FeelingBlessed

1. READ, READ, READ everything you can about adoption ... and more specifically about open adoption. Education is essential! 2. Start talking with your extended family about adoption and openness in adoption -- teach them correct adoption lingo (i.e., "placed", NOT "put up"; "birthparent", NOT "real parent") and get any concerns they may have out in the open so you can address them BEFORE your child is placed. 3. Establish a support system for yourself -- either an adoption support group, Sunday School class, other people who have been on the adoption roller coaster and can talk you through things as they occur. 4. Find out what you need to about getting fingerprinted and getting your physicals done for your homestudy -- these two things can really hold you up unless you know how much time is involved in your particular region. 5. Have some honest talks with your spouse about what type of child you are open to adopting (age, sex, race, medical condition, etc.). You need to be in sync on this BEFORE you get the call, particularly if the call is about a baby-on-the-ground. 6. Make a list of questions that you want to ask of your birthparents -- not only will it help with the first conversations/meetings, but it will be important information to share with your child in the future. It's real easy to get tongue-tied or have a nervous "block" when you're visiting with each other for the first couple of times. 7. Clear your schedule of things that are non-essential -- the adoption process (say "paperwork") is VERY time-consuming the first time around -- you don't need to feel stressed out about getting your paperwork submitted as you try to juggle everything else in your life. Take some time off and enjoy this part of your "pregnancy." 8. Read the Forum for good advice and insight!

"He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Psalm 113:9

I think a lot of people confuse "open adoption" with co-parenting, which is simply not the case. In most divorce situations, the child does find himself/herself spending time with each parent -- it truly is co-parenting. But, in open adoption, the child is "parented" by the adoptive parent/s ... and loved by the birthparent/s. Our birthparents do not make the day-to-day decisions about the welfare of our children, nor are they "responsible" for them in any way -- that is our job. What they are are simply two more people in our childrens' lives who love them and take an interest in their accomplishments. Hope this helps shed some light on the confusion you may have -- I'm sure some of the other people out there with open adoptions can offer additional information.

I believe God answers prayer, Answers always, everywhere; I may cast my anxious care, Burdens I could never bear, On the God who heareth prayer. Never need my soul despair Since He bids me boldly dare To the secret place repair, There to prove ... He answers prayer. --From George Muller of Bristol

" ... be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told." -- Habakkuk 1:5

We went to our first Abrazo orientation in July 1997 and took placement of our first daughter just four months later in November 1997. Like you, we wanted to have children close in age, so we went to our second orientation in July 1998 and took placement of our second child in November 1998, just one year later! Today, we are the proud parents of three girls, ages 4, 3 and 1 -- so, it can be done! Just be prepared for very little sleep and lots of constant running!

Just another note of reassurance ... I don't think tears would freak anyone out, be it birthparents or other adoptive parents, as much as being around someone who doesn't show any emotion over the whole adoption process. It IS an emotional situation for everyone involved, and I personally think tears and hugs and smiles bring everyone closer together. Keep us posted on your adoption journey!

We had the same concerns, particularly after several other domestic agencies (NOT Abrazo) wouldn't even look at us because of our age. My husband is 49; I am 42. We first started our adoption journey with Abrazo four years ago, so we still would have been considered "mature" by many birthparents. However, we have not found it to be a hindrance for us -- in fact, our daughters' birthparents have told us that one of the things that attracted them to us was how long we have been married ... which ties directly into our age! I think that as long as you are "young at heart" and active in your lifestyle, that is what really matters ... or so it seems to have been in our case. I would encourage you NOT to let anyone (or any agency) psyche you out when it comes to age -- it really is a state of mind (and yes, physical stamina too!), but some agencies just don't get that yet! Hopefully, some of the birthparents who post here also will respond to your inquiry so you can hear things from their perspective. But, just to put in a plug in for our favorite agency ... I believe you will find Abrazo is VERY open to welcoming adoptive couples in their fabulous forties! Keep us posted on your adoption adventures ...

Hopefully others will answer your questions as well, but I'll give you my take as an Abrazo adoptive mom. Our orientation weekend started on Friday night with a "get-to-know-each-other" session -- it gives you a chance to meet the Abrazo staff in person as well as the other members (adoptive couples or singles) of your orientation group. It's an informal but emotional time as each of you share your experiences that led you to making the adoption decision. Then, most of Saturday is spent with Abrazo staff educating you about the in's and out's of the adoption process -- what "openness" is all about, the legalities of adoption, how to write/prepare your birthparent letter/profile, etc. All in all, the orientation weekend is a wonderful experience -- not something to dread. You talk some, but really you listen more, and you have a great opportunity to ask all the questions you want -- plus, you get to develop some close relationships with other prospective adoptive parents who are feeling and going through some of the same emotions you are. Abrazo does a good job preparing you for the adoptive process ... and each adoption is different, so it would be hard to say what to expect after orientation -- usually, birthparents select you from your birthparent profile, but sometimes the agency is placed in the position of having to match adoptive families and children who need a home. And, depending on how prepared you are (i.e., with current homestudy, birthparent profile finished, etc.) and how "open" you are to adopting children based on age, sex, race, etc., you very well might find yourself being a new parent within 12 months of orientation! If you really want the "scoop" from the horse's mouth, I encourage you to call the Abrazo staff and ask them any questions you might have as well -- they're really easy to talk with and would welcome hearing from you! Wishing you the best ...

We are friends with a couple who recently found out that her eggs are not viable. They are weighing the pros and cons of using an egg donor ... but adoption is also an option for them (and we think they'd be GREAT Abrazo adoptive parents!). Anybody out there have any experience with egg donation (prior to making the decision to adopt) that you'd be willing to share? Any feedback -- good or bad -- would be welcome.