linlacor

I hope you get some good feedback from people on your post under Rainbow families (I'm sure you will). As I mentioned, we live in Washington state and there are a HUGE number of International adoptions done here - so although we have a very small Hispanic population - I would say we have a very large International population here (and it's also a much, much, much more liberal state than Texas is) so at least here, blended families (I guess that's the term?) never even get a second glance (just to give you an idea of how liberal & open-minded it is here - in our Seattle Child Magazine - there is usually a thing in there from the Lesbian & Gay parenting association who has a weekly playgroup for children and their parents. It's really a great place for many reasons (I love living here) but especially from the perspective that it doesn't matter how "different" your family looks - noone thinks anything about it or says anything about it - which I'm sure makes life much easier on the children of non-traditional families and children with parents who are a different color/heritage than them.

I think it's been about 25 years since I had a pair of skates on - I don't have high expectations - I'm hoping the stroller will brace me - if nothing else, will provide a good laugh for my friends - (who also ALMOST talked me into doing this triathlon in August (4 mile run, 1/4 mile swim, & 14 mile bike ride).....hello - I'm like 80+ pounds overweight - do NOT exercise (hence, the conversation last night about me doing the triathlon with them - I mentioned that I think if I had a "goal" to work toward, like a 5K or 10K or climbing a mountain or something that I'd be much more motivated to get into shape and exercise...that exercising for the sake of exercising is just really not something I can get motivated to do (not that I don't want to get fit/lose weight - but I keep procrastinating)...anyway - one of my friends is quite the optimist and had me convinced I could do this with them - no big deal (6 weeks away) - I would do it but since I'll be in Texas for the next 3 1/2 weeks (leaving me only a couple of weeks to prepare for it and I'd be starting at ground zero) - I opted to wait this one out (or am I just making excuses? I like to think I'm just being realistic) Anyway - sorry Sammy for digressing so much on your post - guess I should have messaged Christina rather than putting all this here... Okay - last post today (or at least this morning) - must go get ready for Roller Stroller. Lisa ps hope you feel better soon Christina - being sick is a bummer - I got some mess about 2 weeks ago and still have a cough that is lingering (but at least I feel good - I hate feeling sick - no time for that, ya know?)

Christina - on me being up too early....my darling sweet princess decided 3:30am was an appropriate time to wake up today - she laid in bed with me for an hour kicking me and squealing in delight because the kitty cats thought it was great fun for someone to be up at that time of the morning and were doing all sorts of jumping tricks on and off the bed (Lance moved to a different bed after being kicked the 10th or 15th time - we lost count) (she started off in her bed but when she woke up, I moved her in the bed with us). Finally, around 4:30 - she decided it was time to get Mommy out of bed so she opened our door and took off running down the hall saying "Mom" over and over again. We're going to "Roller Stroller" today with some friends (my first time - this skating rink nearby has this thing where from 10:30 - 12:30pm on Mondays & Tuesdays the rink is only open to those pushing a stroller - and they play music from the 80s & 90s - my friends said it's a blast (& pretty funny too!) and talked me into it last night at our "Mom's Night Out" thing I arranged at a teahouse (which was lots of fun!). Anyway - I'm thinking I won't be "rolling" too well today - I'm beat! Kayleigh on the other hand fell asleep promptly upon going downstairs so she's had a nice little 2 hour nap and is ready for the day. Aahhh......motherhood! (But I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!!!)

Wow Christina - lots of really great info - I hadn't realized much of that with regard to your case. Thanks for posting your personal experience as well - I know when I first started reading the forum (before we even contacted Abrazo) - those personal experience posts about what really happens were gold to me - those were the ones I liked the best. Two big things I wanted to know - how much will this cost and how long will it take. Christina's post reminded me of a few things I left out in my posts (can you believe after my rambling and rambling and rambling novels that I omitted something?) Kayleigh's adoption was also on the high end of what an adoption through Abrazo typically costs (mainly because it was a private pay case (i.e. no insurance, no medicaid). Kayleigh's time in the NICU was no small thing either. Anyway, my point to this part is just to emphasize to you to understand from your insurance company at what point insurance coverage kicks in for your baby - what triggers that. In Christina's case - it was 2 days before placement (how wonderful!). In our case, it didn't kick in until placement - so we were responsible for Kayleigh's hospital bills from 12/5 - 12/8 (I believe Kayleigh was admitted to the NICU on 12/6 - just to give you an idea of what NICU runs per day - Kayleigh was relatively healthy compared to the other babies in there, requiring just some antibiotics - she had a couple of CAT Scans and she may have had an MRI (all of that is so minor compared to what most babies in NICU are going through). Anyway, her NICU stay was over $1000 per day - I don't remember exactly but it seems like her NICU/medical bills were in the range of $5000 (including our co-pays after insurance kicked in but before amazing Kelly negotiated them down for us as well (for which among so many other things that I'll forever be grateful (this is the kind of thing I'm meaning when I say just how wonderful and how amazing and how much integrity Abrazo has - they make no guarantees about the outcome but they give 200% effort to ensure that everyone's best interests are looked after)). And about having the funds in an easily accessible account - you're right on with that Christina. Fortunately, our $$ was in a Money Market account so it was really easy to transfer it to our checking account to cover the check we gave Abrazo at the time of Kayleigh's placement (the way it works is you give Abrazo a check for 50% of their fee (so roughly $4750) within xx? days after you finish the Orientation (so - if you have doubts about whether to do this or not, resolve them before you attend Orientation because once you attend Orientation, you're either in or out - Orientation is a big step - it's not just something you do to gather more information - attending Orientation means you're basically ready and willing to commit to this - it's better to hold off on going to Orientation if you're not sure and go to one when you're 100% ready) - then, upon placement - you will need to provide Abrazo with another check for the other half of their fee (as well as a check to cover whatever they've estimated the case-specific costs are that you haven't already covered). So - be ready and be prepared with what you expect your adoption will cost because I'm telling you, when that call comes - you DO NOT want to be worrying about how to pay for it - you have too many other things on your mind to be concerned with that (and that's a pretty big concern for someone to have at that time)...so, another thing to be sure to take care of when going through your check-list of being ready. -Lisa

