sugarfamily

Thank you so much for your advice! I looked into another insurance company which handles newborns, adopted and bio, completely differently (they are automatically added in to our policy) and there is no waiting period, so we could go forward with adoption whenever there is a baby available - not at the whims of our insurance company. Thanks for encouraging me to look around some more!! Linda

Yes, I'm self-employed so that is why I am looking at individual, versus group, insurance.

What insurance requirements are there for adoption? We are in the process of converting our insurance to individual policies and there is a 9 month waiting period before you're able to add a child onto your policy. Before that time, you can take out a child only policy that is a separate policy once they're born, but you can't add them to yours. Is that going to be a problem?

Does adopting at birth make a difference in the child's acceptance of their place in their adopted family? When an adopted child talks constantly about missing his birthmom, it's very painful for the adoptive parents! Does open adoption ease this tension since they have a relationship with the birthparents already? Our nephew, who was adopted at age 9 from an orphanage in Cambodia, acts as though his mom did him a huge disservice by adopting him and thoroughly rejected her as a cruel person who made his life miserable. As a result of that difficult relationship, he's living with us now and even though we've bonded as a family and he seems happier in our environment, now he's started talking about how much he misses his mom. I am confused and scared that if we adopt a baby, I'm signing up for a lifetime of pain and rejection by a child who just wants to be with his "other mom". Is my experience with my nephew unusual or are my fears grounded in reality? I need to know before I take the plunge. Adoptees, birthmoms, adoptive parents, Elizabeth...please give me some feedback here! Thanks

KT - Thanks for sharing your story. It really helps those of us beginning the open adoption process to understand where you birthparents are coming from. Smitty - It sounds like underneath your comments is a lot of pain and also some fear. I understand the pain of infertility and open adoption can seem scary if you don't know all the facts. My husband and I talked to several people and read a lot about adoption before choosing the open adoption route. Now that we're more educated about it, and thanks to the Abrazo forum can see it in action, we are much more comfortable with the idea of birthfamilies being a part of our child's life, when we do adopt. Remember, you and the birthparent work out ahead of time what level of openness you are both most comfortable with. For some birthparents, they may want regular visits. For others, they may want just letters and photos every now and then. Remember, they loved those children enough to give them up for a better life than they could offer them at the time. Would you have the courage to do what was best for your child, even if it meant giving them up? There are a couple of very good books I would highly recommend, that have been helpful to me: * The Adoption Resource Book by Lois Gilman - comprehensive source of information on everything to do with adoption, including a comparison of the different kinds * Adopting After Infertility by Patricia Irwin Johnston - fantastic book for helping you through the transition * Adoption Without Fear edited by James L. Gritter - 17 couples share their personal experiences with open adoption A lot of open adoption agencies also recommend "Dear Birthmother" by Kathleen Silber & Phylis Speedlin. It is a good book for understanding the birthparent's point of view, but I didn't like their statement that "Adoptive parents will never totally parent their child; and adoptees will never be totally parented by their adoptive parents." That brought up in me feelings like you expressed, like they were insinuating that adoptive parents weren't enough by themselves. I tend to agree more with the comments from the birthmothers in this forum - it is important that the children know they were not rejected when they were given up, but rather given to the adoptive parents out of love. Therefore, having a familial relationship (but not co-parenting relationship) should be helpful, not harmul. Good luck in your journey to make the right choices for your family. Linda

After several years of infertility, we decided last December that adoption was the best option for us and when we found Abrazo, we were doubly excited! At the same time, we recognize the magnitude of our decision and want to make sure we have our house in order before moving forward. We didn't want to go into debt to finance the adoption, and we also didn't want to get things rolling during a particularly busy time at work. So we are waiting for a few months, but I'm on the edge of my seat! I read a lot of adoption and first-year baby books, so I'll be educated, and I participate in this forum...but I can't wait to get started! If anyone has suggestions for how to handle the "waiting before the waiting", please let me know! It is so tempting to just jump right in early, and then worry later about the details. We've been trying to start a family for several years now - I wish we could just do it!

Have there been any more babies placed since mid-January? Any due soon? I love this forum because it reminds me that the process does work and there IS hope for us becoming parents when we get all of our paperwork/home study/financial stuff completed! Please keep us up to date on the latest happenings. Linda

I'm so glad you shared your thoughts on this, ElizabethAnn. My husband and I are hoping to adopt this year and the more we learn about open adoption on Abrazo's Forum and in the books we are reading, the more excited we get. If done in the right spirit, it seems to be a wonderful opportunity. It really extends the whole "gift sharing" idea of adoption itself - that the BPs are giving us a gift and that we APs also have a precious gift to give. I think the only time we newbies get scared of open adoption is when we feel like with all the very personal information we are asked to share, that we are being judged and are expected to be perfect. Our family has the gift of faith, which has enabled us to get through some difficult circumstances even stronger than we were before. We didn't look at them as problems, but as challenges we overcame and that enabled us to build stronger relationships with God and each other. Unfortunately, some people don't always see things that way, and jump to other conclusions, so we tend to allow people to get to know us first (see the finished results!) before we share everthing about us. I am sure that most peole are that way. It takes time to build trust with people, which is what we hope to do with both an agency and birthparents, so we can have a closer relationship going forward. We're not worried about trusting the birthparents after the adoption is complete - as a recent article I read said, you're giving the child "double the love"! How nice that a child can grow up knowing that although adopted, they were never rejected!

Do the birthmother's medical expenses ever get completely out of control? We were wondering how much to budget for that portion of our adoption. Also, what happens if she changes her mind after the birth? Are we still responsible for any of the medical expenses for the birthmother or child?