are designated to the use or benefit or financial obligations of a specific adoptive couple. (Nor can adoptive parents consider the monetary gifts of others as part of their personal adoption investment when claiming the adoption tax credit.)
Our agency previously found itself in an ethical dilemma years ago when an adopting couple was discovered to have solicited adoption grants in excess of their actual adoption costs, in hopes of reaping the unneeded funds as part of their escrow refund after finalization. As a result of that experience, it was decided that adoptive parents receiving personal financial assistance from other persons, organizations or entities must have such funds remitted to them directly, to ensure that Abrazo is in no way liable for the acquisition or distribution of such "gifts," benefits or awards.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause, but Abrazo continues to do its best to keep its fees and costs affordable and to ensure that the adopting families granted acceptance have the necessary means (and fiscal responsibility) to not just adopt but to parent effectively for years to come.
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Abrazo was heartbroken today to learn of the death-- almost three years ago-- of one of our Abrazobabes placed in 1998, who died of pediatric leukemia:
http://www.aryaskids.org/about.html
http://www.northjers...er_gave_up.html
Sadly, the adoptive parents had not kept in touch with the birthfather nor the agency, so Arya's first father was devastated to find the obituary online (read it here), and Abrazo has precious few answers to give him as to why the agency did not know this before he did?
But we thank God for Arya's brief life and for the birthparents and adoptive parents whose respective sacrifices made it a presumably happy one. We lift Arya's two families in our thoughts and prayers and we honor Arya's memory today, even as we grieve this tragic news.
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Texas is getting an unwanted starring role in the continuing debates over the Russian adoption shutdown, as an Ector County adoptive couple is being accused in the tragic death of their three-year-old Russian-born adoptee:
http://www.huffingto..._n_2713295.html
Max, adopted along with a younger Russian boy by Alan & Laura Shatto in early November of 2012, died of unreported causes in January, 2013, just after his third birthday.
Holiday photos posted online by a relative showed Max with facial bruising and swelling, lacerations and subconjunctival hemorrhaging in both eyes.
Russian authorities allege that Max was being medicated by the adoptive mother with adult schizophrenic medication.
Reports allege that Texas' Child Protective Services was notified by Russian authorities. The Ector County sheriff's office reports that a criminal investigation is still ongoing and that no conclusions have been reached yet.
Rest in peace, sweet Maksim. Whatever happened... you're Home, now.
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No word yet on how this baby came about, but Steve Martin reportedly just became a father at the age of 67...
http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2013/02/13/welcome-to-parenthood-steve-martin/
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We appreciated the fact that when little Teleah was returned to her father last month, Sergeant Achlane had the grace to acknowledge that the adoptive family had loved her as he does and had done a good job of caring for her. Yet we know that they are now grieving the loss of her, just as he did, and that this child herself is having to endure great changes at a very young age, as well.
Teleah did not "ask" for any of this yet she is surely paying the price for the actions and choices of the adults around her, each of whom thinks they know what would be best for her. How do we help adoptees to find the "mighty hand of God" in all of this? (Or do we?)
Perhaps the best answers are to be found in the book of Job.... Or in the writings of Rabbi Harold Kushner ("When Bad Things Happen to Good People".) The God Who loves each of us truly wants the very best for us. And out of that love, God gives God's people autonomy and free will.
Yet when we find ourselves overwhelmed by challenges not of our choosing, it is God alone Who finds a way to bring redemption and joy out of some of the hardships and unimaginable sorrows that can befall us in this life.
We continue to pray for the healing of little Teleah and all who love her, as they adapt to all the changes that have come about.
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"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are!
Anything your heart desires will come to you.
If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme,
when you wish upon a star as dreamers do.
"Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
the sweet fulfillment of their secret longing.
Like a bolt out of the blue, Fate steps in and sees you through.
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true."
-- Leigh Harline & Ned Washington, for Disney's "Pinocchio"
Some people think happy endings happen only in fairy tales, but we know better.
Today, after months of waiting and wondering and hoping and dreaming (and fresh off of a Disney cruise with their small son), againers from Abrazo's Yukon If You Want To orientation of August 2012 truly did find their dreams coming true, as they took placement of a newborn baby girl.
