fran.c.didonato

Glad to hear the good news!

SO happy for you, Brent, Lynn, Caleb and Avery! and all those around you who love you all!! SO HAPPY!!

Welcome baby Amelia!! We open our arms to you in this Abrazo family. Many blessings to you and all those who love

Welcome Hannah and Max!! You are already much loved!!

Congratulations Jak & Tamara and baby Nehemiah! How wonderful. Thinking of you all in your first days as a new family.

Schlitterbahn's the best! Have fun

How exciting and fun! Congrats and welcome Baby Grant to the Abrazo Family!!

Praying for the little baby, the father, and other family members. May the child be surrounded by love.

Welcome Katie & Matt. You'll really love working with Abrazo!

Congratulations to all!!

Welcome to the Abrazo family Charlotte! Congrats to Tim and Leslie and Ellen and Sergio! What a wonderful match!!

Congratulations!!

Congrats Scott & Deb, Alex, and V!

Congratulations Chris & Judy!

Mandi--good point!

My ideal situation would be to have a life-long relationship with the birthmom (and birthdad if possible). One of the things that really attracts me to open adoption is having that relationship. I think about it from the perspective of the child, thinking about when they have questions that I can't answer and the pain that they will feel from being adopted. I think that having a long-standing relationship with their birthmom will help to heal that hole. One of my best friends from growing up was adopted from Guatemala. She does not know her birthparents and will never be able to find them because of how the system was back in the 70's. Her parents have been amazing but I know that she has had a lot of questions that can never be answered. She has traveled back to Guatemala many times and is now learning Spanish. It has been a healing process for her. So for me, having a real relationship (good and bad) with the brithmom would be ideal. I'd also like us to visit one another or video chat often enough that the relationship stays fresh. I don't really care the background that the birthmom comes from, just that she is open enough and strong enough to stay committed to the relationship. One thing that the orientation really pointed out for me is that the women I probably wouldn't have picked "on paper" were awesome in person and I could have a relationship with them. So I have had my mind broadened and am trying to stay as open as I can. If I could wave a magic wand and pick a birthmom, ideally I'd like her to be from San Antonio or close enough so that she could participate in the group sessions. I saw the strength that it provided the birthmoms on the panel at orientation. I think that there is a lot of healing that needs to happen probably at different points of the process for all those involved and the group seems like a very healthy way to address that healing for a birthmom. And of course I'd like us to have at least some things in common, like music or hobbies or other interests. That would help facilitate conversation over the long distance. I know I sound like a pollyanna here, but I would love it if the birthmom became an extension of our family. But this is all chemistry and timing and having had conversations with some birthmoms through this process, sometimes I think my expectations might be too high. But having been married 7 years and had the ups and downs that it brings, I know that Mark and I will be committed to the ups and downs that this process and these relationships bring as well. I guess the final thing I'd say is that I'd love it if our birthmom could match our sense of commitment to the child in terms of keeping and maintaining a relationship. Is that asking too much?

Thanks Karen!

We haven't had any outright opposition to adopting. My parents are very religious and think that adoption is wonderful, so when we told them, they were VERY happy for us. On the other hand, I had not been very open with my mother-in-law about our infertility issues because she has a big mouth and would tell everyone, which is exactly what happened, right around the time that we were starting with the adoption process. So when we finally told her we were adopting, she said "Good, now I have something to tell my friends!" Like our family situation was any of their business. She was oppositional in the sense that she and my father-in-law offered us money to pay for IVF but not for adoption. We never did IVF because the whole infertility process really messed with my body and I didn't want to go any further. But many friends said we should ask them for financial help with the adoption. I was very opposed to it because I felt that if they wanted to, they would have offered. It was Mark and my choice to chose adoption and we were going to make it work, no matter what. So I feel that although his family didn't show outright opposition, their offering for IVF and asking me whether or not I had gone to the doctor were passive aggressive ways to show that they wanted us to continue to try for biological children. Now they have come around and his mom is very anxious for us and really wants us to get a baby right away. I am the one that has to calm her down and tell her that its a process. My mother-in-law doesn't feel that you're a "real woman" unless you have children, so I guess she's eager for me to join the ranks! Ha!

Grace, I was thinking the same thing was I was reading through these posts--that you just have to be yourselves and that it is out of your control. It is encouraging to hear the perspective of all you birthmothers. It is really a case of clicking and I like to think of it as the baby having a say as well--they know from the interaction between the birthmothers and adoptive parents that that is the couple they want to be their parents. We've had a couple of conversations with different birthmoms so far and each one has been interested in different things. We had one in particular that I felt was just telling us what we wanted to hear and that didn't make me feel comfortable. Needless to say we didn't match. So we're open to having as open a relationship that living in another state will afford us and we hope to find the situation with a birthmom that allows us to expand our family not just with a baby but with a birthmom (and dad) and extended family. Fran & Mark

Congrats Jason and Kelli!

Congratulations Sherry & Michael and baby Mirabella!

My sister is in the foreign service and we Skype with them all the time. I echo Jocelyn's thoughts that it makes better connections. We have a wonderful relationship with our niece who is now 5. I'm hoping that we match with a birthmom/ birthdad that have access to technology. I think that it will really help with having an open relationship.