Hi Sammy, You're very welcome and thanks so much!! As for trips to Texas - you'll need to plan a minimum of 3 trips to Texas - one to Orientation, one to meet and bring your baby home (which you'll need to allow at least 7 - 10 days in Texas in order for ICPC to clear (if you're not famililar with ICPC, let me know and I can explain that too - it's a mandatory thing required in every state - Abrazo has no control over that - it's called Interstate Compact) and another to finalize your adoption - which generally happens about 7 - 8 months after you bring your baby home (could happen as soon as 6 months after you bring your baby home but generally, it's about 7 months - we took placement on 12/9/02 and we finalized 7/25/03. I'm about 99.9% positive that you are required to finalize in the state of Texas and you will need to be present (but double check with Abrazo on that). I live in Washington state and that is not a requirement here - my friends I've met who are adoptive parents who have adopted in Washington state (and I believe in Oregon it's the same as well), they finalize over the telephone most of the time - and, they're able to finalize much sooner than you're able to finalize in Texas - most have finalized within 3 months of bringing home their babies (but that's a state thing - not an agency/adoption attorney thing - Texas state law requires that the baby live with you for 6 months before you're eligible to finalize the adoption). As for whether you travel to Texas to meet your birthparents before they give birth - that's an individual thing that you and the birthparents agree upon - I think it's recommended that you do - just so that the first time you ever meet each other in person doesn't happen when they give birth to the baby and you fly in to adopt the baby. Now, with a BOG case, it's a different story - because the baby is already born, the first time you meet the birthparents (if they're open to meeting you which the majority are - ours wasn't but that's a real exception) is when you fly in to take placement, etc. Hopefully some other out of state parents will post their experiences on how many trips they took to Texas from the time they began the process until the time they finalized. Back on the ICPC thing - while it's nice to have your husband there the entire time you're waiting to leave the state with your baby, it's not required that he's there the entire time. He will need to be there to sign the initial paperwork (when you take placement of your baby) but after that, he can fly home if he needs to (and mine did - he had to go back to work because we'd just returned from a 2 week vacation about a week prior to getting the call on Kayleigh and unfortunately, he couldn't be gone any more from work and we didn't know how long we would be there because Kayleigh was in the NICU and we didn't know when she'd get discharged. So - Lance flew to Texas (Austin) on 12/7/02 (a Saturday), we took placement of Kayleigh on 12/9/02 (a Monday) and he flew back to Seattle on Tuesday, the 10th of December. At some point, we began to have indications that Kayleigh would be discharged from the hospital around 12/19 or 12/20 & we felt that ICPC would clear around that time so we made flight arrangements to fly back to Seattle for 12/24/02 - knowing that we may have to change them (delay them and take the risk of losing $$ spent on the tickets or a change fee) if anything went wrong (i.e. Kayleigh had to stay in the hospital longer or ICPC took longer to clear) (and I can't remember all the details now on how/why we did this). We made plans for Lance to fly back to Texas (Dallas - where my mom lives) on 12/19, he arrived late that night and rented a car and drove to Austin the next day (bright and early) on the 20th and Kayleigh was discharged from the hospital on the 20th in the afternoon then we all 3 drove back to Dallas that day and stayed at my mom's house until 12/24. Although my husband's schedule isn't quite as inflexible as your husband's - it is a pretty darn inflexible schedule (work) and just doing what he did took a lot of coordinating on his part, bringing his laptop with him on the trips, having conference calls while he was in Austin and Dallas (he even had to have one on the day we took placement of her) - it was really tough for him to be away as much as he was and compared to a lot of dads, he really didn't spend that much time with us during all that (not that he didn't want to - but at the same time, he has a responsibility also to his job and has many people depending on him for things so...such is life...the Monday after Christmas, he was back at work - never was able to take paternity leave or anything. Anyway - I would say that the amount of time my husband was with us and the trips he took and length of them was probably the bare minimum. Unfortunately, there are just so many unknowns with everything - especially with an out of state adoption....it's just really, really, really hard to plan anything. I mean, I can't tell you how many stories I've read on here where people were matched with a birthmother, she went into labor, they flew to Texas to be there, etc - and it ended up being false contractions or something and she didn't go into real labor until a week or 2 weeks later but since they were there and they knew it would be soon - they stayed and waited it out. ICPC can't be filed until after the baby is born (I can't remember if they have to wait until after the birthmother relinquishes her rights or not) and you absolutely, can not leave the state until after you get the go ahead that ICPC has cleared (leaving the state with baby is illegal and you can get in mucho mucho trouble - including having the adoption revoked - it is not something you want to take lightly...you must stay in the state of Texas until it's cleared. Also, because ICPC is handled by the state you live in and the state of Texas - it's impossible to determine how long that will take - it could take on average about 7 - 10 days (our ICPC cleared on the day Kayleigh was discharged from the hospital on 12/20) but it's taken as long as 30 days. So, what I'm trying to say is that you really need to be prepared to be really flexible on the travel thing and the length of time you'll be gone - Abrazo may be able to work with you on some things but there are just some things that are really out of their control and are really just left to fate on how it turns out (another delay could be that a birthmother may need more time to relinquish her rights to her baby - and she can take as long as she wants - she can't relinquish her rights until at least 48 hours after giving birth but she doesn't have to do it 48 hours later - she can do it whenever she feels is the right time. I believe the majority do it at the end of that 48 hour waiting period but I'm sure there are some who wait longer (the reason ours happened 4 days after Kayleigh's birth rather than 2 days after Kayleigh's birth had to do with the day of the week - something about the social worker at the hospital didn't work on weekends or something so our relinquishment had to happen on a Monday - and it did, the 9th was a Monday. There are a couple of physicans that were in our Orientation (the husband & wife were both physicians) - they post on here occasionally - I'm not sure how they handled the absence from their work - of course, both were out of medical school and not trying to deal with that...so it may have been easier for them. Probably not exactly the answers you were looking for - again, these are just my opinions and thoughts - you may get a different (better) answer from Abrazo if you discuss with them but I kind of think it will be something similar (but maybe they've had experience with someone in your situation). Keep the questions coming - I'll be glad to help answer whatever ones I can and I'm sure others will do the same. Lisa

