Stork Central
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To be sung to the tune of "The Barney Song":
They were two,
Now they're three,
What a happy family!
Can their Forum friends guess who these people are?
Texans, headed home by car.
Yup, that's right! One of our more recent additions to the Forum has a new addition of their own: a baby boy who joined the world this past weekend and joined their family just today, with a proud aunt and great-grandparents present to welcome him, as well! They've come a long way in just 7 weeks or so (and was it really just last week that they'd worried about not getting any birthparent phone calls yet? Go figure!) To our latest Abrazados (8/03) to become "parentados," congratulations! Here's wishing you happy trails, as you travel the highways and byways of life together.
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If you have a family member entering the adoption process, one of the first things you can do to help support them is to learn to "talk the talk" as they walk the walk. How we talk about adoption and the words we use are very important, because it helps shape how everybody--the child included--come to understand the process, the decision, and the future! For starters, the following "vocabulary lesson," describing how open adoption actually works:
* When applicants enter Abrazo's program to adopt a child, we refer to them as "parents-in-waiting" and we encourage them to see themselves as "expecting", because having a psychological pregnancy is an essential step towards getting ready for parenting.
* All adoptive applicants go through what's called a "homestudy", an important series of interviews, home inspections and background checks done by a licensed social worker, to certify that they are prepared to offer a suitable home for a child in need.
*Homestudied applicants then begin receiving arranged phone calls with prospective "birthparents", usually pregnant women (and/or their partners) between the ages of 18 and 40, who are expecting a child and considering placing their child for adoption. If the parties choose to match, then they voluntarily enter into an exclusive agreement to plan together for the placement of a specific child, and begin building a vital friendship, which is intended to last for a lifetime. Note, however, that this is only a potential "getting to know you" opportunity and not a promise or guarantee of placement, because under the law, no birthmother is legally committed to adoption until relinquishment (the legal release) is done and termination (court proceedings) has occurred, neither of which can happen until a baby is more than 48 hours old.
*Babies and children being released by their birthmothers for adoption are temporarily entrusted to the prospective parents-in-waiting by the agency (Abrazo) on Placement Day. The agency then applies for government approval for the child to cross state lines in a process called Interstate Compact which necessarily delays the new family's travel for at least 7-10 days, if the adopting family is not from Texas.
*Then the new family gets to come home with the baby/child to meet you, the new grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins. However, for the next 6-18 months, the adopting parents will be beholden to Abrazo, since the agency is still the child's legal guardian. This is is called post-placement supervision and entails a crucial process of quarterly social worker interviews, monthly progress reports, home visits and medical overview. Ongoing contact with the child's birthfamily is also very important, since it provides the child's loved ones with needed, lifelong assurance of his or her growth, happiness and wellbeing.
*Once supervision is completed, Abrazo audits the case and reviews each file, to ensure that the placement is a success, and upon confirming this, the agency legally releases the family to adopt the child. The adopting parents hire and attorney and appear in court (usually in TX) to finalize their adoption-- the official beginning of that family's permanent life together. And then, hopefully, they all live happily ever after!!
But what makes the words highlighted in red so essential, and what are other adoption vocabulary terms that relatives need to know? Let's turn this over to our Forum family and ask them for their valuable input!!
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Lately, Abrazo has heard from a number of prospective adoptive applicants struggling with feeling ready to adopt while their spouses just "aren't there yet." Our files are bulging with completed inquiries from prospective families holding off on sending in their finished applications because one would-be parent is raring to move forward and yet the other is plagued with doubts and reservations.
Anybody out there have some experience in dealing with this?
How do you handle putting your dreams on hold while you wait for your partner to get on the same page? Who decides when is the "right" time? Is it "fair" to get started before both partners are on the same page at the same time, or is it unrealistic to expect that this ever really happens?
If adopting (rather than being able to birth biological offspring) seems like "second choice," does that necessarily make it wrong? As one apprehensive adoptor recently asked, how do you deal with the question of whether you could truly love "someone else's child" when biology denies you the opportunity to experience "your own" baby?
What could we (as the Forum community) do to help support prospective parents during this difficult time?
And for any Forumites who are now parenting but were previously the reluctant or less-ready participant, what insight could you offer as to facing fears and getting ready and knowing when is the "right" time to move forward?
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The Abrazo staff add its prayers, as well, and sends healing thoughts out to Jeri and her loved ones!
