Runyan2002

Welcome to the forum Pam and Chris!! You are in for the ride of your lives!! These ladies (every one of them) ROCK!

I think most everyone goes to orientation feeling that way. They are hesitant about this "open adoption" concept. We were! It wasn't until the research we did...and then talked to people on every side of the triad in another forum. I started to associate "birthparent" with an actual person. Both of us had to let go of sterotypes that we had in our head, and it seemed like the more we learned the less scared we became. Ignorance is what led us to fear. The main thing I had to overcome is my OWN insecurities. I didn't want my child to know another mom because I didn't want "competition". I wanted to be thier one and only. It was me who was insecure about my place in my child's life, which isn't fair for my child. It's a reality check I think a lot of adoptive parents in closed adoption used to go through when thier child started reunion. The nice thing with open adoption is, you do this BEFORE the child is in your home, so it's not a burden on them. Now that we are living two very different open adoptions, I wouldn't do it any other way. One takes harder work than the other...but both are so worth it. Don't let fears stand in your way!! Learn and learn and learn some more!!

Laurel - It is nuts just how much more work two are than one. I was ready for it...but then again are ever FULLY ready for it? How old are your kids? Cooper is 16 months & with a newborn...he doesn't always understands he needs to wait on something. I have had to teach Cooper & myself that he can sit BESIDE momma...not always ON momma. It's amazing how hard it is to get anything done. There is absolutely ZERO down time!! I will say though that Cooper L O V E S his little brother. When he cries Cooper RUSHES to him & says bubba over and over then tries to give him his pacifier LOL. The days I feel the most overwhelmed i just watch Cooper kiss Christopher for the millionith time & it hits me how beautiful this is & the interaction. Christopher is a doll baby...we love every piece of him, and he is SUCH a good baby. It's harder though with two because some days I feel like i have less time for Christopher to just sit and hold him. KWIM? I LOVE my sling for this very reason. Any tips you've gotten so far? Natalie

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Here's to an amazing start to becoming a family of four!! Enjoy the journey!!!!

I think these grandparents are doing what any grandparents would do. It's so sad though...do they have no idea at all what happened to this child? Natalie

Thank you so much everyone!!! Our baby boy is absolutely amazing...a FANTASTIC baby (shhh it's our first night so don't want to jinx it)! We just got home FINALLY in Dallas & all children are sleeping (still amazing I have childREN!) We love all of you & thank you so much for your support! What a wild, amazing, wonderful ride!

Thanks everyone! We are completely stoked. Application has arrived & we are going to orientation TOMORROW! I still can't believe it. I have to bring Cooper to my mom's for the weekend...which will mean meeting her halfway three hours from here in OKC, but she is so excited to have him & he loves them. This is actually the longest I have left him....but the good news is we'll be busy so won't have that much time to think about it. lol Thank you everyone for your support throughout the process thus far! Natalie

Okay it's a GOOO!!! My hubby laughed at me...he's so used to my "last minute" stuff. I don't know why I always tend to be that way... Anyways, I'm sending that puppy in first thing in the morning (I KNEW I shoud have made Keith sign those papers last night), and we are off! Reservations at hotel...check! Travel...well we're driving so CHECK! Cooper Arrangements...CHECK! Now it's figuring out what to pack...hmmm....maybe in honor of my last minute rush I should come in with my shirt inside out, jeans backward, and mismatched shoes...nah I would blend in too much with all the other mom's!! Susan - that is one GREAT shool photo!! Cooper always looks mischievious in his photos...maybe it's because I can see right through his little crooked smile and gleam in his eyes..... Natalie

With the power vested in me by Abrazo's Board of Directors, I will officially waive the agency's requirement that you be 25 years of age in order to submit your application, if it means we have a young couple with your wisdom and grace to add to our special needs program in the ten day file activation period following your attendance at next weekend's orientation!! How's that for being flexible to the needs of our clientele? Holy Moly!!! Okay so I'm freaking out right now...I have to call my dh and make sure he can get off early Friday (just so happens I am off that day...coincidence or fate? LOL). I also have to make arrangements for Cooper, though with my parents I'm sure this won't be hard. OMG Should I overnight my application? Okay...waiting extrememly unpatiently for a return call from the hubby. HELLO?? This is WAY more important than the extremely important huge job he has to have out in an hour. GEESH! LOL Natalie P.s. Thank you for your compliments!!

