Stork Central

Every adoption story is its own adventure, a tale of crisis and opportunity, gain and loss, courage and grief. Every adoptee is a precious member of two special families, both of whom share dreams for that child and his or her future. Every set of parents that approach the adoption process have weathered untold life challenges in order to be able to forfeit their own needs and give their very best to the child both love. Tonight we celebrate a much-adored baby girl, the birthparents who gave her life and the adopting parents from Abrazo's Two Men Down orientation weekend of April 2014 who are so very grateful to be her new mom and dad. Blessings, all!

We're thinking there's still more to this story... http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2946546/Sammy-Davis-Jr-brought-love-child-adopted-son-tried-steal-girlfriends-told-truth-death-bed-left-son-penniless-works-Costco.html Meanwhile, closer to home, San Antonio magnate (and Saints' owner) Tom Benson is fighting his adopted daughter in court as she seeks to limit succession rights recently assigned by him to his third wife: http://theadvocate.com/news/11402874-93/tom-benson-is-incapacitated-daughter And halfway around the world, the man who made headlines last week (and has so far raised $640k in crowdfunding to help him raise a Down Syndrome baby his wife considered placing) apparently has another four children (including one with Down Syndrome) whom he's not seen in years: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11400088 (And now, you're caught up on today's celebrity adoption stories! You're welcome!)

It occurs to us that we're lacking some reliable guidance, here on the Forum, about what to do with/about your existing child/ren in the course of your next match and placement...? For starters, whatever your existing child/ren's age/s, please honor the expectant parent's need to get to know (and bond with) YOU before you get your child/ren involved with her. Yes-- this means it is generally not a good idea to put your child on the phone during the first phone call. Try to limit your urge to impress upon the expectant mom how much your child/ren wants a sibling. And keep in mind that you probably shouldn't be bringing your child to your very first meeting with her, either (even if she has other kids.) Why? You want her to get to know you first, too, and to not have to worry about your child's behavior (or misbehavior) reflecting on you. You want to be able to focus on her and her needs, and not be distracted by your child or what she is thinking of your parenting skills. And you'll want time to be able to prepare your child for an age-appropriate understanding of who she is-- and who she's not. She is not "our birthmother" (unless you are working with the mother who birthed the child you have already, that is.) She is not "the lady who's giving us your brother/sister." She is not "the girl who is having a baby for Mommy and Daddy." She is just "our friend, (insert first name here.)" If your child is over the age of three, she may be "our friend who has a baby in her tummy." If your child is over the age of six, she may eventually be described as "our friend who might need to have her baby come stay with us but she won't know for sure if she'll need our help until after the baby is born." You'll need to talk with any child/ren of yours old enough to know about the baby in her tummy about privacy and happy and sad feelings when babies are born, and about mothers needing time to figure out if they can care for a baby's needs or not and what a difficult decision that can be, and that if her baby is able to stay with her, it's okay if we feel a little bit sad for us but we'll still be happy for her and her baby. You can (and should) talk privately with your child/ren about "whether they want to be a big brother or sister someday" and encourage them to think about how they might help with a new baby in the home, but please refrain from identifying your friend's coming baby as being your child's future brother or sister... until or unless placement happens. If your child is involved or aware of the preparation of the nursery that may be going on in your home, make sure your child understands you are getting it ready for "whenever somebody does need us to help take care of their baby" (ie. regardless of the pending match.) If the mom with whom you are matched has children around your child/ren's age, it may be appropriate to plan some kid-appropriate activities together, but as the adult, you need to ensure that your child/ren is/are not dominating your attention (nor hers), and you must not put the expectant mother in a position of having to answer your child/ren's adoption questions. It can be draining to try to support an expectant mother through the ups and downs of a match and keep your family's needs cared for, also. Arrange with your spouse, if need be, to trade off on who's wrangling the kidlets during those all-important phone calls or who's responding to the expectant mom's late night texts when your child is sick. And do work out contingency plans in advance with a trusted friend or relative in case you need emergency childcare for your existing child/ren in order to be responsive to the needs of the expectant mother or her baby on very short notice. Please do NOT plan to bring your existing child/ren to the hospital to see the new baby until after placement is done, unless the baby's mother has specifically asked for your child/ren to visit, and then keep that visit short, because newly-delivered mothers contemplating adoption can find young visitors overwhelming. You aren't able to focus on the needs of the new mother and her baby if you're having to "ride herd" on your kid/s, anyway. Honoring a prospective birthmother's need to enjoy time with her child (instead of yours) helps shield your child/ren from disappointment if placement does not occur; remember, there will still be plenty of time for sibling bonding after placement, when it does happen. If the placement does occur, then that will be the time to talk with your child/ren about "their new brother or sister," and about their special "forever family" connection with the baby's other birthsiblings. Be sensitive to include the birthsiblings in your references to the baby and consider having "the baby" give the birthsibling/s a special gift or remembrance at or after placement. If the placement does not occur, that is the time to model appropriate emotions for your existing child/ren. Initiate conversation about hopes and dreams and how it's okay to feel disappointed when plans change, but if you're feeling anger or rage towards the parent who didn't place, it's best to process that outside of your child's presence. Assure your child that he or she is (already) the son or daughter you always wanted and that if you are meant to have another child in your family, that will happen when it should, even if that doesn't happen exactly when we want it to. Allow your child to talk about how they're feeling or draw pictures for you if they need to process emotions, and keep in mind that how the adults around him/her respond to this disappointment will be an important lesson for your child about coping with life's letdowns, as well as thinking about the decision his/her birthparent/s once had to make. Anybody else have wisdom and/or pointers to add to this list? Please feel free!