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Hallelujah! Just one month after attending our 8/03 orientation, the first of The Five Abrazados have been blessed with their firstborn, and this precious new baby girl is, truly, heavensent! Lifted on wings of prayer by their church, this couple found their way to Abrazo with a bit of divine intervention via one very special Forum member (you know who you are!) Daunted by the costs of adopting, their church family graciously pitched in, unaware that the Good Lord already had a miracle in store for them. With the help of many angels along the way and across the country, He has surely brought His purposes to pass! We thank God for His guidance and providence, for His loving watch over both the birthcouple and adopting parents, and for His gift of this special new daughter for this dear and deserving young family. (Amen!!)
Psalms 127:3, 128:1-6: "Children are a gift from God, they are His reward... blessings on all who trust the Lord and obey Him. Their reward shall be prosperity and happiness. Your wife shall be contented in your home. And look at the children! There they sit around your dinner table, vigorous and healthy.... That is God's reward to those who revere and trust Him. May the Lord continually bless you with heaven's blessings, as well as human joys. May you live to enjoy your grandchildren!"
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Shower singers, unite in chorus! as yet another lucky couple from our 4/03 orientation, Bruce's Great 8 Posse took placement today, granting them the best possible reason to be bursting with song and sweet lullabies!
It's "California, Here I Come" for this newborn, redheaded daughter of two proud mommas, two supportive pappas and one grown birthsister who played a big part in making it all "Come Together".* Here's hoping these new kin will be joyfully singing "We Are Family" at the top of their lungs for many wonderful years to come. Because as we all know, "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes." And that's what drives our staff to work so diligently to bring this about, for all who put their faith in us and let us do our best for them.
*Special thanks, too, to the Forum member who referred her relatives to Abrazo and supported them throughout their brief journey with us!
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The first time they came to Texas, they were childless, hopeful and scared--but this time, they're leaving Texas as proud parents, pinching themselves to be sure it's for real (since they just found out they were coming back to pick up their newborn son a little over 24 hours ago!!) Nonetheless, they hung up the phone, jumped on a plane and became a first-time mom and dad right away! Congratulations to these elated Junebuggies of 6/03, and kudos to all who made this happen: one loving birthmom, a very supportive birthaunt, and also, Abrazo's willing weekend workers (who forfeited fun in the sun, to ensure this family's begun!!) Go, team!
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He just turned two, has blonde hair and blue eyes, and needs a loving adoptive family to provide the sort of stable home and secure future his birthparents want for him.
If you (or someone you know) is homestudy-approved for toddlers and ready for placement, please contact Angela at Abrazo for more information on this precious little boy.
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BOY-OH BOY-OH BOY, it's another BOY for another of our againers, as these graduates from the 2/03 orientation, Los Misionarios add a second son to their Texas family tree. May he grow up strong and steady, proud of his roots and sure of his wings; may his life honor those who made life's greatest choices on his behalf, and may he stand tall in the light of the Lone Star, always. Heartiest salutations to this fine young fella and his happy new family, and our loving commendations to the birthcouple who made it all happen.
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Angela_FSC, please know we are asking the One who heals all life's hurts to watch over your friend Joey, his wife and daughters as they face this frightening diagnosis. We wish them comfort, peace and the assurance that they are very much loved and not alone as he begins the treatment process!
The Abrazo staff also asks our Forum friends to keep in mind a very special little girl named Sarah. Adopted here at birth, she is in CA this week, visiting "Wheel of Fortune" and meeting Vanna White (during a trip made possible by the generosity of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.) We ask God's blessing upon her and her loving family, through whatever additional journeys their future holds.
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THINK PINK! They were gearing up for snails and pails and puppy dog tails, but the adoption process is full of surprizes and this week, an excited Texas couple joined their birthmom in the delivery room to greet not a son but a brand new daughter! Hurrah for these graduates of Bruce's Great 8 Posse and the new, proud big sis! And best wishes to all our 4/03 orientation grads, who moved one family closer to group completion today, with this placement of yet another beautiful baby girl.
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Just two months ago, they spent the weekend with us at orientation... just ten days ago, they spent the weekend at Camp Abrazo with their darling daughter (and one particularly beloved Forum grandma!), cuddling other folks' Abrazotots in the Baby Corral... and as of today, they are cradling one of their own, a precious little boy who entered the world just this past weekend! (And they couldn't have happened to a nicer baby!) Joyous salutations to our newest success story, this wonderful family who hail from the Junebuggies of 6/03... and Godspeed to all our other gonna-be's out there!