So why not send that application in and join us for orientation next weekend!?! You'll be in good company, with four other already-parenting couples, and we're just 5 hours down Interstate 35! Come on down! You'll be glad you did! LOL You better bet your bottom I would but I am waiting for my stinkin 25th Birthday May 31. Who'd of ever thought that I couldn't WAIT to be older?? So I have 22 days (give and take ha ha) to send this puppy in. Of course, my friends my take that long to send in thier letters! (HA, just kidding, hopefully). Natalie

MOOOOM!! My application is taunting me!!!!! Okay so there in my computer room (let's call it an office so we sound classier) is my application folder. All filled out. Everything done. All the checkmarks checked. And the end of May is going by SLOOOWER and slower (though I always feel busy and rushed....why is that?) Soooo it waits....everything but a few signatures & a stamp, but it's nice to think I'm done with the first part. We are still trying to decide on if we are going to orientation (we are doing the promesa program so it's optional), I REALLY want to but the next one isn't until July...and then it's only for childless couples so who knows. Funny...my dh and I were looking at baby pictures and videos of Cooper...he turned to me and went "Okay now I want another one...I'm getting excited." LOL Of course he already told me he wanted another one a while ago after we talked about it but he likes to pretend he's not as excited as me....but he is! Men...I swear I can see right through him ! So who else is waiting & sending thier application right now?

Second, if you believe in the Sovereignty of God, even the time that it took for you to actually trust God was ultimately part of His plan for you. So to me, that isn't sad at all, it was just part of His timing. (Not an easy part, but still part.) I understand what you meant, I just wanted to give you another way of looking at it. Awww thanks Julie!!

This part stood directly out for me. I can not agree with it any more. The more our infertility became a reality, the more i could hear God calling me to Transracial Adoption. The more I did to fulfill our adoption, the more the world, finally, became at peace for me. It felt more right than when we first started trying biologically....for one of the first times in my life I felt like I was being carried...I FELT God's call and his hands leading me. Don't get me wrong....it still is a grief process, infertility, to me. I still at times pang for the experience of pregnancy. But, these times are very few and far between and virtually non existant now that Cooper is here. I think now, going through everything and looking back, I can see God's hands working through my life...through all my tears during infertility I can see him trying to whisper to me "I have a bigger plan for you, please trust in Me." It is sad that it took that long for me trust God & his timing...but now I do completely and Thank Him for that. I think in Adoption we have to trust in God...because there is no growing belly to see God's work...we constantly have to trust that things won't just fall apart, we have no choice but to put it completely in God's hands or go insane with stress. Maybe that is why I said a total of 12 rosaries on the way to pick up our son Cooper (I still have the rosary bead bracelet that I used that my grandma gave me in his momento box) If you know what a rosary is you know how crazy I was with stress...LOL Many times through the process I thought to myself "Turn this stress over to God...TRUST in God, Trust that he will be sure everything will turn out the way intended." Funny though...I could pratically feel someone lifting something off of me every time....prayer is a beautiful thing!

I completely agree!! My little sister (who has cerebal palsy & was adopted from the state @ 9 months) is not only the greatest addition to our family...I believe she transformed our family, made us who we were. Gifts like racial / handicap equality kind of thinking are just that...gifts in this society. That being said, it truley takes a unique person to parent a child who is handicapped, it takes a lifetime committment & isn't always easy. Side note - we went to my little sister's prom (she is 17) at her school (which is specifically for handicapped kids) a couple of weekend's ago. They like for the brothers and sisters to come because they can dance with the kids that go there...so it isn't just filled with mom's and dad's to dance with KWIM? Anyways, it was so amazing. They had a red carpet and each person got to walk down it as they called thier name and all the families clapped (like a regular prom...or at least in my hometown), thier faces lit up...they were all decked out in prom dresses and tuxes. Then to see them dance....if you know a handicapped person (not all...as some have sensitivity to loud music, etc) well you know how most LOVE to dance. This is when they can just wiggle around and clap and sing and just be crazy...let it all go and be themselves!! They had so much fun. My little sister is in a wheelchair along with a few other kids, well we were swinging that wheel chair around in circles and back and forth...my goodness I don't think she stopped smiling and laughing and screaming ONCE!! (you should see her at our family weddings LOL we all get around in a circle as my brother spins her around). It was a glorious night and I was so thankful they did that for these kids!!!