Hi Sammy, Glad to hear you've been able to navigate all the posts on here fairly well and it sounds like you've been able to gather lots of information so far. Anyway - I think your concern (and my apologies for speaking on behalf of so many but hopefully I'm not way off base here) is extremely common (the financial aspect of it - especially when you've gone through expensive infertility treatments like IVF (we did 2 unsuccessful IVF attempts that were not covered by insurance). I know for us (and for most, if not all, of the people in our Orientation (we attended the August 2002 Orientation after sending in our inquiry & application in July 2002 - we adopted our daughter Kayleigh in December 2002 (she is full anglo (Caucasian) b.t.w.) - it was a HUGE concern and for my husband - it was something that he really struggled with and took a huge leap of faith that it would work out at my insistence. I guess the biggest question we had was like yours - because of the structure of Abrazo's full-service adoption program (where you pay them an agency fee of $xx (whatever it is now - it's on Abrazo's website somewhere - I think it's around $9500 - $10K) plus you're also responsible for any case specific costs (Texas approved maternity & medical related expenses, travel expenses, legal fees, etc) what if a birthmother changed her mind at some point after we matched - we could be looking at being out of pocket quite a bit more than we had in our budget for an adoption and then if it happened a second time and a third - what if we ended up in a situation whereby we had no money left to complete an adoption. That was of huge concern to us - that we'd spend $20K - $30K and still be no further along than we were when we started and then we wouldn't have any funds left to do an adoption somewhere else. One of the reasons this was such a concern of ours (other than the obvious) was that something like that had actually happened to a guy I worked with and his wife - they had worked with 2 different agencies and hadn't been matched with a birthmother and had been waiting for years and walked away after several years of waiting from both agencies being out of pocket something around $10K - $20K (can't remember exactly). (The 3rd agency he worked with resulted in a baby girl for them). Anyway - we envisioned these worst case scenarios but went ahead and like I said, took a leap of faith despite how risky this all sounded on paper. I had heard raving things about Abrazo from a friend of my mom's daughter who had successfully adopted their son through Abrazo a couple of years before we found Abrazo (she referred us there). She said it was a very reputable agency - very wonderful to work with, etc etc etc (her only advice - once you start your journey with them - get ready because you will "get that call" before you know it (she got her call just a few weeks after leaving Orientation and hadn't bought anything for her baby to be). So - we went to Orientation - asked many questions about the financial side of things and various scenarios - and our understanding was (of course, the best source of information is Abrazo themself - this is totally just based on what I recall from Orientation which was about 2 years ago) was that if you unmatch with a birthmother that you will be out whatever $$ you paid toward case-specific costs (but not the agency fee - that stays on account with Abrazo for as long as you are a client of theirs working toward the adoption) because those are costs that have already been spent (for example - if you paid $300 for doctor visits for her, Abrazo has already paid the doctor's office and there is no way to re-coup that). Ultimately, we felt that things would work out - even if we had a disrupted match or disrupted adoption - it's not like we would walk away without a baby having paid enormous amonts of money. We did not experience a disrupted match or disrupted adoption - the overall (including our travel, hotel, etc) cost of Kayleigh's adoption was surprisingly around the amount we had budgeted - I will also say that as concerned as we were with whether or not we would be able to afford everything for the adoption - once we got the call about Kayleigh - there was nothing that would have kept me from proceeding with her adoption - especially nothing financial. When we received the call (Kayleigh's case was what Abrazo refers to as a B.O.G. (Baby on the ground - meaning her birthmother hadn't made an adoption plan for her and Kayleigh was born and ready to be adopted), we were told up front by Abrazo that Kayleigh's case would be a private pay case (what that means is that the birthmother (and Kayleigh for that matter) doesn't & won't have medicaid coverage and doesn't have insurance coverage - so whatever medical bills are incurred on their behalf will be the responsibility of the adoptive parents - we were also informed by Abrazo that there was no way at that point in time that Abrazo could estimate how much the case-specific fees would be (and I had to make a decision whether to proceed or not given that information). There was no pressure whatsoever from Abrazo to proceed - although they did need my response immediately so that if I didn't want to proceed, they could find another family to contact (anytime you have a BOG - it's always a rush-rush thing, generally with very little information, and you have to think quick, move quick, and be prepared to move forward with the adoption ASAP (but - you are also asked in the very beginning when you fill out Abrazo's paperwork whether or not you want to be considered for BOGs, so if this is something you're not comfortable with, you don't have to be considered for BOG cases). Without a doubt in my mind - I said yes - I didn't care - I felt such a feeling in my gut that this was the right baby for us that this was the right case for us - it was such an overwhelming feeling that I knew that regardless of anything - I wanted to do this. I was willing to sell our house, move into an apartment or anywhere, go back to work, anything I had to do in order to fund this adoption (not out of desperation, but because there was this voice that was so loud telling me this was right, this was the one). So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that your concerns are certainly valid but I think you will find that everything will work out (albeit not exactly as you envision it because the nature of adoption and life doesn't always work out as you expect it to - you will need to be adaptable and flexible on this journey, but that's true even if you were carrying your baby yourself - not all pregnancies and births work out exactly as they're imagined either. Abrazo is a wonderful agency and very honest and very experienced. They have nothing to hide - you can ask them anything and they will be up front with you (sometimes a bit more blunt than you'd like but I'd rather someone tell me a straight answer if I ask than not (even if their answer is a sincere "I don't know"). And unless you work with an agency that offers a structure where you pay just an agency fee (which is usually a ridiculously high fee because the case-specific fees are rolled up into that amount and they use some worst case scenario average as a case specific fee) and their policy is that you just pay that one fee regardless of how many disruptions occur - you will be looking at that kind of risk wherever you adopt from. Another thing to think about too - one of the reasons it seems like there are many disrupted adoptions with Abrazo is because those people are the people needing some support and guidance and help from others and others who have been there - which is why you see them posting on here. Those people who have these "perfect", smooth sailing adoptions may not post so much on here or may not have found the Forum as something they need. We had 8 couples in our Orientation - of the 8, I think only 2 couples experienced a disrupted match/adoption and it seems like both times, it happened very early in the match - less than a month after matching (one of the disrupted matches can be read about under "Joyous Journeys" then "From a Disrupted Match to a BOG" by Denise. Within a year, all 8 of us were the proud parents of our precious babies...most of us took placement of our babies within 6 months of attending Orientation. Feel free to contact Abrazo before you fill out an inquiry form or anything too if you want some specific questions/concerns addressed. That's also another thing that "sold" me on Abrazo - just talking to them and getting a feel for how they work. You may decide they're not the right place for you (I can't imagine....but I suppose they're not for everyone) but it also may put your mind at ease with some things as well. There's no pressure from them to do anything if you just give them a call - they're really easy to talk to. Best wishes for y'all - keep us posted! Lisa By the way - I would expect to speak with more than 1 birthmother before you match with one. I spoke to 2 potential birthmothers and then the 3rd potential birthmother I spoke with was the one we "unofficially matched" with. Anyway - the 2 I spoke to first - both of them weren't sure whether they were even going to place their babies for adoption - and Abrazo told me that up front - when they called to ask me if I'd be interested in speaking with them. They told me they were just considering adoption and wanted to get a feel for what adoptive parents are like. So, I knew when speaking with them that it may not be "the one" and I didn't get my hopes up (and I'm one that ALWAYS gets my hopes up). Anyway, the 3rd person I talked to did choose to match with us but for whatever reasons didn't ever send in the paperwork the birthmothers are required to send to Abrazo in order for them to work with Abrazo and then match with adoptive parents. I was kept informed by Abrazo that she hadn't sent in the paperwork (despite them sending it to her 3 or 4 times - she kept losing it) - so, I kind of was 1/2 and 1/2 about feeling this was a match - I was hopeful but not disappointed with her losing the paperwork. While waiting for her to send in her paperwork, we weren't considered "matched" because officially, she wasn't working with Abrazo - so, our profile was still available for Abrazo to send to other birthmothers. About a month or so after being "unofficially matched" with this person, we received the call about Kayleigh - who had been born the night before we go the call from Abrazo. The rest is history and well documented on here - "Joyous Journeys" -> "Lance & Lisa's Beautiful Daughter Kayleigh".