In a different place and time, she would be a wonderful mother, more than ready to parent a child herself. She's wonderful with kids, and hopes to pursue a career in elementary education. She diligently pursued prenatal care, and did everything in her power to lovingly care for her baby boy in the time that she could, although her circumstances were less than ideal. She carefully chose to be his parents a couple who had impressed upon her how long they'd waited to become parents, a teacher and her husband who were graduates of Abrazo's 50 Sheets of Faustino orientation class of July, 2014. May this precious newborn son they now share always know the love of his birthmom and birthgrandmother, and may he forever enjoy all the blessings borne of open adoption, today and for all the years to come!

When they attended our Fifty Sheets of Faustino orientation of July, 2014, Abrazo's first couple to take placement in 2015 had no idea what an extraordinary New Year's party they were in for, but they were obviously ready to be great parents, and everything they said and did made it evident they could be trusted to keep their promises. The expectant mother who chose to match with them sensed this, as well, and together, they have spent months building a loving kinship that is truly going to be a lifelong gift for the son they now share. We celebrate each of the special people who are so committed to his future, and we wish them all a very happy new year, indeed! Blessings, all.

Just a month after the Phi Celtic Dungarees orientation of December, 2013, Abrazo heard from an expectant mother in dire circumstances. She needed to make adoption plans. She had several other children she was struggling to care for and she knew she was already past her limits. She met with staff weekly for two months, amidst fierce opposition from her family, but in the end, she couldn't bear their disapproval so she abandoned her placement plans at the time of the birth. Yet she couldn't help but feel she'd let her baby down, somehow. She'd wanted so much more for him. She'd hoped things would somehow magically work out but her heart kept telling her she needed to revisit her earlier intentions, and this evening, surrounded by all her children, she made the only choice she felt was truly right, for him and for her. She remembered one profile in particular that she'd seen nearly a year ago, and she spotted that same couple's updated profile, thankful they were still waiting. She loved the idea of her little guy having a big sister to watch over him. That patient couple was more than happy to rush to San Antonio to meet her and her children tonight, and together, they have decided to become forever family. We wish them much joy in their new kinship... and we just couldn't be happier for the dear baby boy they all now love so. Truly, the best moments in life are worth waiting for, and we're so grateful that they did. Blessings, all!

Several months ago, Abrazo began meeting with a precious first grader whose family needed (not "wanted," but needed) to explore adoption options, wrenching as it was to contemplate. The agency searched the nation for possible adoptive families for a school-age child, but by the grace of God, we eventually found the perfect family right close to home. They'd already had one homegrown child and had successfully finished one adoption with Abrazo, so being experienced parents, they felt another child could fit just right. The two families have spent months getting to know each other and together, they've created a plan that will surround theIr daughter with all their love. We are infinitely thankful for each of them, and we lift them in our prayers as they each adapt to this great change in each of their lives. Blessings, all!

The young, childless couple who attended Abrazo's Phi Celtic Dungarees orientation of 12/13 were motivated by a dream of becoming parents, but it took months for their homestudy worker to get their report done, which surely tried their patience to no end. Being the gracious people they are, however, they waited without complaining, not knowing that here in Texas, a miracle was growing as they waited. By fall, they got The Call that would change everything, and began getting to know the expectant mother who had chosen them, and this week, their precious new son was born. We wish them all much joy in their lives together and we commend each of them for their patience and their faith. Blessings, all!

