pjl

Oh, at just over 40, you should totally do it! No worries. I have a LOT of friends who had their first kids at 41, 42, 43. To me now, heading toward 50 all too rapidly, 40 seems so young. Just make sure that you all are taking good care of your bodies. There are no guarantees (life isn't like that), but I swear I see patients every day who are 10 years younger than me, and yet they have so many health problems brought on, to some extent, by poor health behaviors that they seem 10 years older than me! If you have kids late, it is super-important to try to be healthful because they are going to want you around for as long as possible, and you are going to want to see them grow into the beautiful people they will be, too.

Ooh, this is a tough issue. I find myself worrying about it more and more, actually. I sometimes even wonder if our adopting was ethical. But then, as an RN, I see a lot of crazy stuff. We once had a 28-year-old grandmother when I worked in labor and delivery. And just recently, we've had 3 patients in their 20s and 30s that I've worked with who have less than a year to live due to cervical cancer. In some ways, we have lived in an ideal time, too, in that, in the past, people regularly died of infectious diseases--you could have a 30-year-old dad die when you were 10 after something so seemingly "small" now, as the flu. These kinds of deaths happen less often now, but still I am sometimes struck by how difficult people's lives can be, and how quickly things can change. There are no guarantees for anybody, at any age. Of course, the chances are better for younger people . . . My dad was my age when I was born, so I just hope to keep on ticking along as long as he did. But, yes, it's difficult and scary.

Hey, Pete and Cari! Todd and Patty here. (I wish I knew how to work private conversations on this thing.) At any rate, I hope you all are doing well. Are you matched yet? Remember, the majority of births are now "minority" births. (Does that even make sense??) No matter where you are, you should be able to hook into a local community. It's a lot of fun!

Congratulations! We hope you have as much fun as we are having .

We have friends that use Skype to have their 2 year old keep in touch with his grandparents. For those who don't know, it's freely downloadable software where you can use the camera on your computer (laptop, pad, whatever) and internet connection to have free video phone chats with anybody else connected in a similar way. They say their son really 'gets it', knows who he's talking to, and looks forward to the interaction. Our adopted son Alex is just 2 months old and we've used Skype to talk to my parents, and it went great! The quality isn't super great, but it's such a difference to talk while they can see our little man in our arms. We also 'skyped' on Christmas day when my brother's family and my uncle were visiting my parents. Perhaps too much of crowd on their end, but still it worked great. We're hoping to use this to keep my family more much in touch. It's not completely trivial to set up, but it's pretty easy. (If my parents could do it, it's got to be pretty easy.) There are also other options out there for doing the same thing. Our birthmom is local so we wouldn't need to use it for that, but it's possible that it might work for some others. Check it out!

I think it is important to keep in mind any other siblings involved. Some first parents will want a lot of contact between other siblings and the baby placed for adoption, while others might not. So, a desire for sibling contact might also affect your decision about where you want a baby to be geographically in relation to you. And, of course, if you want the children to have contact, it's important that both families are on the same page about that. (I would think anyone interested in open adoption would be open to sibling contact, but I suppose it's something to be sure of before you place an infant. Sometimes the things I think are natural turn out not to be.)