Hi 2sad, I'm glad you found the forum...I can't even imagine the overwhelming emotions you, your family, & your daughter must be feeling. My mom was in your shoes about 15 1/2 years ago upon learning I was pregnant at the age of 17 - a senior in highschool. I didn't exactly tell her - she was suspicious (I have no idea why) and began checking the trash can to see if there was any evidence of a monthly female event - never saw any for about a month'ish and confronted about the possibility that I could be pregnant - I denied it and denied it and denied it (the last person in the world I wanted to know was her) and she finally told me that she had just made an appointment for us to go the doctor the next day for a pregnancy test so if there was any possibility I could pregnant - now was the time to mention it to her. I said it was possible and I can't remember what she said - she was very supportive - I'm sure we cried a lot that evening (my parents were divorced so it was just the 2 of us). We went to the doctor the next day - the test was positive - I was about 3 months pregnant at that time. The best thing my mom ever did was to tell me that regardless of what I wanted to do - she would support my decision - whether she agreed with it or not. At that point - she was just there for me - not trying to help me figure out what to do (I'm not sure how far along your daughter is but she really doesn't have to make any decisions about what to do in the beginning (just my opinion - some people may disagree...I'm not a professional or anything - just someone with lots of opinions). As you're aware, she basically has 3 options - parent the child herself, choose someone else to parent the child (either family or placing the baby for adoption), or (and I'm sure this isn't something anyone wants me to say on here and my apologies in advance for offending anyone with this), terminating the pregnancy (depending on how far along she is in her pregnancy). Based on your comment about her not really thinking of her future - I'm guessing she's leaning more toward wanting to parent the baby herself after she has the baby....which isn't the end of the world - there are many, many, many unplanned pregnancies where the person decides to parent and things work out well...and some where it doesn't work out so well but I personally think that one of the differences in how it all works out is related to the level of emotional support she receives from her family when she needs it - regardless - parenting isn't something that's an easy thing to do and there are so many things that can make it even harder if you're doing it alone or without a lot of financial resources or the maturity to accept what being a parent means. But - nonetheless - if this is something she wants to do, I would encourage you to be supportive of that and not try to change her mind (which is different from laying out for her what her options are in an unbiased way) - but just try very hard to understand that regardless of whether she's thinking of her own or her child's future - she has a right to make the decision for both of their futures and however difficult her future may be as a result of that (believe me, placing a baby for adoption is no piece of cake either - it haunts you for the rest of your life and I think that's true if it's an open or closed adoption (unfortunately, my daughter's adoption was closed so I have no contact or identifying information). If that's something she wants to do - I would encourage you to do everything you can to help her learn about the resources available for young mothers (I'm just assuming she's young and not in her 30's - I apologize if I seem presumptious)....I didn't know about anything when I had my biological daughter (I say biological just to clarify because my husband & I adopted our daughter through Abrazo about 19 months ago) - as far as I knew, there weren't any support groups available for teen moms, no resources, no child-care options other than the really expensive kind, etc. I now know that's not necessarily the case - there are agencies and programs out there for young mothers to help them stay in school and go to college, make a very good, secure, happy life for themselves and their child, etc (I live in Washington state which has some really amazing wonderful resources and support groups, etc for this). If she's open at all to discussing adoption - I would try to approach it as something you're in together - you're learning along with her what adoption is all about, what it means, that you're going to be her rock while she's going through with it. If she's open to even considering adoption and learning more about it - I don't think you could have found a better place (Abrazo). She (& you) can talk to them and learn so much and get their perspective and just get lots of information about what kind of things to expect, etc. You are under no obligation whatsoever to do anything at any point in time (even if she decides to place her baby for adoption and gives birth and then decides this isn't something she can do (which happens)) with respect to placing the baby for adoption - you can just talk to them, get more info, go home, think about it for as long as you need to - they are the most non-pressuring place ever - that's not what they're there for - they're there to make sure that whatever decision your daughter makes, is an informed one and that it's the right decision for her. Back on the parenting thing though - I posted something a few days ago about a book I had stumbled across called "You look too young to be a mom" (it's under Birthparents -> U Go Girl -> and then something about books (I'll look it up and edit this when I find the post)...it might be something she could read just to get a feel for what it's like...? I haven't read it yet but it's actually stories compiled by the author from moms who had their babies at a young age. I guess most of all I would just say try to be as supportive as you can about whatever she decides to do - I'm sure that is something that is so difficult because you just want what's best for her and I'm sure you have a vision of how you see her future and being a parent right now just wasn't a part of that - but again, if that's what happens...it's not the end of the world (believe me, I thought my pregnancy was the end of the world for me...before we went to the doctor - I had my own suspicions that I may be pregnant because I thought it seemed like I was "late"...anyway - every night and every day - I would pray to God that I "just" had cancer and that's what was making me not have my monthly visitor - I prayed so hard that I would go to the doctor and find out that I had ovarian cancer or some kind of female cancer and I would have rather have faced that than faced being pregnant. That's how desperate I was and how scared I was (mostly that my mom would lecture me and tell me she "knew this was going to happen". thank goodness she didn't react or respond that way at all - I will never forget just how non-judgemental she was about it and how she told me that no matter what, we were in this together and she would support whatever I decided to do). I wish you all well during this unbelievably difficult time in your lives...this is just so near and dear to my heart - I hope I never have to go through this with my daughter - it's just an extremely tough, difficult, emotional crisis type thing regardless of the outcome - if I do, I'm sure I'll be posting like crazy on here looking for answers (if the forum is still around by that time). Also know that it's nothing you did or didn't do or didn't teach her or whatever. My decision to do what one does to get pregnant was something I chose to do - despite knowing it was wrong and I was too young to be doing it. I have never talked to my mom about this but I do have a feeling that she somehow feels she failed as a parent by my getting pregnant and it had nothing to do with her or her parenting of me. Lisa