"Laneybug" and her husband are already home with their sweet new Abrazo baby! If you know of couples of any ethnicity with infertility who are interested in adopting, who have been married for more than a year, are financially sound and emotionally stable and ready to learn about open adoption, please send them to Abrazo. Our final orientation weekend of the year is coming up and we need awesome new adoptive families to send home with new sons and daughters throughout the coming year!!

Sometimes, it is said, God closes one door in order to open another window elsewhere. This was surely true for a couple from our December orientation, Phi Celtic Dungarees, for not long after they'd endured the unraveling of a high risk match this summer, they were chosen by another mama who truly did have the right intentions. She saw in this couple the parents she wanted for her daughter, and today, because of the faith she's placed in them, they've become proud first-time parents! Truly, there IS a greater plan, even if the twists and turns sometimes make the plot hard to follow. We wish all of them much joy as their relationship continues to grow! Blessings, all!

An excellent read about God and adoption: http://mommymeansit.com/go-in-adoption/

Normally, Abrazo has to caution adopting parents who are already parenting to expect a lengthier wait for placement, given how many placing parents opt to match with childless couples first. Yet a local couple with three biological children and secondary infertility who attended our July 2014 orientation, 50 Sheets of Faustino, had no sooner finished their homestudy and submitted their profile when they were selected by a pregnant teen and her mom, who saw in them the perfect family. They spent the weeks that followed building a kinship meant to last a lifetime, and this week, they have all welcomed a precious newborn boy into the world. We lift both families in our prayers as they adapt to this big transition and we wish the son they now share a life of joy as he revels in the love of both! Blessings, all.

Please be very truthful about what you will (or won't) be open to, when you're filling out your inquiry and your application paperwork! Abrazo makes very careful decisions about whom to invite to orientation and whom to accept into its placement program, based on the kinds of cases for which the agency needs adoptive homes. For this reason, we take the information you provide in your application materials (about what you're open to) very seriously, which is why the wording of our admissions letter specifically cites "your acceptance of indicated birthparent background factors" as the basis for the agency's decision to accept your application. Hopefully, what you learn in the process will enable you to broaden your horizons and expand your expectations when you get accepted to Abrazo, enabling you to be considered for even more situations than you initially imagined (and not less!) However, people who get their foot in the door by claiming to be open (to any race or to either gender, or a child up to school age, or sibling groups, etc.) but who then backpeddle and reverse themselves once accepted raise thorny questions about truthfulness and integrity, and in some cases, may necessitate a re-evaluation of the agency's admissions decision, since Abrazo only accepts as many families as it anticipates needing per placement year. Help us accurately evaluate our ability to meet your needs (and most importantly, to evaluate your ability to meet the needs of the children we serve) by being forthright on your paperwork, and then growing from there...

So Lord, what more can a Cajun ask than what I have today? Bon sante, bene amis et ma famille and le Bon Dieu Who hears me pray. Then this is my simple prayer, Lord, a Cajun's humble plea; May all of those who love you, Lord, have all you've given me. --Bob Hamm Seeing great potential where others may not, they had adopted New Orleans as their hometown after returning from the Peace Corps, this then-childless couple who later attended our April 2014 orientation weekend, Two Men Down. Being compassionate people who have devoted themselves to bettering the world around them, they had spent the past decade of their marriage readying themselves to build a family in every way. They understood the importance of openness and transparency from the start, and this served them well when an expectant couple in particularly desperate circumstances chose them to be their baby's future parents. And indeed, our adoptive couple was uniquely prepared for a sharp learning curve, which proved particularly important when the mother with whom they matched unexpectedly delivered early, less than one month later. All four of these loving parents want the very best for their son, and they have committed themselves to a lifetime kinship to forever surround him with love and to raise him to be secure in the certainty that his fate was intricately planned by all his parents, together. Welcome to the world, little one. Blessings, all!

She'd been feeling for a long time that her son didn't have the life he deserved, and it broke her heart. She'd done all she could, but try as she might, it just wasn't enough. She wanted so much more for him than she'd had, and she hoped against hope that things would turn around for her, for him... yet in time, she couldn't put off the inevitable any longer. She summoned all her courage, googled "adoption agencies" and called Abrazo. She wanted to do the sort of adoption that would allow her some continuing place in her child's life, so he will always know her and never think her decision was about her needs, rather than his own. She spoke with families, thought it over some more, talked it over with those who mattered to her most, and then she said to the agency "it's time." The couple of her choosing, members of our Two Men Down orientation of April, 2014 came to San Antonio without delay. They talked. They hugged. They laughed. They spent time together in our playroom with a little boy who clearly basked in all the love and attention of the parents surrounding him. Together, they reveled in the sweet son they now share, and now we celebrate the family they are becoming. Blessings, all! Big hugs, little one!