But is this always a good thing and something that should be encouraged? Shouldn't we give them the resources & education neccessary to realize why this isn't accepted? I understand that it's nice to have a say in adoption, that with adoption, it does come with the added benefit of being able to choose. But if adoption is for the child, doesn't that child have the RIGHT to have parents that are 100% comfortable with ALL thier races that make them who they are? I don't think that we should MAKE all potential aparents be open to EVERY race (though that would be amazing...but not possible...I mean what does race matter anyways? The child isn't going to be your exact match anyways...so does it really matter HOW they are different? I degress...) But as transracial parent, I understand it isn't for everyone. But with not allowing "1/2 or 1/4 or 1/8 or 1/90 (lol)" this is just saying "You are either open to a race completely, or not at all". I think that would make aparents THINK about why they aren't open to a child of a FULL race. Make them truley ponder about what makes them so uncomfortable with it and why. I know for my dh, he was just open to biracial when he first opened up to AA race, I told him no way no how. That if he wasn't open to full AA then we aren't open to AA at all. There is no in between, either you are comfortable with raising a child of AA heritage or your aren't. He took time to think about it and he made a complete 180...it wasn't pretty finding those inner racist feelings that society puts in us. But really what the heck does it matter if the child is part white anyways? Does that make them LESS black or LESS white? Not in my opinion...it just adds another race to thier "mix-up". It's like having two grandma's or one. Do you say "this is my half grandma"? Just thinking out loud on a very slow work day...LOL

The best advice i would give is to call Abrazo and talk to them...or send in an initial inquiry. I know they have limited space for people with children already. Good luck!!

So for all those againers...did you wait to do your homestudy update until you were aware of placement?

*forcefully uncramping hand from tight fist* So I'm about 3/4 of the way done with the inquiry. LOL!! I have been taking my time....but still...that "why adopt" question still gets me (even after doing this once before!!) I'm going to try to finish the inquiry then work on all the additionals (W2's, health insuranc, etc etc). This is more fun for me now considering I am more patient!! I love that we aren't rushed (since we have another month....which to me, who likes to get everything done in an hour, isn't rushed). We are still trying to decide if we are gong to orientation....we would love to go but are not sure we can afford it....though we could just drive....but plus June's is for only childless couples. I do have a question....if I have references....can I use a couple that we are friends with as two references? I'm having a little trouble with the third reference as we really haven't known a third couple very long (or very well). Is it okay to use references who you have known about a year? Other than that...I'm really getting excited about going through everything again. Funny...I thought I would be scared....and NOT looking forward to it because of the emotions...but I am!! how CRAzy am I??? Maybe it will hit me once we send off this inquiry..... How is everyone else doing?

Well I've just now found yet another reason why I want to adopt through Abrazo. I am SO proud of your agency for doing this, it's not about money, or wait time. Wow...just...wow. Shame on the caller, but LEAD THE WAY Abrazo!!!!

Just think your half way to 50. At least that's what others teased me about when I was 25. Heather LOL!! Okay well thanks for the downer there! HA! I am getting pampered by my girlfriend for my bday because she knows we are looking to adopt after it! She has two kids so she tells me to live it up with just one because the REAL fun begins with two! LOL Jen - Hello!! It's fun for me to see other couples who are our age adopting! Mainly because of all the looks of awe we get from others when they know our age (not to mention the "just-a-little-too-obnoxious" comments from some about how "we should live OUR lives first before kids"...which is exactly what we are doing BY having kids!!!). We are also old souls...it's just a maturity thing and every person hits a part of thier lives at different ages. Part of what I love about humanity is the diversity!! Angela - Oh my am I not envious about that part of your job. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to tell an adoptive couple "No for now". I think it's great that you are fueled, not by greed (like some agencies who take on anyone if they get thier check in the mail) but for the greater good for everyone involved. Of course...I believe sometimes this is God's way of opening a person's heart to someone they may not have been open to. As for us, well...I decided that until we officially join Abrazo, I am going to enjoy my time with being just "three" for now. I think God puts speed bumps in my path many times as a way of (sometimes not so gently) telling me to slow down for just a little...and usually it turns out just perfect, so I trust Him. Adopting our son has made it much easier to see how God works in His time, and the beauty that he has in store for us. I know that our little son/daughter needs us to wait for now....and I will. Meanwhile...did anyone do anything to prepare for having two versus one? I find myself being SO excited but then a little part of me is scared...will it be too much? Will it make me too busy for my kids?

Erin & James - I felt the same when we first started looking into adoption at the age of 23. We were turned away by multiple agencies. Just know that the right agency IS out there...and that there is a higher power that is leading you there. It still stings though...so don't feel bad about venting. It's just hard to start over huh?