Hi Newbie 101, Although I'm not a working mom (I worked before Kayleigh but gave my notice in an e-mail when I arrived in Texas to pick up Kayleigh....I was only working on contract though and had no plans to return to work once baby came and I had already made the manager I reported to aware of my situation before I accepted the assignment so I had it pretty easy from that perspective). I did want to add a little feedback on this though just based on my experience from working for a few different companies and different size companies with different corporate cultures etc. I would say a lot will depend on the type of relationship you have with your manager and with your Human Resources Representative (if you have a designated HR person - if not, the HR Director)...at one company I worked at, I was very friendly with one of the HR members and didn't have as comfortable of a relationship with my manager so I probably would have first spoken to the HR person to explain things to her (we were comfortable enough to be able to speak "off the record" and very informally) just so I could get an idea of how things would be handled with my special situation (the last minuteness of it). Also, HR is aware of all the other people who have experienced similar type of situations and would already know how it was handled by the company, etc. At the other company I worked at, I was the Accounting Manager (my other company I was just a Financial Analyst - had no responsibilities other than my own - no personnel, etc that would be impacted by my absence)...anyway - when I was the Accounting Manager - I reported to the Controller and we were very friendly with each other (she didn't even seem like my manager) and I wasn't very friendly with the HR people (didn't trust her one bit!) so without a doubt - I would have discussed it with my direct manager first rather than going to HR. Of course, this all depends on the type of company you work for, how family friendly they are, how large they are, their corporate culture, policies, flexibility, etc but I'm of the opinion that the more "heads-up" you can give the better (I agree too though to wait until you return from Orientation unless you feel really comfortable with your manager that you could go ahead and let them know of your adoption plans (everyone wherever I worked knew my business - when I was a manager, I did an in-vitro cycle and felt I had to explain why I was always late in the morning (because I was going to those darn appointments every morning to get blood drawn) for awhile and also why I seemed kind of spacey and why I was missing work, etc (and plus, everyone was always having to listen to me go on and on about how much I wanted to be a mommy)...... Hopefully there's someone in HR though you're comfortable talking with first - I think unless you have a really exceptionally understandable manager, it's just good to get a feel for what you're up against (hopefully all goes well, everyone is understanding, etc etc etc....but - there were a few managers I had in the past who probably wouldn't have been quite so understanding of what was going on (when we got the call about Kayleigh - I lived, slept, dreamt, breathed, ate, drank Kayleigh and getting her well enough to get discharged from the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit) for the entire 2 weeks she was in there - I absolutely could not have dealt with having to check in with a boss or even cared about any of that during that time (I probably would have been fired - I was just so focused on my baby girl). Lisa

Melissa - you have such a wonderful thing!!!!! I can't tell you how much I would love to have a relationship with Kayleigh's birthfamily like you have with your daughter's birthfamily. Something I was thinking of the other day is just how much I would love for Kayleigh to know her birth-grand-father(s)....and everyone else but I just think the grand-daughter/grand-father relationship is a special one. Both mine & Lance's fathers have passed away so Kayleigh will never know what it's like to have a grand-dad and I know that her birth-grand-father wouldn't exactly be like having a grand-dad that was mine or Lance's dad but I just think how cool it would be if she had him in her life. Gosh - that's just so neat about the e-mail swap! And that they're on e-mail too! What techie grand-parents! -Lisa

Hi Angie, There is a topic on here with the 2004 Orientation Dates - go to: Adoptive Parents-> Looking to Adopt->Orientation Weekends (the ifs, whens, whats) The first thing to do is to fill out an Adoption Inquiry Form (go to Abrazo's Homepage and there should be a link on how to download it) and send it in to Abrazo. Someone will likely call you to discuss some things and if all goes well, you're invited to the Orientation Weekend and on your way. I do know though that Abrazo will only work with people who are just working with Abrazo (i.e. you wouldn't be able to still be on a list or work with Agape). I would say the best thing you could do at this time is (even before filling out an inquiry form) is to give them a call (let's see, I used to have the number memorized, let's see if I still do 1-210-342-5683 (nope, had to look it up...guess it's been awhile since I called them)). They are really easy to talk to, very knowledgeable and can answer whatever questions you have (I remember I was really nervous about calling them the first time and I shouldn't have been - they are just a great group of girls who work there - every single one of them!). They'll be able to explain their program to you and requirements, etc. So - that's what I'd do if I were you, give them a call first - then if you're still interested, send in the inquiry form - then hopefully you'll be at one of their upcoming Orientations and you'll be parents again before you know it! -Lisa

Hi sugarfamily! Well, you could keep posting here or you could start your very own spot in "Joyous Journeys"...either way....keep posting - this is so much fun to read about!!! That romantic weekend away idea is a good one....try to think of all the things that will be difficult to do once your little one arrives and then make plans to do them! Lance & I took our big, annual, 2 week vacation just before we received the call about Kayleigh (had no idea when we left that a week after we returned home, we'd get that call...talk about timing!) So, that was in November 2002 - every year, we go to Florida for a couple of weeks - sometimes twice a year. Anyway - we missed it last year (I can't imagine how people can get it together enough to take a vacation with a baby!! ) but we have it scheduled for this November - Kayleigh will almost be 2 - so, what I"m saying is - by all means - take that trip or romantic get-away because you just don't know how long it will be before you do it again (I know for me personally - I'm just still not ready to leave Kayleigh overnight, much less for 2 or more overnights...(which is a good thing since there's really noone here to leave her with - all my family is in Texas - but even if they were here - I wouldn't be ready to do it...everyone is different though - a friend of mine is leaving her little boy with her parents for a weeklong trip and is excited and nervous). Not that you can do much whale watching in Houston but it's a very popular thing to do in my neck of the woods (I live just outside of Seattle) - Lance & I moved here about a year before Kayleigh was born - we kept saying how one of these days, we wanted to do a whale watching tour (they last all day)...well, we never scheduled one and the prospects of us doing one look rather slim considering we may not even be living here within the next couple of years. The other thing we had always wanted to do (but never did) was go on a Seattle underground tour (way back a long time ago, downtown Seattle was however many feet lower than it is now - then there was a huge fire that destroyed everything so when they rebuilt, they built it higher because of all the problems it caused with it being so close to the water (or something like that - little bit of trivia I never knew about). Anyway, you can tour the "old" Seattle which is basically underneath what is now downtown Seattle but it's not for the faint hearted (it's a pretty grueling tour I understand) and not kid-friendly....So - those are just a few things we wish we would have done pre-Kayleigh that we'll probably never have the chance to do while we're living here...so - definitely do those things you've always wanted to do but just never got around to - because chances are, you'll put them off even longer once your baby arrives. If you're planning on doing birth announcements, you could start checking into those and picking out what you want and even get your list together of who you want to send them to (and you can even buy the envelopes separately and have them addressed and everything - then just order the birth announcements once baby arrives). There's a great post somewhere on here with lots of ideas on things to do while you wait...I'll try to dig it up.... Best wishes! Lisa