Her first mom (a single parent who lost her own mother the day of the baby's birth) probably feels like anything but a princess right now. But in the hearts of her daughter's new parents-by-adoption, this birthmom will surely be afforded royal respect.
And their faithful commitment to keeping her connected with the child she has placed will one day give her the sense of safety one finds within well-built castle walls, and give the daughter they share the courage to reach for the stars.
We thank each of them for being the kind of loving parents this little girl so undoubtedly deserves, and we wish them continued dreams come true, in their future together. Blessings, all!
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This pastor is finding adoptee restoration to be her special area of ministry... Check out her site, here: http://www.adopteerestoration.com/p/my-perspective-on-adoption.html?m=1 then share your thoughts?
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"There will always be a reason why you meet people.
Either you need them to change your life
or you're the one that will change theirs."
-- Posted by an Abrazo birthmom online this week
One year ago, the lives of two couples changed forever, and today, the family that they became then has grown in the very sweetest of ways.
For today, the loving birthparents of a tot placed previously have made the selfless decision to send his newborn brother home with him and his parents, graduates of our Soiled Oats orientation of October 2012 who have forever changed the birthparents' lives by caring as they do.
Today, the grateful adoptive parents of these two precious sons are undoubtedly marveling at the fortuitous friendships that so changed their lives and made parents of them, after they'd endured the great sorrow of infertility and a failed adoption in another state.
And today, these two boys are blessed to be surrounded by four adoring parents, people who have made such an enduring commitment to enable them to always know from whence they come, so as to know where they're heading in life. They embody the best of each of their four parents, and the world will surely be all the better for it.
We celebrate the changes that both couples have brought about in the lives of the other... and especially, the gift of family that each has given these children.
Blessings, all!
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Sorry, Suzi. Here's the correct link:
http://earthstains.blogspot.com/2012/12/utah-coupleused-alleged-divine.html?m=1
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Jocelyn, it's not likely the NICU would welcome additional visitors for the baby at this point, since it's usually restricted when babies are in special care? but certainly, in time, it may be advisable for a visit to be arranged, and there are ways to implement controls that help everyone act appropriately.
Please keep in your thoughts and prayers another of Abrazo's families. The mom they are matched with has delivered and is under the constant watch of her father and her roommate, both of whom are trying fervently to prevent her from placing, despite the months she has spent putting this plan together.
We pray that God will grant her discernment and courage to do whatever truly is best for her baby, and that the prospective adoptive parents will find peace in knowing that they are where they are for reasons beyond those which we may know at this point, and if this is not meant to be their child, that the way will be made clear for them in time...
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This past Sunday was Epiphany. It's a day when Christians celebrate the visit of the Magi, those wise men who, after meeting the baby who changed everything, went home by a different path than the one originally intended.
And if you look up the definition of an "epiphany" in Wikipedia, here's what you get:
"... epiphany is the result of significant work on the part of the discoverer, and is only the satisfying result of a long process. The surprising and fulfilling feeling of epiphany is so surprising because one cannot predict when one's labor will bear fruit, and our subconscious can play a significant part in delivering the solution; and is fulfilling because it is a reward for a long period of effort."
Either way, it's an apt metaphor for this week, and especially for today's entrustment forever joining two families, for love of a child.
For the placement today would never have happened but for the fact that the adopting couple, graduates of Abrazo's BGE&S orientation of April, 2012, had the wisdom to come to the process by way of one adoption plan, but be willing to go home by way of another. Theirs was a long process and the ending is truly rewarding because of their long period of effort.
Yet the teen parents of their tiny new baby boy also had an epiphany, in which they found wisdom far beyond their age to make wise and discerning choices on behalf of the child they've borne. They came to this decision amidst great pressures, and they, too, will return home by another route than that which they may have originally thought, having found new significance along the way.
We celebrate the amazing new road on which this new, extended family now find themselves. We wish them a bright, shining star to light their way and to illuminate their future relationship, as well. Blessings, all!
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"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord God.
"I have plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future filled with hope."
-- Jeremiah 29:11
When they attended Abrazo's BGE&S orientation of April 2012, one then-childless couple of faith surely could not have imagined all the twists and turns their journey would take.