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A friendly Forum welcome to the wonderful graduates of Abrazo's latest orientation weekend, The Five Abrazados, 8/03! This caring crew of childless couples is off and running, and just waiting to meet the birthparents (and children) of their dreams. We wish them Godspeed on their journey, as we do all our fabulous families-in-waiting. (Not if, but when? and here's to then!)
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Yippee-ayyy-aeeee!!! It's a new 'lil cowboy for another of our graduates of Bruce's Great 8 Posse of 4/03, meaning half of that illustrious group have become parents within three and a half months of that wild and wonderful weekend! Hearty congrats to our proud new ma and pa (and the loving birthkin who made this miracle happen)... and saddle 'em up, the rest of yous-still-waitins', because your turn lies ahead, just beyond the bend.
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Due in September 2003: a biracial baby boy with a serious but correctable medical condition called gastroskesis. Birthmother has received prenatal care, presently covered under Medicaid. She would prefer an African-American or interracial couple but will consider qualified parents of any background. Placement may qualify for state special needs subsidy.
Please keep this little guy and his birthfamily in your prayers as we search for an appropriate home for him.
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From time to time, Abrazo has need of referrals of homestudied families for special situations; cases in which specific kinds of parents are needed for pending placements (for which the agency has no appropriate homes already-in-waiting.) While we do not wish to rely upon the Internet as a means of facilitating quality adoptions, Abrazo will occasionally post possible placement opportunities here in an effort to expand our access to appropriate parents-in-waiting for special cases.
Should you or someone you know have an interest in a placement possibility posted here, please fax a current homestudy to Abrazo's Family Services department, at 210/342-6547 with a note citing the case of interest, and an agency caseworker will respond by phone within 3 days. (Current or past Abrazo clients in good standing with completed homestudies on file may phone the Family Services Coordinator directly to express interest.)
Thanks for helping us help our little ones in need!
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Scheduled dates for 2003 orientations can be confirmed with Abrazo's family services coordinator, Angela Martinez, M.S.W. at 210/342-LOVE, but are tentatively set for August, October and December.
At present, Abrazo is working with a new birthmom who is seeking a childless and interracial couple (preferably Texan) with whom to place Anglo-African American twins due this fall (gender unknown.) All interested couples who meet this general description are encouraged to contact Angela at Abrazo for further information and a potentially wonderful set of autumn blessings!
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One of the cost risks that many prospective parents don't always remember to budget for are those funds lost if an adoption plan goes south (which can happen whether an adoptive family commits to a match and then changes their mind about moving forward or whether a birthparent realizes after matching that adoption may not be the right plan, after all.)
While Abrazo does make a diligent effort to manage case expenses in a prudent and responsible manner, remember that any disrupted match may result in some lost funds, regardless of the length of time the case was matched. Why is this? It's because any "out of pocket" costs incurred on behalf of a case at any time by our nonprofit agency become the responsibility of the committing adoptive family at time of matching with that case.
What does this entail? Sometimes, just several cabfares provided to bring a birthparent to the agency to register and select the adoptive family, or travel expense for an agency staff member to have provided the same services to a birthparent out of town... in other cases, it may include groceries and/or housing and/or medical/legal costs incurred to provide for a birthparents' needs before a match was made.
These are considered "reimburseable" expenses under state standards, enabling agencies to pass such costs on to the families who wish to potentially benefit from the subsequent match. However, under no circumstances can agencies require birthparents to repay an adoptive family for that assistance in the event that the case outcome does not go the way of the adoptive family's choosing. That's a hard pill to swallow, sometimes, for those pinching pennies along the way to parenthood... We respect that.
No loss of money--or dreams or hope-- is ever easy. But we also know that those who seek to adopt must come to the process prepared to face such potential losses, realizing that those who ultimately make those adoption dreams come true for others face much greater lifelong losses which are never reimburseable. Know that this cost risk factor does not affect all families who enter the process, but it is something we address at every orientation weekend, in the hopes of preparing our newest clients for all possible risks and outcomes on this rollercoaster ride we call "adoption."
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About ten weeks and one "dress rehearsal" after orientation, another darling couple from the Bruce's Great 8 Posse (4/03) weekend is now celebrating their new roles as Mom and Dad, with the unexpected arrival of a precious 8 lb. baby boy! They'd thought they might be spending the weekend beachcombing with relatives at South Padre Island, or shopping for summer clothes in Dallas, but thanks to unanticipated phone calls, answered prayers and a whole lot of sunshine, they are home tonight adoring a brand new son, and we just couldn't be happier for them! For being right where we needed them to be right when we needed them to be there (and with love and thanks to one selfless and very sure birthmom) we send out best wishes to our newest favorite parents!!