I think that's a hard to answer question too - I think I would say yes, they can specify a gender preference but I also think that if a different gender comes along - they should give it consideration as well (there's just so much more to being a parent and making the decision on a case than just gender...even though one may think they really, really, really prefer a girl (or a boy) - what if a potential birthparent is pregnant with a baby of a different gender and for whatever reasons, that birthmother and that couple (or person) are just "right" for each other.....also, just like Jennifer said - you may have a preference for one or the other but once you become the parent to the one you are blessed with, you decide that everything worked out exactly as they should and you're thinking, "preference, what preference?" I know in mine & Lance's case - we did have a preference for a girl - we would have been ecstatic either way but in the questionnaire we filled out for Abrazo - it's asked if we have a preference and I felt I'd be lying to say, "no". I didn't want to limit my choices for just a girl though - and I know I got a call from them early on about a potential placement that was a baby boy and I was over the moon with that possibility. So - I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's fine to have a preference but hopefully - a couple (or person) will remain open-minded for their own sake - they could be keeping themselves from being the parents to their dream baby/child if they start placing too many restrictions and not just let things happen and make a decision taking into consideration many other things than just gender. And I just wanted to comment on the argument of nature not offering that option so adoption shouldn't either - I don't like to make that type of argument for things related to adoptive parents and their choices - maybe I'm totally wrong but there are so many choices that biological parents have (i.e. nature) that adoptive parents don't have so to say that because nature doesn't offer gender selection, adoption shouldn't either just doesn't seem like a valid argument. Again, hopefully not to offend anyone but things that come to mind - mostly the care taken by the biological mom during her pregnancy - the food she eats, the alcohol she consumes (or doesn't), the drugs (legal &/or illegal - including cough medicine, tylenol, etc - not just street drugs) she takes, the type of labor, delivery, birthing method she chooses), the stress she is under, etc - those things are not within an adoptive parents control (which I'm totally not complaining about - I'm just saying - that's the case - we have to accept that part of everything and let go of how we would handle our pregnancy - so...to me, I just don't think you can compare nature with adoption in such black & white terms). I also want to make it very clear that I'm also not saying that birthparents do drugs, drink alcohol, have huge amounts of stress, and choose bad birthing methods. I am just trying to make a point that the person who is pregnant with the child is the person who is responsible for making the decisions on everything related to their pregnancy. Hopefully, my dissertation above comes out how I meant it and not how it sounds when I just re-read it - argh... -Lisa

Sasha - you crack me up! Promise me you'll never stop posting!!! And you just post wherever you please - thanks for the thumbs up on the site - I didn't have much time to browse it yesterday (I just found it yesterday) but from what I saw - it just looks AMAZING (is this the only one out there like that? I know there are quite a few forums out there for birthmothers and potential birthmothers but I don't like them because I found that too many potential adoptive parents were on them seeming like they were just ready and waiting to pounce on them to try to get them to place their baby with them - and it turned more into an advertising forum rather than a helpful thing for birthmothers (and expectant parents...I've gotta get in the habit of saying expectant parents rather than birthparents because apparently, that's the PC way of putting it) to go to (which is something also really cool about Abrazo's website....I've never seen a single e-mail from an adoptive parent on here trying to persuade someone to place with them....). Anyway - glad to hear that it's a good site (the Lifemothers site). If you know of any others - please post them!! Lisa

Hi, I remember when I first began to suspect that I was pregnant (very unexpected and unplanned) and the main thing I remember feeling was so very alone, confused - not knowing who to go to, who to confide in (if anyone), who to trust... I just stumbled on a website called Lifemothers Lifemothers that has all sorts of information for birthparents and potential birthparents - there's a spot for "Expectant Mothers" and those considering adoption - that looks like it's at least a place to start to try to figure all this out.... Lifemothers - For expectant parents and those considering adoption for their baby If anyone else has any other resources or helpful information for someone who may have found this site - please feel free to post it as well. And just know that you are not alone - and whatever you decide, is okay....it's a huge decision to make and unless someone is faced with this situation, they couldn't possibly know what it's like. Everyone has to decide what works for them....my best advice for you would just be to gather as much information as possible on your options and try to go from there....listen to your own inner voice. -Lisa

I'll have to re-read Dear Birthmother...I don't remember feeling too uncomfortable while reading that but also, I read it before Kayleigh arrived - and I feel I was much more of a birthmother then and related much more to the birthmother side of things then than I do now...I'm still very much a birthmother but above all else (and I sure hope I'm not offending anyone), I'm Kayleigh's mom - and I feel 100% as though I'm Kayleigh's mom (not even because I wipe her cute little hiney either)...I do feel that Kayleigh needs her birthmother in her life (which is an entirely different topic...sadly, Kayleigh's birthmother has chosen to wait a bit on having contact with us (actually, she said she didn't want any contact but we like to think that someday, that will change)...but for different reasons - I feel Kayleigh's birthmother is very much a part of Kayleigh (even though I'm more of a nurture person than nature person)...but I don't feel like because I didn't give birth to Kayleigh that I'm not fully her parent...I do feel like Kayleigh's birthmother can offer her something and provide her something that I am incapable of giving her...and that's why I very, very, very much want her in our life. Anyway though, before I can truly provide comments on this book, I'll need to re-read it.... -Lisa

