bmom2nickngrace

Congrats Ben and Lisa!

Congrats!!!!!

Congrats!!!

Congrats

Congrats to the new family of four!!!!!

Congrats!!!!!!!!!

Congrats Kay and Darren!

Congrats to the new family!!

CONGRATS!!!

Congrats to the new family!

CONGRATS!!!!

Congrats!!!

Congrats!!! Can't wait to see another picture of the beautiful Baby!!

Congrats!!!

Congrats Brian and Cathy!!!!

Congrats!!

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CONGRATS!!

Congrats!!

Congrats!!!

My mistake is not making Katy sleep in her own bed. From the minute she was released from NICU she was sleeping the same bed with me or she was sleeping in the bed with her brother. She is almost 5 years old and guess where she sleeps?? Still in the bed with me. For the last couple of months we have been laying down with her in her bed and when she is asleep getitng up and going to my bed. Every night around 100am she comes crawling into our bed. Most of the time we know when she comes in but sometimes we dont. I know that I should get up and take her back to her bed but I do not want to get up so I just slide over and to sleep we go. A few months back my mother in law and I were having a discussion about getting katy to sleep in her own room and she told me that maybe we should buy her a new bed and let her pick it out and maybe she will sleep in her own room. Well a few weeks after that we went to San Antonio and we stopped at Rooms To Go Kids and we looking around. She found this bed that she really loved ..its a ned in the shape of Cinderella's carriage. She kept telling us I want this bed and I will sleep in it ...I promise. Well the bed was 500.00 and we did not have the money at that time to purchase it and told her that we would get it for her birthday this year. So last week I told her that her birthday was getting closer and she was getting closer to getting her Cinderella Bed. All of the sudden she tells me I do not want a new bed. I asked her why. She told me that she would have to sleep in her own room and she was going to sleep with mommy and daddy forever. I would really love her to have this bed but I do not see the point in getting it if she doesnt want to sleep in her room. This is MY BIGGEST MISTAKE. I know that I have made others but wish that i would have never started this. When my 6 month old niece is here spending the night because my mother in law needs a break I put her in the moses basket because I do not want to start another habit. I told my mother in law that she needs to get a pack and play ready because she is getting way to big for the basket because she would not be sleeping in my bed.

Congrats to the new family!!!!!!!!!!

I will tell a little of my story here about pregnancy denial and the denial of the kids. When I got pregnant with Nicholas I was 17 and my grandparents were raising my other son. When I found out I was pregnant I did not know that what I was going to do. Shortly after finding out I was pregnant I contacted Abrazo. We waited a few months beause I was early in my pregnancy to match me with families. I chose one family and was upfront and honest with them at our meeting that I planned on hiding this pregnancy from my entire family because I knew that they would not support my decision on the adoption. After the meeting they called me and told me that they decided not to match with me because I was not going to tell my family and they were not comfortable with that. So I took it upon myself that I was going to convince the next adoptive family that I had told my family and they were supporting me and that is exactly what I done. Several months maybe several several months after Nicholas' birth I told the adoptive family that my family did not have any clue about Nicholas and I wanted to keep it that way. They told me that they knew that and I was not as smart as I thought I was and they respected my wishes and we kept it a "secret". When I found out that I was pregnant with Grace and we decided that we were going to place her for adoption I decided that I was not going to my family either. I told Grace's adoptive mom from the begining and she accepted it and we never talked about it. Fast forward several years....Randy would always hold the adoptions over my head. Anytime that he would argue he would tell me that he was going to tell my family about Nicholas and Grace. He was thinking that they would not support me anymore that they would hate me for life and that this would be the easiest way to get them out of my life. I would always beg and plead like I was pleading for my life for him not to tell them . I just did not know how my family was going to react. He knew or he thought the he knew how they would react. Well in December of 2001 Randy and I got into a major fight and I was going to leave him so I called my grandparents to come "rescue" me. Well when they got there we were still fighting and all ym grandparents wanted me to do was get mine and Tanners things and to leave. Randy pulls out the scrapbook of Nicholas and Grace and tells my grandparents that what he was holding in his hands would make them hate me forever. I was tired of him holding it over my head and I told him to hand the book over and let them see and that I was not going to hide it anymore. Well what did he do..He put the book up and told them not to worry about it . So he was to scared to give it to them and I had worreid all these years. Well now they wre questioning me and I felt that it was time that I came clean. I went and go the scrapbooks which also had copies of the relinquishment papers that we signed and handed them to my grandparents and went and locked myself in the bathroom for them to find out. They were both upset and crying and wanting to talk to me about it. That night we sat there and talked and talked and talked about the adoptions. Of course they were old and did not understand the contact that I had with them. So since they were confused I picked up the phone and dialed Nicholas' mom and handed my grandmother the phone. I know it was not right to put both of them on the spot but thats what I did. I went home with them that night . They told me that they were very upset that I hid it from them but it was in the past and nothing that they or I could do about it and that they would just accept the fact and move on and have has much communication with NIcholas and Grace as possible. We were all glad that Randy had nothing to "hold over my head" because everything was out in the open. About a year later we told my 2 uncles who I was very close with as well because my grandparents knew my life was not that stable and that they were not going to be living that much longer and they wanted Nicholas and Grace to be able to find me if they lost contact. So this was a good idea. They do not really talk with me that much about it and they understand now. My extended family knew nothing about the adoption until May 2005 when my grandfather passed away. On his tombstone he wanted the names of all his grandkids and Nicholas and Grace's name went on it even though he never met them and lots of the extended family was wondering who they were . It was not a time to talk about it but I think that most of them now know. I will tell anyone and everyone that I know that hiding my pregnancy and hiding Nicholas and Grace from my family for years was the HARDEST thing that I ever done! If I had it to do all over again I would do things all different. Nicholas and Grace are often brought up our conversations now and it is totally stress free. I could not imagine to this day about them not knowing about the adoption. They would have found out sooner or later and I am glad that they found out when they did and not when we divorced! OK this turned out to be a really long post....gotta get to bed !!