I second what Karen said. Adoption in general makes you realize so much about yourself as an individual. Between overcoming your own stereotypes & insecurities, there is so much emotion there. I'm SO glad of the training and research I did before adoption, especially boards like these, where I could hear from bparents, adoptees, and other aparents. As far as the race preference goes...I must ask you to challenge yourself as to why you are open to biracial but not full AA children. I don't mean to pose this in a judging way believe me. I just would want you to look within yourself and ask yourself that question. Biracial children will have the same racial outlook for most of society as full AA children (and sometimes it's harder) and most of the time (in my personal experience) they look AA or biracial, so most of the "racism" you would face with a full AA child you will with a biracial. Anyways, not meaning to pry...I just have been there with my dh (who felt this way until I posed the same question on him). Also, I would also caution you to be open to only what you are comfortable with. Don't be open to biracial if you or your spouse would see it as "worst case". I cannot diminish the face that there will be certain aspects of your parenting and everyday life that will forever be different when you become a transracial family. I see them as blessings, but I know many people who just aren't comfortable with it and the attention that transracial families recieve everyday, everywhere they go. It's better to be honest now than regret it later. As far as the open adoption goes, I too think it's a very natural process. The more research you do, the more aware you become of some of your own insecurities which will need to be overcome for your child's sake. Once you research more you will likely see what I did, which is how important open adoption is TO THE ADOPTEE! It's not about the bparent, or aparents for me (even though I believe everyone does benefit) it's about the child. YES open adoption is harder for all involved at times, but it's worth it because it is for the child. You will also find that in the research you do, that you aren't expected to NOT have certain feelings (jealousy, etc) with the bparents...you do have these and a lot of the times you can't help it. What they do is prepare you to KNOW what you are feeling, being able to recognize it, so you know how to deal with it. Anyways, I wish you luck!! Open adoption is such a NEW thing to much of the society, it's hard to imagine it working (especially with all those Lifetime movies)...but it can work and does (for most)!

Erin - I'm so sorry about that. I wonder if they have too many couples already with children? As much as it stinks, I like the fact that agencies like Abrazo "cut off" the number of aparents after so many, just so that they don't get overrun and the wait becomes that much longer for the people in the book KWIM? It is STILL hard though!! We are open to all races, and have a child, but are having to wait until I turn 25 (end of May). So, even though it's not a big deal, and with our recent move is actually kind of nice to be able to relax...it still stinks. Well I forgot to send in our picture with our inquiry, so I did that last week (hopefully they didn't all gasp in horror LMAO). I'm not sure if they are going to wait until after I turn 25 to send back the full application, or do it now. I would love for them to do it now so that we can take our time filling it out then send it back after I turn 25. Funny...most people sorta get sad at 25 because they are "halfway through thier twenties" as a friend of mine said. I can not WAIT because then we will be on our road to another baby!! Natalie

Funny I was just talking to my friend about this the other day. The one thing that irritates me the MOST is when I tell people my son and they say "what a great thing you did". I get this when they see he is black too. It's really irritating and I have actually told people that "To tell you the truth it's not what I did but what his birthparents did, because honestly they could have parented him and they would have been GREAT parents. They chose to adopt not because they couldn't provide for him but because they couldn't provide (IN THIER OPINION) everything THEY wanted for him." I also get really upset when they say "it's for the best" when they hear we haven't heard from his bmom in a while. NO IT'S NOT!!! Besides, how do YOU know, you don't even KNOW them!! I bet if you placed a child for adoption you might take a couple of years to get your feelings in order also. Funny how the little things sting with language. Some birthmothers prefer first mother, some natural mother. I for one, dispise the "natural mother" term. I would love for everyone to just be called Mother but it takes a lot to get to that place for aparents (and I will admit some days it stings). I actually don't think I could have gotten to that place had we had contact with his bfamily since he was tiny. Sometimes it takes people dissappearing from our lives to realize how important they are. Not that I think I'm not "enough" for my son...but I just WANT that for him (and for us). Okay...obviously I have too much time on my hands at work. Natalie

Thanks!! So far, we have had good responses. But it helps that the toys are good quality (and educational...something that you can't find just anywhere in todays cheap over-stimulating stores). I do feel like this takes work...I have to plan the parties, put the orders in, show the stuff, learn about it, etc etc. The only reason I don't feel bad about doing this is that I can bring Cooper with me (although I might now if my dh can watch him) so I don't feel like I'm neglecting him during that time. Plus I don't feel as guilty asking my friends to buy toys (something every parent likes to do) rather than makeup or something. Hopefully this will be fun for me (though I have to tell myself not to spend my earnings on toys for Cooper! LOL The whole money thing just stinks, but it's worse when you have a child because you don't want to stop doing everything all of a sudden (like the little extras). Natalie