Hi Julie & Rick (and all the others!!, I couldn't even finish this book - I started reading it on a 4 hour plane ride - it was the only book I had with me and I was travelling alone - so I was a captive audience and I LOVE to read!! I usually have 5 or 6 books going at one time along with 4 or 5 magazines...anyway - I had a bad feeling after just a few pages - I could feel my face getting red and my blood boiling - someone else on here said this (maybe you) but I couldn't help but keep saying to myself - who does this person think they are? this is THEIR opinion - ugh! I'm a very open minded person (at least I think so) when it comes to everyone having a voice to believe/think what they want - I try not to expect people to conform to my beliefs, etc - but this just was over the top - major issues this author has. I'm sitting there, reading this as a birthparent who placed in a closed adoption and it literally made me want to vomit! I was livid...I scimmed through the book - there was no way I could finish it (sorry Abrazo....)....I also like to educate myself on other viewpoints from my own and hopefully become even more open-minded or enlightened on things but there is NO WAY this was going to do it for me. Whether I'm right or wrong, I don't know but I wanted you to know that your review is exactly what I would have said (although you said it much more eloquently than I'm able to). As far as Abrazo recommending it...well, I agree with someone else who posted a response to you on this - I think Abrazo provides us all with a list of books to read to educate ourselves on various viewpoints and it's up to us to draw our own conclusions as to the impact it will have/has on us - there are some fairly controversial topics on the forum that have been started by Abrazo and I guess that's one of the things I really liked about the agency - I felt that they don't try to push anything down your throat - they just provide resources for what's available out there, what's being talked about in the adoption community (good and bad), and trying to get some discussions going on here - they are very non-judgemental - I think the more we know and the more we're exposed to, it just makes us better parents...more informed and more aware of just how much literature and discussion is available on adoption, adoptees, adoptive parents, birthparents, etc. I love these types of discussions...thanks for your post and comments!! Another book I couldn't finish either - Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother or Parent or whatever...I thought it was DREADFUL and I hope and pray that if my daughter's birthmother ever reads it, she has enough sense to know that is just ONE person's thoughts, opinions, & feelings - it isn't a "one-size-fits-all" thing! Just like every adoptee is different and has a different experience, every birthparent does and every adoptive parent does - thank goodness!! And sort of off topic (Kayleigh's napping, my husband is in Europe on business at the moment - what can I say? I have a lot of FREE time on my hands right now)....just wait until your little one arrives and you start the process of actually being a parent - whoa! Will people ever have views and ideas that are polar opposite of you when it comes to raising a child and what is okay to do and what isn't. And the books out there on that.....there are a few I've read and I just can't believe how there can be such vastly different parenting styles. It's funny because Lance & I really didn't discuss in depth what our parenting style was...I mean, we talked about our thoughts on discipline and boundaries and extra-curricular things and education, values, etc - but that's actually quite different from parenting style.....with us, we found that we very quickly grabbed on to our own parenting style because that is what worked for us....and we keep refining it but it's definitely something we're very aware of now (that is that how we parent Kayleigh and how our friends (or co-workers, acquaintances) parent their children is very, very different - not that one way is better than the other but it's just really interesting to us that we never really gave it much thought before and now, it's something we try to incorporate and adhere to on a daily basis.....I'm sure it only gets more predominant once our babies, toddlers become school-age and aren't so much under our influence.... Okay, I'll ramble on to something else now... Lisa -Lisa

Our heartfelt best wishes to all the new parents and special thoughts for those special birthparents..... Best wishes all!! Lisa, Lance, & kayleigh

Hooray for the Forrestears!!! Congratulations on your new arrival!!! I can't wait to hear alllll about her!!! Wishing you & your pink bundle of joy all the best! Lisa, Lance, & our pink bundle of joy (aka - Kayleigh) (Happy shopping!! )

Congratulations!!! It is just a matter of time now....this is the first big step!!! Everyone from our Orientation had taken placement of their babies within a year (give or take a bit....). I was in the August 2002 Orientation - we were the 4th or 5th out of 9 couples to take placement of our baby and we took placement in December 2002 (early December at that! ) You couldn't be working with a more wonderful agency - they are the BEST!!!! Please, please, please keep us all updated - we're all very excited for y'all. -Lisa

Hi Linda & Scott!!! I just wanted to let y'all know I'm so happy you're on your way too!!!! Wow! 10 years is a long time to anticipate and wait for the big day!!! I sure would like to be a fly on the wall on the day you meet your precious little one.... The feeling you have when that day comes is just indescribable - it makes everything in the world seem so unimportant other than that moment right then, right there where you're with your child - it's the most amazing moment you'll ever have (I think....so far, nothing has topped it for us) and everything you've gone through to get to that point seems so worth everything to be able to call yourselves the parents of the most perfect, precious baby in the world....I was reading a magazine yesterday (Adoption Today...it's more of an International Adoption magazine but I didn't know it when I subscribed but it still has some good interesting articles to read...but not as good as Adoptive Families...) Anyway - one of the articles was written by an adoptive parent and she is a parent by birth and by adoption and she was describing the differences and similarities between the two...anyway (get to the point Lisa) and something she wrote in there and I just totally identified with it and I thought she described it so perfectly - it said something like when you meet your child, you find yourself looking around thinking, "I've just won the lottery because I'm just positive that we have the most perfect, wonderful, beautiful child in the world". I remember thinking something so similar to that - I just couldn't believe that Abrazo had just placed the most wonderful baby in the world with us - how fortunate for us (and now I realize that others feel the same way). Wishing you many blessings on your journey and you just couldn't have landed a better agency to work with - they are WONDERFUL!!!! -Lisa

Hip Hip Hooray!!!!! Of course, all the Orientation groups are very special but this group is really, really special to me because I got to meet them all (what a fun thing for me) and they let me tell my story..... So!!! I am SO SO SO excited to hear this news!!! Can't wait to hear who it is!!!!! And a huge congratulations!!! Plllllllease send me a picture when you get all settled in (digital, hard copy...I don't care (I'd LOVE a hard copy though to put on Kayleigh's picture board and to then put in her book (if you would like to do that, message me and I'll send you my address). Yippee!!!!! -Lisa