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Tonight, when you tuck your child or yourself into bed, please say a prayer for a teen-aged runaway named Jetta.
She's young and in trouble. And the trucker who picked her up several months ago wants to get rid of her-- now that she's pregnant. He called our office for help today, but hung up on us when he feared our staff might seek to trace his call.
The authorities can find no matching missing person reports within the national databases. Meanwhile, our staff is haunted by the thought of this girl and her coming baby, out on the road and all alone with a predator more than four times her age. Surely someone, somewhere is missing a daughter, or sister, or granddaughter, or niece.
Please, God, watch over Jetta and guide her safely home, wherever that may be... (and all the young girls like her, out there.) Amen.
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They were new to the Forum and "very close to an adoption" just days ago, and now, they are the proud parents of a lovely baby girl! Hearty congratulations to the latest of our success stories, graduates of Los Misionarios, our 2/03 orientation weekend.
And an enthusiastic "welcome aboard" to our newest mommies-and-daddies-to-be, the Junebuggies (or was it "Junebuddies"?), who came through our Parents of Tomorrow orientation just this very weekend--and finished with flying colors? Here's wishing them Godspeed, all (and lots of fun along the way to parenthood, as well.)
P.S. Thanks also to forumites Amanda, Melissa and Mary, for speaking on today's panel and sharing their stories with our newest Abrazo family members...
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Here's a really excellent resource: Heather Lowe's What You Should Know If You're Considering Adoption for Your Baby, a downloadable brochure for prospective birthparents, written by a birthmom who's painfully honest about the things she wishes she had known... before she made her adoption decision. (And here at Abrazo, we wish we'd known how to make this available to clients before now, because this is important and balanced information for every prospective birthparent to have.) Check it out!
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Once upon a time, a handsome prince brought the queen of his heart to Texas to attend Abrazo's 4/03 orientation weekend. It had been nearly a decade since the dragon of infertility had first reared its ugly head, but now, the royal couple was truly ready to become parents in a magical new way.
"Hark," said his fair maiden, "'tis only parents we long to be, thus curse the quest for fertility!!"
Yet, the prince secretly feared the untold dangers of the dark woods of the unknown, and worried that openness might evoke unwelcome gremlins or flying monkeys (or something). Could a special potion cure the problem? Whatever would they do? Which way would they turn?
"Have faith," the Abrazo adoption fairies assured them. "You have naught to fear but fear itself!!
And so it was, that against great odds, they set aside their worries and journeyed to the edge of the forest, where they found not darkness and danger but flowers and sunshine, the loveliest of birthfamilies, and one tiny blonde princess in need of a safe castle and a fairy tale future. So, the very month after they first journeyed into the land of Abrazo (and hitched their star to Bruce's Great 8 Posse), the prince and his beloved expanded their family to include one precious newborn and her dearest birthkin, as they became real-life Parents, forever and ever!
Here's to our newest success story... may all the folks involved live on happily ever after!! (The End.)
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Our Holiday Hopefuls of 12/02 are moving right along, as today, another of their weekend buddies found their dreams coming true! This childless San Antonio couple entered Abrazo's program just before Christmas, matched after Mother's Day and became parents right before Memorial Day, giving them the long holiday weekend to introduce their new son to his breathless new relatives. Congrats to the new mom, dad and baby-- with heartfelt thanks to the loving birthmom (and birthsibs) who made this all possible--and in the nicest possible timing, at that.
Baby Announcements 2003
in New Arrivals
Posted
The stork was working overtime last night, as yet another of The Five Abrazados (8/03) moved from the ranks of Parents-In-Waiting to parents for real!, thanks to the maturity and selflessness of a teen mom and her supportive family members who'd settle for nothing less than the best for this much-loved baby girl. Kudos to all five of our August families, who have prepared so well for the adoption process that their new sons and daughters are getting home in record time! (Our enduring thanks, also, to the wonderful birthparents who make it all possible--for the kids' sake.)
Speaking of wonderful, say hello to Abrazo's newest orientation graduates, the Croptoberfest Crew of 10/03, who spent this weekend with us!! There is (of course) an inside story behind this "creative" group name, so inquiring minds, watch for our newbies on the Forum to find out how it came about!