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tksimmons02

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Posts posted by tksimmons02

  3. Celebrity Adoptions

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I read an article this weekend about Queen Latifah adopting domestically through the foster care system. She said she understood that people adopted internationally because in the US birthparents have 3 years to change their minds, but she felt like there were plenty of kids at home that needed a second chance too. I applaud her efforts, however, I am a little worried about the statement that parental rights are not terminated for THREE YEARS. What state is she adopting from? I hope this doesn't discourage other adoptive parents from seeking domestic adoptions.

  5. When To Say When?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    Beautiful post Jenny. Thanks for sharing your heartbreaking experience with us. I look forward to following your journey to expand your family!

    I agree with Mary Helen. We all reach that point to end fertility treatments in our own times. Some of us go much further than others, and that's OK. If you stop before your ready you will always wonder "what if..."

  7. Church Membership

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    Wow Linda. So many changes in such a short time span. I don't know if I can answer your questions, but maybe I can help a little. I would not allow anyone to pressure you right now about membership. If they try, explain that you are experiencing a great personal upheaval just now and can't commit to anything. If that isn't good enough for them, perhaps that is not the right place for you.

    Church attendance is a very personal thing. It seems like you know the good and bad parts of all three churches you are currently attending. If you feel comfortable where you are, I would stick with it. I would, however, investigate doctrinal issues. You may find that the Methodist church believe and practice things that you are uncomfortable with (I have friends who were raised Baptist, then married Methodist men, and subsequently had to do some real soul searching before finding a church home).

    It would be a shame to commit to this new church and then find out you had some conflicting ideologies (such as who can practice communion, what is baptism for, how is baptism performed, etc.). If you are comfortable with the answers you receive to these questions then the churches are on an equal playing field. If not, at least you can narrow the field of potential churches.

    Divorce is a terrible thing. You and your family are in such turmoil right now, I hate to see church be part of that turmoil. Church should be your shelter in the storm. Find somewhere that is YOUR shelter. Your daughter will find friends wherever you chose. You need to look out for yourself right now. If you have a warm, supportive group of friends somewhere, stick with them. I have found that when I can't carry a heavy load, I look to my friends to help me.

    I was a Baptist as a teenager and my husband was raised Church of Christ. When we married we visited congregations of both denominations, and investigated both the Methodist church and Presbyterian Church too. We eventually joined the Church of Christ because we felt most connected with the people there. A church is made up of the people that attend there. If there are no doctrinal problems, then feel free to worship where you best fit in. Our church has been through many changes in the last 9 years, but we have stuck with it because of our social support network there. They have brought us through a lot of storms in our lives.

    I also think God honors your search. He will guide you to where you can best be served for now, and where you can best serve later. I am thankful that you are looking for churches and not giving up all together.

    I am so sorry for your situation. I will pray for your family right now. Not just for the divorce, but also in this new search for a church home.

    Blessings to you,

    Tina

  8. Domestic Adoption Is Alive & Well!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    We were warned about this when we were investigating international adoption. One agency warned us that they advised all their parents to take at least $10,000 as a "bribe" to get the child they wanted. They told us that the same pictures were sent out to several different parents and the "highest" bidder won the children. We left that agency and didn't return!

    We are so THANKFUL for ABRAZO!!!

  14. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    but I just wonder, why is it that adoptive parents can't have the same degree of faith as parents who give birth do? Why can't we just assume that our case will bring us blessings, in whatever different ways they come? Is it to do with the birthparent factor - or what is it exactly that prohibits us from just holding on to our faith that it will all work out and whatever challenges that case may bring us, will not be too great for us to overcome? Do we underestimate ourselves and our strength and ability to grow and adapt? Or is it that we have choices that parents who give birth don't? If they were presented with the "cases" that we are presented with, would they just say, "any case will do" or would they find themselves asking questions of one another that they would never otherwise ask and making decisions that they otherwise would never have to make?

    Just something that I find curious????