Yet God had big plans for them, and this included spending nine months truly living out their faith and relying heavily upon God's master plan.
"Feed my lambs," the Good Book says, and this they did, providing several months of support for a young mother and her children amidst desperate circumstances. That match did not end in placement, but ultimately, it did still impact each of them for good.
They prayed for a sign that they were really headed in the right direction, and another match came their way just this month. They bravely and willingly took a leap of faith, knowing it would likely last as long as their prior match (and likewise come with no guarantees.)
But another mother and child needed them more-- and sooner! So tonight, they became parents at last. Their precious, newborn daughter will undoubtedly fill their future with hope, as promised, and they will surely provide the same assurance for their baby girl as well as her birthmom and birthbrothers. We join in celebrating the family they have now become, and we praise God, from Whom all blessings truly do flow!
Happy New Year, indeed!
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RE: 2013 Fee Increases
After careful consideration of Abrazo's program costs and projected expenses, the ever-increasing costs of advertising and the changing technology, the following changes are necessarily being implemented for all clients receiving Abrazo placement program admission letters as of/after 1/1/13 (changes are in bold print):
Inquiry fee ($35): No change
Application fee ($150): No change
Orientation fee: ($299): No change, but all attendees must stay at the agency's host hotel at least one night.
MILAGROS (full-service) Program Fees:
Preplacement: $7750 / Postadoption: $7750
Designated Program Fees:
Preplacement: $5750 / Postadoption: $5750
PROMESA (Special Needs) Program Fee ($7500 total): No change
NOTE: healthy African-American infants will no longer be considered "special needs" placements.
Homestudy Audit/ICPC fee ($550): no change
Homestudy Fee ($1200): no change
Agency finalization service fee ($350): no change
Trip fee (currently $85 for all out-of-county staff travel): increases to $100 per out-of-county trip
Accounting research fee: $75 per hour or portion thereof: no change.
Post-placement supervisory visits: Abrazo can no longer waive the post-placement charge of $200 per in-office post-placement visits for out-of-state couples. We started writing these up "pro-bono" as a courtesy since out-of-state couples were already having to pay the homestudy audit/ICPC fee, but this is no longer possible, given that all in-state couples must pay for 5 post-placement visits now (as a result of licensing changes) and Licensing requires agencies to apply policies equally to all clientele.
Post-adoption service fees for those who did not adopt or place through Abrazo are still under consideration.
The fee increases cited above still distinguish Abrazo as the most economical adoption program in San Antonio. We regret the need to raise fees at all, because it is just as important to us as ever to ensure that adoption is affordable to all. However, we trust that our efforts to be conservative and to use good stewardship of our resources will enable us to continue to be effective in serving those who need us in the years to come.
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Abrazo was terribly saddened tonight to learn of the untimely passing of one of our adoptive mothers from 1995, Sharon Flowers, who died in her sleep recently. (Sharon was a Forum member from many years ago: http://abrazo.org/fo...hp?showuser=129) We extend our heartfelt sympathies to her husband Randy, who contacted us this evening, and their eldest son's birthmother, Melissa, with whom they've kept in touch, as well as the son they share, and the children unexpectedly born to Randy & Sharon after their adoption at Abrazo. We know there are losses here on earth for which there are no answers, but we draw strength from the certainty that earthly partings need never be final for them that believe in the Life Everlasting. We are thankful to have known Sharon and we offer prayers for her and her grieving family in this time of loss.
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All of Christendom celebrates, this night, the miraculous birth of a baby who changed the course of human history! And today, all of Abrazo also celebrates the foresight and grace of another teen mom, whose love for her newborn son has also made first-time parents of a remarkable childless couple from our Soiled Oats orientation weekend of October 2012. We wish each of them a very meaningful first Christmas together, many more shared holidays to come, and all good things in the year ahead. Blessings, all!
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Once upon a time there was a young mom in the Lone Star State who was small in stature but tall in courage, with a heart the size of Texas.
She was parenting two children already, on her own, when she learned that another child was on the way, something that had not been in her plans.
But a friend who had placed previously brought her to Abrazo, and it was here that she found one charming, last couple from our Gertrude & the Shark Tank orientation of August 2011.