Hi Courtney, Welcome!!! We adopted our daughter, Kayleigh, through Abrazo in December 2002 (she was born 12/5/02 and we took placement of her on 12/9/02 (taking placement is the day when the paperwork is all signed, etc). They were WONDERFUL - I would highly recommend them...they are a really remarkable agency to work with and I just can't sing their praises enough. (Our first contact was made with Abrazo in early July 2002). Let's see - there have been some posts on here about financial assistance - there are lots of great ideas about that - we didn't utilize that as we used money we had in a savings account so I'm probably not the best person to speak with on that. One of the posts regarding financial assistance is: Abrazo Forum>Adoptive Parents>Looking to Adopt>Finances> Financing an Adoption Another good post is: (it's on pg 2 at the moment) Abrazo Forum>Adoptive Parents>Looking to Adopt>Finances> Financing an Adoption, Pink & Blue vs Green As for trying to figure out a good way to start... Well, when I started - the first thing I did was read some books....I had no idea which books to get so I just bought several books on adoption - both international and domestic. At that time (this was actually when we were still going through our infertility treatments - we did 2 unsuccessful IVFs), we weren't sure whether we wanted to do a domestic or international adoption. I had some misconceptions about domestic adoption (worried that it would take years and years of waiting and worried that noone would choose us or approve us into their program) and I guess deep down, I really wanted to do a domestic adoption because I knew I wanted to adopt an infant - preferably a newborn. So - once that was decided (that we'd go the domestic route), the next thing was to figure out which agency to work with (I knew I didn't want to do an independent adoption where we do all the leg-work (i.e. advertising, screening birthparents, etc)...I was also really worried about choosing an agency that would put us in this huge waiting list thing and forget about us and we'd be pretty much waiting with our hands tied (you can't (for reasons I completely understand and support) work with 2 agencies at once - nor could one afford to (once you make a commitment to work with an agency, it is fairly standard that you do a non-refundable deposit that is often around 50% of their fee)...anyway - so I was really leary about working with an agency that we'd wait with forever that really could care less about helping us be a family. I remembered my mom had been telling from the first time we learned we had infertility that she had a really good friend whose daughter had adopted through Abrazo (rather quickly) and had a wonderful experience - I called her - she raved about Abrazo - that was good enough for me...I wanted to work with Abrazo. At that point - I'd say I was fairly educated on adoption and how it works - but I wasn't very educated on open adoption - which Abrazo is a huge proponent of. I wish I had read more on that before making my first contact with them - it worked out okay but thankfully, they were very tolerant and understanding about my lack of knowledge in this area (there are some great suggestions on here about books to read regarding open adoption - another great way to get yourself more knowledgeable about adoption is to talk to other adoptive parents - the best way to do that is on a message board like this and also check to see if there is a support group type thing for adoptive parents in your area (the RESOLVE website is a good place to start to find something www.resolve.org - they have an entire section dedicated to adoption). Our local support group thing is called AFFGS (www.affgs.org) and it stands for Adoptive Friends & Families of Greater Seattle - it's really cool because they have a group that meets once a month I believe who are waiting to adopt or in the early stages or considering adoption - they usually have a guest speaker and it's just a good forum for the people to meet and learn different things, etc. Then, once you're a parent through adoption - they have a group called SNAP (support for new adoptive parents) which specifically addresses things that new APs experience and go through - and they have ongoing playgroups and guest speakers and topics, etc. It's a really good thing to get into - especially for newbies (in my opinion). Anyway - those are my thoughts - but I think the best thing you can do is to talk to other APs - absorb what they have to share and what they've gone through - each adoption experience is different - there are some things that stay fairly consistent with each one but the more you know about others experiences, etc - the more prepared you'll be when it comes time for you to experience yours. I'm not sure how far along you are in your journey to adoption - not sure if you're completely new to it and just starting to check it out or if you've already done some things to get it going or learn about it or what....so it's hard to really address questions/concerns you may have...please feel free to post on here and you'll probably get responses from several people on here - this is a pretty active board. Or, feel free to private message me (underneath my post there should be a button that says "Send Message" or you can e-mail me at linlacor@yahoo.com ) I'd be happy to answer anything I can (I do have a toddler though so sometimes my e-mails get sent without really being finished because I've learned that if I wait to finish it - I never get it sent so I sometimes will just send it as soon as she starts fussing for me to give her some attention...my apologies in advance on that - by the way - this goes for anyone who would like to contact me - I'll be happy to talk to or answer questions to the best of my ability to anyone who wishes to contact me). The other thing you could do is to just write down (or type) some questions you have and give Abrazo a call (or just give them a call anyway and say you're thinking about adoption - I'm sure they'll be able to help answer anything you have...they are extremely easy to talk to, very down-to-earth, very honest, and compassionate. I had tons and tons and tons of questions (mostly about their program, costs, waiting time, process (how it all happens), what happens if a birthmother changes her mind) and they were able to address everything I wondered about - sometimes there really isn't a black & white answer - it could be a bit grey...but I liked how up-front they were and informative. Another place to check out on here that I think is a really cool post with lots of great information and stories - it gave me so much hope when we started our adoption - is: Abrazo Forum>Joyous Journeys>The Day of the Call - Sharing Your Story Best wishes to you!!! Hope to hear more from you!! Lisa

I agree on the homestudy thing... The thing that took the longest on ours (we attended the 8/02 Orientation - started our homestudy almost immediately after we left Orientation and it was all completed about 2 weeks prior to receiving the call about Kayleigh) is the background check - you and your spouse have to be fingerprinted and that is sent to the FBI (and maybe even to somewhere else as well) and then they run a background check to make sure you don't have any criminal stuff...anyway - your homestudy person has no control over this part of the homestudy so however long it takes the FBI to do their thing is how long it takes and there can be quite a back-log. So - I would definitely start calling around, trying to find someone you're comfortable with and at least try to get that part going. We live in Washington state and had to work with someone here in WA and before I began working with her, I made sure she was okay with doing a homestudy based on Texas's requirements and Abrazo's requirements which she was (she'd done out of state homestudies before - although we may have been her 1st Texas one...not sure). Anyway, I know she & Abrazo spoke on the phone a few times and there was some paperwork we rec'd from Abrazo at Orientation that listed what the requirements were for a Texas/Abrazo homestudy (it differs from state to state). So - anyway - I guess what I'm trying to say is definitely get started on that part of everything - the background check part is required regardless of what state you adopt in or live. Best wishes to y'all!!! -Lisa

Just wanted to provide an update - my grand-father passed away today, very peacefully - without pain - and was telling those around them how much he loved them...I think he knew his time here was ending. My mom has taken it very well - my aunt is struggling with the loss...I think she feels bad she wasn't there when he passed....I hope she knows that he felt her there anyway along with all the rest of us who love him so much... Thanks everyone for your prayers - another angel up there tonight to look over us all. -Lisa

Amen Lisa2 - very well said - I couldn't agree with you more. Besides....it isn't our right to hide this information from our children - they are people too and they have a right to know - we, as human beings, owe them honesty and respect and it is their right as a person to know where they came from and their heritage. I find it extremely disrepectful (among other things) to keep this type of information from them ... -Lisa