    Lisa

    I think I should clarify here that I did NOT mean I wanted to know the future of the child's health. I have total faith that God provided the child that we were meant to parent, no matter what. There are no guarantees in life and that includes parenting. I don't have any problem with that aspect of the adoption story. The questions related to the adoption were a difficult aspect of our adoption journey for me. I didn't WANT to make all these choices. Biological parents don't get asked what kind of child they give birth to, and I didn't want to make those choices either. What agency, International/domestic, Race, Gender, Mental disabilities, Physical Disabilities, drug use, alcohol use, contested placement, etc. were all questions we had to answer before we could even finish our homestudy. I wanted to make decisions on a case by case basis, depending on my relationship with the birthmother. Thankfully, Jay is much better at setting limits than I am or we never would have finished our homestudy.

    I want to know what was in the case as far as birthparents go. I want to know WHO the right match was and WHEN it was coming. I HATED the not knowing part of the adoption story. I agonize to see friends go through disrupted matches and or long waits. I wish there was a magic ball that would reveal the right match and the timing of it. It would certainly stop a lot of heartache.

  15. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I see your point Elizabeth. The thing I hate about that game (and the adoption game, for that matter) is that no one (other than God) knows what is in your own case. It would be so much easier if you just knew what you were holding before deciding how to play! (Can you tell I HATE surprises?) :P:P

  16. When To Say When?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    It stretches the very limits of human imagination, but American doctors have announced they are preparing to begin transplanting the uteruses of dead women into reproductively-impaired, would-be mothers, for an estimated cost of $500,000 per patient. Here's How.

    Do the benefits of experiencing pregnancy outweigh the risks and costs, in your view? Why or why not?

    I have given this question a lot of thought lately. We did not have a good experience in our fertility quest. I'm not sure our dr. did much more than try to make money off of us (he suggested IVF at our first visit even though we are both relatively young and there is no biological explaination for our infertility). Anyway, we didn't do much in way of treatments because of his callous attitude.

    Recently we went to dinner with some friends that also struggled with infertility and subsequently gave birth to two healthy children. They had a different dr. and a much different experience. They were very encouraging to us to go and see their dr. and felt sure that he would be more helpful than our last. Although we are THRILLED with our choice to adopt, sometimes we wonder about #2 so we did think about seeking this dr.'s help (they assured us that there were LOTS of low-tech ways to assist pregnancy that we had never even heard of).

    I read this article after our dinner. After a lot of soul searching, I just don't think the costs outway the risks. I think there is a reason we are unable to conceive and we should just respect the divine intervention and move on. I don't feel like risking my own life would be worth the chance of bringing a life related to mine into the world. I would love to experience a pregnancy, but not at the incredible risks mentioned in some of the treatments available.

    We could not love our daughter anymore than we do. I don't dream of what my biological children would look like (I don't really care). I can't even get inventive and wonder what kind of personalities our biological children would have because I just don't know.

    For us, we are finished with fertility stuff. We are thrilled with the life the Lord has granted us. When we are ready for #2, he or she will find their way to us just like our daughter did. We have trust in His sovereignty and grace.

    I worry about the developments in reproductive technology that seem to put women's very lives at risk. I think there should be LOTS of counceling involved before, after, and during the treatments to help women make the best decisions they can.

  18. Baby Announcements 2007

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by tksimmons02

    Welcome Newest Tot!

    Tom and Kathy, we have been on pins and needles for TWO days!!

    ELATED does NOT cover it! We are overjoyed by the arrival of your little one! Can't wait to meet both your girls in person!

    Hugs,

    Jay, Tina, and Makenzie

  23. Financing An Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    The San Antonio Express-News today ran a story about The Costs of Adopting. (I've already fired off a letter to the editor objecting to the claim that international adoption is more popular because it usually happens quicker... go figure! Tell that to the thousands of applicants whose international adoption dreams get held up each year by frequently-changing laws in other countries-- like Romania, Bulgaria, Russia, Guatamala, etc.) :o

    Obviously, they talked to the wrong San Antonio based adoption agency!

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