That couple's homestudy addendum and their profile hadn't come in until earlier this year, delays that may have seemed frustrating at the time, but which virtually ensured they would be truly ready and available by fall, a true blessing for the young mom who just knew when she saw them that they were the perfect parents for the baby she was carrying.
And indeed, that young mom has proven to be the answer to their prayers, loyal and courageous angel that she is! She soldiered through an earlier-than-expected C-section all alone when her baby's chosen parents couldn't find a flight to get them here before the next day, and she never wavered in her plans, because she knew what she wanted for her newborn's future-- a plan that likewise enables her to pursue her goals and dreams for the children she is parenting, as well.
We wish this teeny tiny Texas-born baby girl the same sort of determination, grit and fortitude throughout her life, and we offer our heartfelt congratulations to all her parents as they encircle her with enough love to last a lifetime. Blessings, all!
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CHILDLESS COUPLES NEEDED! (Particularly Texans!)
It's a nice problem to have, but a problem nonetheless... Abrazo has gotten a number of calls lately from expectant parents wanting the baby they place to be a family's first! and a particular number of them are hoping to find childless couples across Texas, but as of today, Abrazo has only 3 homestudy-ready childless couples still waiting to match/place, and nice as they are, that's far too few to meet the varying needs and preferences of our prospective birthparent callers.
If you know of a great couple who would be an awesome choice for an open adoption, please send them our way! Our next scheduled orientation is in February 2013, but send 'em now and who knows? You could be the reason lives change for the better in 2013!
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Six weeks ago, they were just an eager childless couple attending Abrazo's SOILED OATS orientation weekend of October 2012.
They listened attentively, pondered thoughtfully, and made new friends, wondering how and when and where their prayers might be answered? God must have smiled, watching over them and knowing what an amazing turn of events their lives would take in a mere matter of weeks.
For God was also watching over a young Texas mother who'd been struggling to get by, raising small children and wondering when and how her life's load might get lighter? and in God's infinite wisdom, God used a small Texas agency to bring them together for the benefit of a precious baby girl, who hopefully will always know how very loved she is, by all.
We join three new parents in reveling over this child's "newly-expanded" circle of love and we wish them blessings, all, as we move into a season that's known for the celebration of God's amazing gifts. Blessings, everyone!
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What a joy it is when mothers find their way here to Abrazo because of the referrals of other birthmoms!
Another of our newest birthmoms (who recently joined the Forum) came to Abrazo because of the advice of a friend who had placed here, and although she did not feel ready to make an adoption plan at the time, she returned here this year and we're so thankful that she did...
We know an overjoyed husband and wife from Ohio whyo are undoubtedly grateful for that as well, because while the couple originally met each other in San Antonio, they probably never dreamed they'd start their family here.
Yet in April, 2012, they were one of the childless couples attending our BG&E's orientation weekend, having had found Abrazo online.
And today, just six months later and because of the wrenching courage and unselfishness of a determined young mother who puts her kids first, they have officially become the proud parents of a beautiful newborn baby boy!
We appreciate the faith that all of these dear folks have placed in our agency and we hope they'll all be back together at Camp Abrazo to show off their pride and joy. Blessings, all!
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PLEASE REMEMBER: all orientation attendees have a maximum of ten (10) days from the close of orientation to decide whether they are ready to activate their file and begin their journey by returning the contracts and funds (the escrow deposit and Pre-Adoption fee) OR if they wish to forfeit their place in the orientation class and consider other options (like exploring other programs, or converting to Abrazo's Designated Program, or attending another/future orientation weekend on a space-available basis, when they do feel fully-ready to proceed.) Abrazo is unable to make exceptions to this rule, as Licensing requires all Texas agencies to apply their policies equally to all clients. Thanks for your cooperation!
Financing An Adoption
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
We apologize for any inconvenience, but Abrazo does not have the capacity to accept credit card payments for services. The agency does, however, accept personal checks for most payments except for orientation fees paid within 2 weeks of a scheduled orientation event, when cashier's checks or money orders are requested instead). Wire transfers are also acceptable (and are required, following submission of checks for which insufficient funds are available.)